


satin birds

by kybelles



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: (sort of) unrequited yut-lung/eiji, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Marriage of Convenience, Mutual Pining, Mystery, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, eventual sing/yut-lung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2019-10-11 19:32:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 48,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17452940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kybelles/pseuds/kybelles
Summary: PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENTMr. James R. Callenreese and Ms. Hideko Aoki are very delighted to announce the engagement between Mr. Callenreese's son and sole heir to Callenreese Corporotions Mr. Aslan J. Callenreese and Ms. Aoki's beloved nephew Mr. Eiji Okumura. The happy couple haven't decided on a wedding date yet.(Except, Ash and Eiji are not happy at all because they don't want this marriage.)[Russian][Spanish]





	1. the seeds of evil

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Satin Birds [Español]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18794482) by [gummy_1998](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gummy_1998/pseuds/gummy_1998)



> hi again everyone. i'm so happy to finally post this because this fic has been on my mind for a long time. :)
> 
> that being said, i feel like i should give a fair warning. if you read my previous fic LALILY while it was still on progress, you probably noticed the periods between each update were pretty close. but that's probably not gonna be the case about this fic because a) i discovered my writing pace gets slower when it comes to writing angst and b) i'm so insanely busy with my school. so i really hope you can show me understanding about this. ❤
> 
> anyways, hope you like the first chapter! please let me know what do you think! ❤

* * *

“Family…” his father sighs in a quiet, mysterious way.

The rain pounds on the wide glasses of the greenhouse they’re standing at the moment but his father seems unaware of the chaos outside, his rough and big hands caressing the petals of a primrose with a delicacy he’s never shown to Ash.

Ash hates this greenhouse. Ash hates his father.

“Family,” Jim Callenreese repeats. “is such a sacred thing. Do you agree, Ash?”

Ash answers in the most monotone voice possible. “Yes, father.”

From the corner of his eye, he sees Blanca shuffle very slightly. For any other person, the action wouldn’t mean anything specific but after years and years together, Ash knows Blanca is warning him in his own way. _Keep your sharp tongue inside your mouth. Be respectful._

“Marriage, especially,” Jim continues as he slowly walks deeper into the greenhouse. Ash has no choice but to follow him closely, because he’s all too familiar with the wrath he’ll face if Jim thinks he doesn’t take this conversation seriously. “Marriage is a blessing for one. A bond to last forever…”

Ash grits his teeth quietly, crossing his arms together to hide his shaking hands. He doesn’t know what his father’s trying to tell him with this conversation and he certainly doesn’t like being here. He turns his head to take a look at Blanca, but his face is completely unreadable, even for Ash.

They suddenly stop walking when Jim pauses in front of the yellow roses. Ash watches with a neutral look on face as his father picks one. “Look at me, for example. Five years and I still can’t forget my darling Amma. I miss her every single day.”

Venom bursts from Ash’s veins like a geyser at the mention of his mother’s name. He takes an unconscious and furious step towards his father and _that’s_ when Blanca’s hand closes on Ash’s shoulder to subtly hold him back. The warning and the fear in Blanca’s eyes is much more visible this time and once again, Ash swallows his bitter venom back.

His voice is frosty. “We all miss her.”

Very slowly, Jim turns his attention to him from the roses and his cold blue eyes meet Ash’s stony green ones. A nameless but an intense emotion passes between them and for a moment, Ash’s sure someone is going to _snap_ any second and it’ll probably be him because he hates looking at his father’s eyes. They remind him too much of Gr—

Jim sighs quietly, turning to yellow roses again as if Ash isn’t worth more of his attention. “We Callenreeses are known for our devotion to family life for many years.” he says carelessly. “Which is why it’s time for you to get married.”

The ugly roaring of the rain disappears suddenly as white noise fills Ash’s ears and he takes a step back without meaning to. He looks at his father with an open mouth for a long minute, like he can confirm Ash misheard him, but Jim simply continues paying attention to his roses and a tremor takes over Ash’s body.

He tries. “I—I don’t have anybody.”

“Already taken care of.”

Blanca pulls a file under his jacket and extends it to him. Ash’s blood starts boiling with rage because Blanca knew, _he knew_ what this was all about when he told Ash his father wanted to talk to him. He grabs it from his hands with an unholy fury but Blanca doesn’t even blink.

With shaking hands, Ash opens the file.

 **NAME:** Eiji Okumura

 **AGE:** 25

**OCCUPATION:**

Ballet dancer (former)

Photographer / Translator (current)

**FAMILY:**

Takuya Okumura (father / deceased)

Miyako Okumura (mother / deceased)

Misa Okumura (sister / alive)

**FORMER LEGAL GUARDIAN:**

Hideko Aoki (aunt / alive)

There’s also a photo under the information card and despite his blinding anger, Ash takes a moment to examine it. The first thing he notices is the eyes. The boy’s eyes are big and dark brown, having an almost childlike innocence and shyness in them but at the same time, they look…sad. His admittedly pretty face carries a melancholic aura.

Most strangely, he looks… familiar.

“Who is he?” Ash asks to no one in particular. His body’s still shaking from the shock and anger he’s feeling, but now there’s also a disturbing confusion. “Why do I feel like I’ve seen him before?”

“That’s because you have.” Blanca says softly and not even Ash’s hateful look is enough to stop him. “Mr. Okumura was a former ballet dancer. Madame Callenreese took you to see him during one of your holidays in Japan.”

In the blink of an eye, Ash’s back to his eleven year old self. He’s holding his mother’s hand tightly despite being a “big boy” now because the place is overcrowded and they’re in a foreign country. Ash doesn’t know much about ballet but his heart’s still beating madly because Amma _only_ took him with her. Just the two of them. No one else.

When the play begins, Ash leans back on his seat and watches the play with fascinated eyes. But nothing compares to the fascination he feels when a dark haired and a little older than himself boy takes over the stage and starts dancing with a gracefulness out of this world. The boy radiates so much joy and elegances around him that Ash feels breathless when he watches him dancing.

Ash still clearly remembers leaning over his mother to whisper _“He’s so pretty.”_ He still clearly remembers Amma’s answering laugh.

His eyes find Eiji’s photo again and he harshly throws away the file. “Where did this even come from? I’m not going to marry a complete stranger, father.”

“He won’t be a complete stranger after you marry him.” Jim says, almost sounding bored, but his blazing eyes tell Ash otherwise. “Eiji’s aunt Madame Hideko is a very honorable businesswoman in Japan. I did a little favor for her company and in return, she was kind enough to tell me his nephew will happily be your husband.”

A completely new kind of disgust makes Ash feel dizzy. “She… she sold her nephew to us?”

Jim laughs then, he _really_ laughs; so much that his face looks much younger than he actually is, so much that even for a brief moment, he looks exactly like the man from his mother’s old photographs.

Ash barely swallows his scream. Blanca stands a little closer to him.

“ _Sold!_ ” Jim repeats mockingly, wiping a tear under his eye. “Where do you find this sentimental and dramatic words? She didn’t sell us a damn thing. You are no fool, you know this kind of marriages happen all the time in the world of people like us.”

“I don’t care.” Ash says between his gritted teeth. “I will _not_ marry him.”

Jim still looks amused. “Is it because he’s a man? I thought you didn’t care about things like that.”

“I don’t care if it’s a man or a woman!” Ash finally yells, breath coming raggedly. “You can’t just fucking make me do this!”

In an instant, all the amusement _vanishes_ from his father’s face and he looks like his usual icy self. He lets go of the rose and slowly approaches Ash. Ash’s used to this primitive treatment, he’s survived it countless times, yet his fingers still shake badly as Jim stands right in front of him.

“We both know how much _exactly_ I’m capable of doing if I want, don’t we, Ash?” Jim asks quietly and every single word sinks into Ash’s heart like a sharp dagger. “You know you shouldn’t displease me, you _know_ it. It’s important for _everyone_ ’s sake.”

Ash’s hands curl into fists even though he knows he can’t do anything and it’s killing him, it’s _killing_ him.

“Eiji Okumura will be a good name for our family.” Jim continues calmly. “My consultants did a detailed research about him. He’s not exactly from our circle but he has powerful connections. Madame Aoki took him and his sister's custodies when their parents died in a car accident. He quitted ballet when he was sixteen. Which is good, because he can’t do ballet now that he’s going to be a Callenreese, it wouldn’t be proper, but _former_ ballet dancer sounds very aristocratic. According to his aunt, he’s a well educated, shy, quiet and polite boy. And, of course, he has good looks. You shouldn’t be this ungrateful.” His father’s eyes go narrow. “You will act kind and enthusiastic about this engagement, Aslan. You will marry that boy. That’s my final word on this matter."

 _I hope you’ll die choking on your own blood,_ Ash thinks wildly, standing there with a completely blank face. _I hope one day I’ll wake up and they’ll tell me you’re already dead._

Ash doesn’t say a word as his father slowly walks towards the exit of greenhouse, but just when Jim’s about to step outside, Ash speaks. “I’m going to France for a week.”

Slowly, Jim turns his head to look at him again and this time there’s almost…sadness in his eyes and Ash angrily looks another way because his father doesn’t _deserve_ to feel sad over this. Not after what he’s done, not after what he’s _still_ doing.

“Very well.” Jim says, too quietly, and in the next second he’s gone.

He and Blanca continue standing under the thunder noises and when Ash finally turns his green gaze on him, Blanca doesn’t say _“I’m sorry.”, “I wish I could help you.”_ or _“It’s gonna be okay.”_

He just says, “We can leave anytime you want.”

* * *

Misa’s eyelids look lavender under the soft light coming from the fireplace.

His sister’s face is relaxed in her sleep now, not fighting against the bad dreams she sometimes sees. She has one of her hands under her cheek, the other one wrapped around a knitted cat their mom made for her years ago, and her chest is heaving with peaceful breaths.

Eiji closes his eyes and begs to whoever’s listening for his sister’s safety like he does every night.

He knows he can’t sit by Misa’s side tonight, no matter how much he wishes for it, and eventually Eiji forces himself to stand up. He puts the lightest kiss on Misa’s chestnut hair and quietly slips out of her room.

Aunt Hideko wants to talk to him.

Even though it’s a fruitless effort, Eiji tries to suppress the paranoia he’s feeling. A panicked voice inside him is keep whispering he shouldn’t walk into her room, he should turn back while he still has the chance but Eiji isn’t stupid enough to listen to that voice.

He learned a long time ago he has to obey his aunt no matter what.

Aunt Hideko’s room is scented with heavy vanilla aroma when Eiji walks in, making him secretly grimace since he’s never liked the smell of vanilla. He lightly clears his throat to make his presence known.

“Come closer, dear.” comes his aunt’s lazy voice.

His aunt’s hair fall into her shoulders in messy curls tonight. She’s wearing a silk nightgown and one of her famous real sable furs even though she’s sitting right next to the fire.

Eiji doesn’t like to look at her when she wears furs. It feels like she’s carrying a lifeless animal around her shoulders.

Hideko’s cold hazel eyes look at Eiji from head to toe and Eiji barely stops himself from shaking under her unnerving stare.

Then, she smiles. “My dear nephew,” she purrs quietly. “Aren’t you a very blessed boy? Blessed with a dainty body, a beautiful face, a gentle soul, an excellent education…”

A cold fear settles in Eiji’s stomach. “You’re being too kind, auntie.”

“No, not at all.” Hideko takes a long sip from her wine, painting her colorless lips in red. “You will be the perfect groom for Aslan Callenreese.”

The room tilts around Eiji so strongly that he completely forgets breathing for a moment. A sudden burning ache in his eyes makes everything look blurry and distant and his heart just _stops_. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Hideko says a little impatiently. “I’m sure you’ve heard of the famous Callenreese Corporations. Mr. Callenreese, the head of the company, has a twenty three year old son named Ash. During one of our past business meeting, he saw a photo of you in my office. Apparently you’ve caught his eye because in our final meeting he told me he was looking for the perfect spouse for his son and if you’d be interested in this marriage. Of course I said yes.”

“ _On my behalf_?” Eiji whispers hysterically, his whole body shaking. “My answer is _no,_ aunt Hideko. This marriage won’t happen.”

Aunt Hideko’s eyes turn impossibly cold as she slowly stands up, reminding him of a viper. “I don’t think you understand correctly, darling. Callenreeses are one of the most powerful families of America. They own everything you can think of; hotels, restaurants, hospitals, factories… You’ll never have to struggle a single day for the rest of your life.”

“I don’t care.” Eiji hisses between his pathetic wheezing. “I can’t abandon Misa.” He looks at his aunt desperately. “Is it because you don’t want to look after us anymore, aunt? Because it’s okay, I can just take the custody of Misa and we can move out whenever you want—“

Hideko’s loud laughter interrupts Eiji’s words harshly. “ _You?_ You really think you can take Misa’s custody from me? No, darling, it’s not what I want at all. I just want you to marry Mr. Callenreese’s son.”

The last bit of Eiji’s sanity disappears too and he yells at his aunt. “ _You’re selling me to them like I’m some kind of worthless whore!”_

If it was any other normal situation where he didn’t lose his mind, Eiji wouldn’t be affected by the blow. But right now, his shaking body roughly hits the ground after he loses his balance from Aunt Hideko’s slap.

“You ungrateful little filth!” Hideko screams in mad rage. “Do you think it was easy for me? Do you think it was easy for me when my husband died of a sudden heart attack and the entire load of his company fell onto my shoulders? Do you think it was easy for me when my cousin died in a car accident and I had to take care of her orphan children?”

 _You wanted us,_ Eiji thinks dazedly. _You wanted us because you have no children. Grandma was willing to take care of us but you didn’t let her because you desperately needed us._

Hideko lightly kicks him like she’s still boiling in anger. “Do you know how many disgusting old men begged me to have you for themselves? I turned them all down because I’ve always wanted _better_ for you. And now I’m offering you the most perfect life you could ever imagine and you say don’t want it, is that so?” His aunt’s messy curls shake furiously. “Fine, be ungrateful all you want. Then I’ll tell Misa she will be the one to marry Mr. Callenreese’s son.”

“ _NO!_ ” For the first time since this conversation started, Eiji feels like he’s going to puke any moment. “Aunt Hideko, Misa is only fifteen. _Fifteen._ ”

“What about it?” Hideko asks cruelly. “Her English isn’t as good as yours. I think it’d be good for her if she goes and lives in New York for a while. And as soon as she turns eighteen, she can marry Ash Callenreese.” She kneels down next to Eiji, her vanilla perfume smelling like a poison. “I’m sure Misa wouldn’t object to this plan if she knows she’ll save her brother from a 'cruel'  fate, don’t you think, dear nephew?”

Boiling tears start floating from Eiji’s eyes and wet his long neck. He opens his mouth but whatever he wants to say gets blocked by stifling sobs.

“We don’t have to choose this ugly route, dearie.” his aunt whispers sweetly. “Just say you’ll marry Aslan Callenreese and I’ll keep Misa safe and happy like I’m doing for so many years.”

It feels like a lifetime passes between them as Eiji looks at his aunt with the most hateful eyes he’s ever dared to show until today. Unlike his quiet rage, Aunt Hideko almost looks peaceful now, her hazel eyes looking at him with a compassion that makes Eiji feels even sicker.

Then, slowly, Eiji nods.

“I’m so pleased we agreed this is the best for everyone.” Hideko sighs as she elegantly stands up again and walks to the exit of room. “The servants will help you prepare your suitcases. You’re leaving on Sunday evening.”

He doesn’t say anything as Aunt Hideko lingers on the doorway for a moment and when she speaks again, her voice sounds much more genuine and tender this time.

“I know you hate me right now but with time, you’ll see I only want what’s the best for you, Eiji.” she says lightly. “Both you and Misa are very important for me. The most important even. Believe me or not.”

Eiji continues laying on the ground like a lifeless doll, hot tears still coming from his eyes. After what feels like hours later, something inside him finally breaks and his mouth opens for silent screams.

* * *

**From:** aslanjcallenreese@callenreesecorp.com

 **To:** okumura.eiji@gmail.com

_Dear Mr. Okumura,_

_I’m very delighted about the news of our engagement. Unfortunately, due to some significant business matters, I will not be here to meet you when you arrive but I really hope you’ll feel warmly welcomed by my father and our staff. I’ll do my best to finish my business as soon as possible so we can finally meet._

_Hope you travel safe and comfortable._

_Your fiancé,_

_Aslan J. Callenreese._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](http://kybelles.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/kybelles) | [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/kybelles)


	2. flower in front of the window

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again! this almost 6k chapter killed me so i really hope you'll like it! 💖💖

“You can’t abandon me.”

Words sink into Eiji’s stomach like poisonous arrows.

He stands with his back to Misa for a couple of long minutes. He can feel burning her gaze on him, can sense her pain and anger, but he doesn’t know to comfort his sister.

He mostly wants to collapse on the floor and cry with her until they both run out of tears. So that's what he exactly does.

Tearing his gaze from the plenty of suitcases his aunt made the employees prepare for him, Eiji swallows with difficulty and turns around to face her. “Misa–“

“You _can’t_ abandon me.” Misa repeats sharply and this time, her beautiful brown eyes shine with tears. “You’re all I have in the whole word and you’re leaving me—“

Eiji manages to catch her just in time as they both fall on the floor together, crying desperately.

No matter how much Eiji didn’t want that for her, Misa learned to play the game by its rules ever since they started living with Aunt Hideko. She knew very well which emotion was expected from her to display in certain situations.

When Aunt Hideko told her Eiji was going to New York to marry a complete stranger (“ _A very respectable and rich young man. Your brother will have an amazing life until the rest of his life, sweet girl.”_ ), Misa just blinked for a tense moment before her face lit up with a bright smile and she got up from her chair to hug and congratulate Eiji.

Eiji had felt her shaking body then. She’s shaking even more badly between his arms now.

“Baby,” Eiji whispers in pain. “It’s all going to be alright.”

Misa just continues crying and looks at him with big, hopeless eyes.

Eiji tries again. “As soon as you turn eighteen,” he says passionately. “As soon as _she_ has no claim on you anymore, I will leave that man and you and I’ll be free to do whatever we want. Go wherever we want.”

But Misa’s expression doesn’t turn any calmer. “You can’t guarantee it, big brother,” she whispers sadly. “No matter how much we both want it, you can’t make a promise about this.”

Eiji’s upper lip wobbles again. He and Misa stay in each other’s embrace for what feels like hours.

When it’s finally time for Eiji to leave, Misa gives him one last quick hug before she runs inside home with fresh tears in her eyes. _I can’t bear to see you leave with my own eyes,_ she had told him earlier when they were crying on the floor. Eiji looks after her as her chestnut curls disappear into the darkness, heart feeling heavy with an emotion he can’t even name.

Aunt Hideko approaches him and gives him a long hug, not caring about his hateful stare or how Eiji doesn’t hug her back. There’s a cunning look in her hazel eyes when she retreats. “I can’t tell you how much I’m proud of you, my dearest. You made the best choice.”

Eiji has so many things he could say about this, but he just looks at her with exhausted eyes and speaks softly. “Please take care of her well.”

“Oh, Eiji,” Hideko says, just as softly. “That’s exactly what I’ve been doing for so many years and I will continue doing so as long as I breathe.”

He gets inside the car without another word.

There’s quite a long distance between New York and Tokyo. Eiji mostly spends it by crying silently.

He doesn’t know how many times he drifts into restless dreams, hoping it will all just turn out to be a long and bad dream, but he wakes up each time and sees nothing’s changed. None of this feels real to him. He still doesn’t want to believe he’s going to be married to a man he doesn’t know at all for God knows how long, away from his home and his sister. All alone. Without a single familiar face around him.

Eiji _dreads_ meeting Callenreese family, especially his apparent fiancé. He doesn’t know what kind of a man Ash is and he’s scared of the answer. Ash’s e-mail sounded polite enough but Eiji could sense the anger and the unwillingness beneath it. He doesn’t know if Ash’s anger is directed at him or not.

He also doesn’t know how he should feel about the fact that Ash didn’t even bother calling him instead of sending a brief e-mail.

Aunt Hideko has told him some people from Callenreese staff were going to pick him up from the airport, so Eiji doesn’t feel surprised when this happens as soon as he sets his foot in New York. The two men who greet him seem polite enough and Eiji nods soullessly before he gets inside the car when they tell him they’ll take care of his luggage.

His heart starts clenching painfully as they drive him closer and closer, his eyes stinging with tears again, but this time he’s determined to not cry again. Eiji doesn’t know how long the car ride lasts but it feels even longer than the time he spent on the plane. When the car finally comes to a final stop, Eiji suddenly realizes it started raining. He hesitates briefly about what to do next but before he can decide on anything, somebody opens his door and leans forward.

It’s a guy and the first thing Eiji notices is his height. He’s so tall that he nearly has to bend completely in order to look Eiji in the eye. He has short black hair, dark eyes, and he’s wearing a politely blank mask on his face.

“Welcome, Mr. Okumura.” he says. “Master Callenreese is waiting for you. I’m here to accompany you.”

Eiji looks at him for a nervous moment before he gets out of the car. The guy immediately shields him from the rain with an umbrella and they slowly walk together as Eiji takes his first look at the mansion.

It’s huge.

It’s huge and it _shines_ with bright lights under the fuzzy weather. Eiji feels nauseous the longer he stares at it, so he just turns his eyes to the ground.

A strong wave of warm air hits Eiji when they get inside and he blinks owlishly for a moment. He startles a little when he sees his reflection through one of the many mirrors in the hallway.

 _I look unappealing_ , Eiji thinks, almost enthusiastically. _Unappealing and ugly and tired. Maybe they’ll send me back when they see I’m not appropriate enough for this family._

“This way.” the young man tells gently and Eiji quietly follows him.

The room they enter is even warmer and this time, Eiji can’t stop his shudder. There’s a man inside who’s standing in front of a fireplace with his back turned to Eiji, but he slowly turns back when the guy who brought Eiji here politely clears his throat.

Jim Callenreese has a very hard face. This first impression doesn’t help him at all. He eyes Eiji from head to toe like he’s some sort of show animal and when his cold blue eyes briefly shines with approval, Eiji feels the last bit of hope inside him die in a painful way.

“Welcome, Mr. Eiji.” he says with a very subtle smile on his face—so subtle that Eiji can’t tell if it’s there or not. “I hope you had a comfortable trip.”

Eiji hesitates for a short moment before he bows, praying his shaking knees don’t fail him. “I did. Thank you for your kindness, Mr. Callenreese.”

Jim makes a neutral noise before he turns again and walks over to a dinner table, instructing Eiji to follow him. “You must be hungry. Come, I made the chefs cook a delicious meal for us.”

 _I’m not hungry, I’m just tired and I want to go to bed._ Eiji swallows back any complaint he has as Aunt Hideko’s voice chants _obey, obey, obey_ inside his head and sits down. “You’re very thoughtful.”

They stay silent as someone serves their food. Eiji’s stomach feels too locked to eat anything but he knows Jim won’t be pleased if he doesn’t eat, so he consumes a few spoonful creamy soup.

Jim takes a bite from his steak, then slowly chewing it. “I guess there are some matters we should discuss.” he says in the end. “Here’s how it’s going to be: I’ll talk, you’ll listen and you’ll only answer when I want you to. Understand?”

It feels like the room’s temperature has dropped to freezing cold just in a second. Eiji can only nod a little, secretly gritting his teeth.

“Now, I’m aware this engagement didn’t happen under the most... normal circumstances.” Jim starts rather calmly. “But I think we can all agree this is the most ideal one for everyone.”

Eiji puts his hands under the table to hide how badly they’re shaking.

“As you can see, Ash is not with us today because he had urgent business matters he had to take care of. This alone proves how hardworking and determined my son is.” Jim takes a sip from his wine. “As long as you’re a part of our family, you’ll be taken care of in the best way. Anything you wish will be yours as soon as the words leave your mouth.”

He looks at Eiji with questioning eyes, clearly waiting for him to express his gratitude, but the words get stuck at Eiji’s throat and he keeps silent. Jim looks kind of disgruntled when he continues.

“But of course, you also have a certain responsibility to us, Eiji. Ash is my only son, my sole heir, and this marriage _can’t_ be anything less than perfect.” Jim says sternly and Eiji knows he has to answer this time.

“I will do my utter best to meet your expectations, Mr. Callenreese.” he says quietly, each word feeling like poison inside his mouth.

Jim’s eyebrows rise with an emotion Eiji can only describe as wicked amusement. “That’s good to know. You will also have people to help you.” He points at the corner. “This gentleman’s name is Sing Soo-Ling. He will be your personal assistant.”

Eiji turns his head and realizes Jim’s talking about the young man who escorted him here. Sing’s face hardens slightly when Jim mentions him but he still politely nods at Eiji.

“Sing is Chinese-American,” Jim says. “Ash actually suggested hiring an assistant who speaks Japanese for you but I found it unnecessary. Sing is loyal and reliable, there’s no need to hire a complete stranger. Plus, it’s not like you’re going to speak Japanese anymore.”

The shock he feels is so sudden that Eiji can’t contain himself this time and chokes on air. His throat burns between coughs, eyes burning with unshed tears, but Jim only watches him with a blank face as Eiji drinks a glass of water with shaky hands.

“Your English is very good,” Jim comments, as if nothing’s happened. “Not a trace of accent. You must have been worked hard.”

It’s a miracle Eiji is able to find his voice. “My late mother made me start learning very early.”

“Wise woman.” Jim mutters before he sighs, looking like he’s pretty bored from this conversation. “I suppose it’s enough for tonight. Sing will drive you to the mansion I chose for you and Ash. We’ll talk again if I find it necessary.”

He stands up abruptly and Eiji follows him in a helpless motion. He stands there, rigid, as Jim makes a move to get out of the room but he gives Eiji an unnerving look first. “One last thing, I don’t want you to leave the house before Ash comes back.”

Eiji recoils as if Jim has just slapped him. “Excuse me?”

“Here’s the first thing you need to learn about this family,” Jim says coldly. “We’re really private. I know I’ve already announced your engagement but I don’t want you to make your first public appearance without Ash by your side. You can visit the mansion’s grove but wandering in the neighborhood is off-limits.”

Jim doesn’t bother saying anything else and leaves him there.

Eiji doesn’t know how long he looks after him, completely frozen, but Sing eventually tells him they should leave as well and doesn’t react much when Eiji turns his dead eyes on him.

Eiji doesn’t even recall moving, doesn’t recall driving inside the car again, entering another big and glamorous mansion and meeting the staff… He only briefly comes back to himself when Sing gently drags him into a bedroom and he blinks.

“This is the bedroom As— _Master Aslan_ picked for you.” Sing explains. “He hopes you’ll feel comfortable.”

Eiji looks around him. The bed looks giant and comfortable and brand new, like they brought it just for him. The room has two more door, one opens to a bathroom, but the other looks locked and Eiji has no idea what’s behind it. This room too, like the dinner room he’s been earlier, has a fireplace. Eiji moves inside with hesitant steps and realizes he can see the fake pond pool from his long windows.

“Is there anything I can do for you, Master Eiji? A light dinner maybe? You haven’t eaten much tonight.”

Eiji closes his eyes with a deep sigh and the words escape before he can stop them. “Do you have to refer me as _Master Eiji_? Can’t it be just _Eiji_?”

When he looks at Sing again, Eiji sees him looking surprised and tense, but he quickly gathers himself. “I’m afraid not,” Sing tells him, not unkindly.

Eiji doesn’t say anything but it seems like Sing doesn’t expect an answer. He gives Eiji one last polite nod before he leaves him alone.

The bed turns out to be as comfortable as he guessed. The feather pillows caress Eiji’s face as he cries himself to sleep that night.

* * *

Days pass in a hazy blur.

Eiji is not sure what he’s supposed to do all day inside a house with a bunch of people he doesn’t know. The staff is respectful enough and they all help him in the best way whenever he requests something (though he tries not to ask for anything unless he absolutely has to) but Eiji can feel they don’t like him too much, and he doesn’t even blame them for it. He’d feel weird too if a complete stranger came out of nowhere and started being in charge of him.

The only person he regularly speaks to is Sing but even “his assistant” doesn’t talk much with Eiji. He learns Sing’s twenty years old –which surprises Eiji, considering his size, he kind of expected Sing to be older— and he’s in college. When Eiji timidly asks how he’ll handle college stuff if he has to be at Eiji’s side most of the time, Sing just grins a little and mumbles something about “distance education.”

Eiji wishes they could talk more freely. Sometimes, Sing seems like he’s just about to say something to him before he changes his mind in the last second. His hesitancy also makes Eiji prevent from asking.

So he wakes up, eats the breakfast they prepare for him alone, and spends the rest of his day laying on the sofa divan in front of the fireplace. Sing comes to spend an hour with him everyday. Meanwhile, a deep and pained isolation feeling quickly greens inside Eiji.

He follows this suffocating little routine for the next few days. Until one significant afternoon.

Eiji’s just finished the phone call he made with Misa (thankfully, Jim didn’t forbid him from contacting his family) when he hears loud noises from downstairs and he hesitantly opens his door.

“Where is he?” a male voice loudly demands. “I know he’s here. I want to see Ash’s groom.”

Eiji gasps for a shaky breath at the same time someone grits his teeth next to him. He doesn’t know how, but suddenly Sing’s standing right next to him.

“I thought Jim said I wasn’t supposed to meet anyone.” Eiji says. He’s aware he sounds accusing but he can’t help himself.

Sing lets out a deep breath. “He’s not just anyone. I’m afraid you have to accept him.”

Eiji tightly presses his lips together before he slowly walks over to the top of staircases.

Probably the prettiest man Eiji’s ever seen is standing at the downstairs.

He has _long_ hair, very long, that’s the first thing Eiji notices about him and it’s pitch black like the night. His face looks like it’s made from expensive marble. His long earrings shine under the chandelier for a moment and Eiji feels something akin to admiration and jealously as he looks at him.

However, Eiji shivers unpleasantly when the guy’s equally dark eyes land on him and a little haunted smile appears on his pretty face. “There you are, Mr. Okumura,” he says smugly. “I guess they’ve been hiding you here like a precious jewel but exceptions can always be made for me. I’ve been looking forward to meet you.”

Eiji tenses quickly, not knowing what to say but the guy doesn’t leave him much choice anyways. “We’ll be in the painting room,” he announces before Eiji has a chance to say anything. “Anna, bring me my usual tea and Wu, wait outside while we talk.”

He turns and walks inside the room without waiting for an answer, as if he _owns_ this place. Eiji jumps a little when Sing gently touches his back. “We have to go, Master Eiji.”

“Right.” Eiji says faintly.

The guy is in middle of examining the room when they walk in but he turns his attention to them after Sing firmly closes the door. He smiles mockingly when he notices Sing. “Oh, you’re here too.” His eyes trail between Sing and Eiji in a cruel mockery. “So how is your new employer, Sing? He must be rather good if you dumped me for him.”

Eiji’s eyes widen upon his words but nothing compares to the shock he feels when Sing, _polite_ and _respectful_ Sing snaps at the guy. “Have you been drinking again?”

“Maybe I have, maybe I haven’t,” the guy singsongs. “It’s not like there’s anything _you_ can do about it.”

Sing snaps his mouth shut, looking oddly hurt all of sudden.

The guy turns his cold eyes at Eiji. “You have no idea who I am, do you?”

“I don’t.” Eiji says tersely. The guy has sat down while Eiji’s still standing up. He knows he’s being rude but something about this guy is rubbing him wrong. He wants this meeting to be over as soon as possible.

“No surprise,” he snorts and gives Eiji a very smug look. “My name is Yut-Lung Lee. My family has been business partners with Callenreese family for many, many years.”

Eiji knows he’s supposed to say “ _Nice to meet you.”_ in a situation like this but instead he gives Yut-Lung a cold smile. “I guess I don’t have to introduce myself.”

“You certainly don’t, Eiji Okumura,” Yut-Lung says softly. “Ash is an old childhood friend of mine, so I thought I should come and meet you before the wedding.” He suddenly leans forward with sharp eyes. “Where is he, by the way?”

“Yut-Lung.” There’s a warning growl in Sing’s voice.

“Relax and be quiet, Sing,” the long haired guy purrs, spreading himself wider on the couch. “So, Eiji, where is Ash?”

Eiji counts to ten inside before he answers. “France. Business matters.”

“Which business matter can be important enough for his absence while his fiancé waits for him?” Yut-Lung innocently asks as he examines his nails. “And I don’t remember our company running a significant business in France either… Maybe he’s spending time with his secret lover now that he has to marry a complete stranger.”

Eiji takes a step back as his words hit him harshly. Yut-Lung sweetly smiles before he continues. “You know, Ash is used to sleeping with absolutely gorgeous men and women for business benefits but a marriage… I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re definitely pretty but pretty enough to be a trophy husband for Aslan Callenreese? I have some doubts about it.”

“That’s enough!” Sing yells with wide eyes.

Yut-Lung just smiles wider. “I thought I told you to be quiet, Sing. I’m just sharing some of my wisdom with lovely Eiji here.” He looks around with searching eyes. “God, I haven’t been inside this mansion for literal years… Callenreese family used to live here before Griffin and Amma died. And then Ash and Jim just moved to another mansion. But I guess Jim thought it would be suitable for you and Ash to live here for the rest of your lives.” He tips his head aside. “Did you know that? Or were you clueless about it too?”

Eiji just stands there quietly, body rigid with boiling poison as he looks at Yut-Lung with.

“I see,” Yut-Lung whispers in joy. “Just as I suspected. They just want you to be a pretty doll.”

“I don’t care how you view my situation,” Eiji finally hisses hysterically, aware of Sing’s eyes on him. “And I certainly don’t care what you think about me. I only have to endure this for a limited time before—“

“Is that what you really think?” Yut-Lung asks and Eiji startles badly because there’s no malice in his voice, he _genuinely_ sounds curious. “Because let me tell you, you’ll stay as Ash’s husband as long as Jim is alive and believe me when I say it, that man has no intention of dying for a long time.” He gives Eiji a radiant smile. “So you better get used to living your life as a flower in front of the window because you’re _trapped._ ”

Eiji’s stomach turns so sour that he thinks he’s really going to throw up.

The door opens and Anna walks in, carrying a tea tray but Eiji quickly sends her a sharp glance. “Take it back. Mr. Lee was just leaving.”

Anna just blinks and doesn’t move, turning her questioning eyes at Yut-Lung, clearly waiting for _him_ to say it’s okay to take it back.

Eiji can’t remember the last time he felt this humiliated.

“Yes, Anna, I’ll have the tea some other time.” Yut-Lung says softly and watches in glee as Anna dutifully walks out of the room. He stands up in one smooth movement and fixes his expensive clothes, giving Eiji one last smile. “Well, it was fun. Maybe I’ll see you around, Eiji.”

He walks away without looking back and Eiji’s knees finally uncoils, barely sitting on the couch before he falls. He doesn’t know how long he and Sing stand in tense silence before Sing _roars._ “ANNA!”

Eiji jumps from where he’s sitting and Anna re-enters the room in a hurry, looking scared and confused. “Y-yes?”

“What the hell was that?” Sing snaps angrily, his wide hands shaking in his sides. “You only take orders from Master Eiji, do you understand me? I won’t see you repeat the same disrespectful behavior ever again, _do you understand me_?”

If there was any color left in Anna’s pale cheeks, it’s quickly gone now as she bows in front of Eiji. “I understand. Please forgive me, Master Eiji, I didn’t mean anything bad.”

Suddenly, Eiji feels so tired, _so tired_ that he struggles breathing with the burden inside his chest. “Go,” he says between his gritted teeth. “Both of you. Go. Leave me alone.”

Anna goes without a complaint. Sing’s steps are slower, more hesitant, but eventually he walks out too and Eiji finally puts his head between his knees as a tremor takes over his body and Yut-Lung’s overly smooth voice repeats. _You’re trapped, you’re trapped, you’re trapped._

“Be quiet,” Eiji sobs pathetically. “Please, please be quiet.”

* * *

The first impression Sing has about Eiji Okumura is that he reminds him of a cartoon deer.

Seriously, the guy probably has the biggest doe eyes Sing’s ever seen in his life, and his surprise only grows when he remembers Eiji is actually five years older than him. He moves with a certain elegancy ( _Former ballet dancer,_ Sing reminds himself) and he’s soft spoken, polite, just like they want from him. But he radiates such a melancholic aura around him with every single breath he takes that sometimes Sing’s throat tightens as he looks at Eiji’s pale face.

Sing’s seen his fair share of fucked up things ever since he turned fifteen and started being involved in family business but Eiji’s situation is unlike anything else he’s ever seen. He can’t imagine how he’d feel if he was suddenly forced to abandon his hometown to marry someone he didn’t even meet before.

On top of that, Sing is also _angry_ with Ash. One day, after Eiji politely but firmly turns down the lunch again, he phones Shorter in a furious rush.

“What’s taking Ash so long?” he hisses. Shorter, for some reason Sing doesn’t understand, still watches over him like a protective brother even though there’s no blood relation between them and Sing’s just a simple guy who works for Lee-Callenreese association. “He could’ve come here immediately if he wanted.”

“I don’t know.” Shorter says, voice tense. “I also tried to tell him this but…”

Sing doesn’t know how many times he opens his mouth to comfort Eiji before he backs out. There are roles, definite rules in the world they live in and Sing doesn’t know if his sympathy would be welcomed by Eiji. Jim hired him as an assistant, nothing more. Sing knows how to play his role.

Even hours after Yut-Lung leaves the mansion, Sing’s hands don’t stop shaking as he chain smokes. He knows he shouldn’t, he knows he’s young and it’s harmful for him, he knows Yut-Lung would be unhappy if he knew (But Yut-Lung is a _hypocrite_ and _liar_ because he continues drinking even though he promised Sing, so he supposed there’s no need to keep his own promise) but he can’t stop himself.

Eiji looked quite determined when he told Sing to leave him alone but it’s been hours now and there’s an uneasy feeling growing inside him. So he just mutters “ _Fuck it.”_ under his breath, putting out the cigarette to slowly climb the stairs.

He gingerly knocks on Eiji’s door. “Master Eiji?”

There’s no answer. Sing waits for five heartbeats before he knocks again and when there’s no answer again, he rolls the door handle.

It’s not locked. But there is no sign of Eiji inside either.

Sing hesitantly moves inside the room and his blood turns to ice in his veins when he realizes the balcony door is open.

Eiji’s standing on his tiptoes just behind the balcony railing. His face looks eerily blank as the harsh wind hits his face and he’s holding the railing in a very gingerly grip. If he lets go of it even a little, he’ll fall.

Sing’s lungs burn as he gasps for a breath.

The noise seems to startle Eiji from his trance because he turns his head and looks at Sing with his deep and dark eyes.

“I’ve told you earlier, Mr. Soo-Ling,” he says coldly. “I don’t need your service right now. Leave me alone.”

Sing’s heart starts beating wildly in his ears but he uses all of his willpower to calmly take another cigarette from his pocket. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to bother you. I merely wanted to smoke. This balcony has a nice view.”

Eiji watches him as Sing lights the cigarette before he turns his eyes to the ground again. Sing quickly takes a drag before he continues. “If you don’t mind me asking, what are you trying to achieve by doing… this?”

Eiji’s lips curl with a small smile, but it’s the furthest thing from amusement. “Let’s say I’m just shortening the period of some inevitable events.”

Sing’s mouth starts twitching. “Look—“

“I can’t believe I was naïve enough to think there was an escape from this,” Eiji says, looking strangely calm. “Look at me. I’m living locked inside a house until Jim Callenreese decides it’s okay for me get out and it’s only the _beginning_. Who knows what else I’ll have to endure in the future… Yut-Lung is right, isn’t he? I guess there’s a fair amount of honesty in his cruelty.”

“That’s not true.” Sing says desperately. “That’s not true at all. You’ll—“

“I’ll never be able to save Misa from that hell,” Eiji whispers. “And she’ll eventually resent me, _hate_ me and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

His fingers loosen a little.

“Dammit— _Eiji_!” Sing yells in fear, throwing away the cigarette. “Eiji— you’re not gonna die if you jump. It’s not high enough.”

For the first time, Eiji’s face darkens with hesitancy.

“Maybe you’ll become permanently disabled, maybe you’ll stay in coma but you won’t _die_.” Sing rasps between ragged breaths. “What will happen to Misa then? Do you think she’ll have a happier life?”

Tears pool down in Eiji’s dark brown eyes.

Sing lets out a shaky exhale as a few tears escapes from his own eyes. “No matter what happens, your sister will always need you, Eiji. And I know _nothing_ looks fine at the moment for you but I swear on my life, Ash is a much better man than Jim. You’ll understand it once you meet him. He won’t make you unhappy.”

Eiji closes his eyes for a full minute and he still looks hesitant when he opens them.

“And I’ll—“ Sing swallows with difficulty. “I’ll be your _friend_ too, Eiji. I’ll stand by your side, I’ll protect you, I’ll help you. So please don’t…” He slowly extends his hand. “Don’t do this.”

Eiji looks at his hand like a timid child as the tears continue coming from his eyes. In the end, he nods very slowly and reaches out to hold it.

He slips in the last second.

Sing doesn’t remember moving faster in his life before. Eiji yelps in fear as he loses his balance but Sing catches him from his silk morning robe with a barbaric strength and pulls him inside. Their combined bodies hit the floor rather sternly but Eiji doesn’t look like he’s aware of the physical pain as he sobs uncontrollably between Sing’s arms.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—“ he repeats hysterically between his tears.

“Shhh,” Sing whispers as he pats his back but _he’s_ also shaking. “It’s over. You’re safe.”

It takes a while, but Sing carries Eiji to his bed once he’s calmed down enough. Eiji looks horrified and ashamed now, body still shaking in silent tears. “I’m the worst brother ever.” he whispers. “I’m Misa’s only family and I almost—“

Sing kindly cups his head to make him take a few sips from ginseng tea. “Sleep now, Eiji.” he whispers back firmly. “Sleep and it will all look like a distant dream when you wake up.”

It’s probably the longest night he’s ever had but Sing still stays in Eiji’s room that night. After watching Eiji toss and turn restlessly for the next hours, Sing slowly steps into the balcony again to light a cigarette. He takes his phone out of his pocket.

The hours is late. Very late. But he still picks up after a few tries.

“It’s about today, isn’t it?” Yut-Lung sighs quietly, sounding regretful and soft. Sing closes his eyes. “Because I know I wasn’t very nice and I’m sorry for it. You know I’d never hurt you intentionally, Sing.”

Sing puts the cigarette between his lips. “You will apologize from Eiji.”

The silence from the other side of the phone is tense. Yut-Lung’s laugh sounds very humorless when he finally answers. “No. There are some things I just won’t do. Not even for you.”

“Either you're going to apologize,” Sing repeats calmly. “Or I will never speak with you again. For the rest of my life.”

Venom drips from Yut-Lung’s voice. “You’re in no position to threaten me.”

“This is not a threat. I’m just telling you what’s gonna happen.”

“Sing, you—“

Sing hangs up. He takes another drag from his cigarette, then another, then another.

* * *

Ash’s almost asleep when he feels a hand on his hair. A second later, the smell of hot chocolate fills his nose and he slowly lifts his head from the kitchen table.

“You know, you really shouldn’t sleep on the table if you don’t want an awful neck pain.”

It’s hard to remember the times where Natasha’s hair was blonde (her original color) instead of the red she uses for the past few years. Ash blinks a couple of times before his vision gets clear and he accepts the mug with a quiet murmur.

Natasha just hums back and sits quietly next to him but it doesn’t last long, because she’s not the type of woman who talks around something.

“Ash,” she says gently. “Why aren’t you with your fiancé?”

Ash’s stomach knots in an almost painful way. He knows he can’t fool Natasha, but still, he tries. “I thought you’d be happy to see Blanca. Guess he’s getting too ugly for you…”

Natasha’s lips curl upwards with a little smile. “Of course I’m happy to see my husband. But you still haven’t answered my question.”

Ash lets out a deep breath, warming his fingers around the hot chocolate mug. “I’m afraid,” he confesses in a whisper in the end.

Natasha waits.

“I’m afraid of this marriage. I’m afraid of meeting him. I’m afraid of finding out what he actually thinks of me. I’m afraid he already hates me.”

Natasha’s sigh is too patient, too fond. “You’ll never actually know until you meet him, child. And you _have to_ meet him eventually.”

“I know.”

“He’s waiting for you there, Ash,” Natasha says, suddenly looking so, so melancholic. “And trust me, there are only a few things in the world more tiring than waiting for someone.”

Ash tightly presses his lips together.

“Natasha!” Blanca’s impatient voice suddenly comes from the garden and Ash rolls his eyes while Natasha laughs.

Ash doesn’t blame him though. He knows Blanca wants to spend his every second with his wife before they have to go back.

“Coming, Sergei!” she answers, standing up and kindly touching Ash’s hair for one last time. “Please think about what I said.”

Ash sits alone in the kitchen table after she leaves and slowly drinks his hot chocolate like he has all the time in the world, but he _doesn’t_ , and he knows it too well. He rises to his feet after he finishes it and slowly walks over to the room at the end of hallway.

Griffin’s chest rises and falls in steady breaths under his quilt, his face carrying a rare peace as if the nightmares decided to leave him alone tonight. He doesn’t give any reaction when Ash pulls a chair to sit by his bed. He doesn’t give any reaction to Ash when he’s awake either.

Ash takes a deep breath as he buries his face to his brother’s chest and starts crying.

“Help me, Griff,” he sobs quietly. “Help me. I don’t know what to do anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, i never thought not writing eiji and yue as best friends would this hard...
> 
>  **up next:** asheiji meeting and wedding 👀👀


	3. twisted tenderness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i constantly listened [charms by abel korzeniowski](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QmdTSbz1dQ) while writing this chapter just letting you know ;)

Things continue normally for the next few days— at least, as normal as it can be in this situation. Only now, Sing spends nearly all of his time with Eiji.

Eiji doesn’t mind, not at all, because Sing somehow manages not to make it feel like he’s babysitting Eiji. He eats his meals with Eiji, stays by his side, patiently listens and gently answers whenever Eiji timidly wants to talk about what happened, but Sing never forces him to talk if he doesn’t want to. If Eiji becomes silent and prefers listening some Abel Korzeniowski, Sing just brings his homework to the room and occupies himself with it.

He didn’t realize how hungry he was for human interaction until someone started talking with him again.

Eiji still feels an unbearable guilt about what he’s almost done. He doesn’t think he’ll get over it soon but Sing’s gentle support and hearing Misa’s voice on the phone everyday helps. At least he remembers he has a reason to stay alive.

The morning Sing tells him Ash will be finally here late at night, Eiji’s knuckles turn white from his tight grip on the sofa.

“Well,” he says after a pause, smiling weakly. “Looks like I’ll finally be able to fulfill my original duty.”

A pitying look settles in Sing’s eyes but he doesn’t try to comfort Eiji with empty words. After a little silence, Sing lifts his head and this time, he almost looks nervous.

“There’s one more thing,” he says hesitantly. “Yut-Lung. He wants to visit you again.”

Eiji sharply crosses his arms. “Why? So he can humiliate me even more?”

“Eiji…” Sing says with a sympathetic murmur. “I’m pretty sure he wants to apologize this time. He can’t risk facing Ash’s wrath if he finds out Yut-Lung made you upset.”

Eiji tries not to sound bitter and fails. “Why would Ash care?”

Sing smiles kindly, _too_ kindly maybe, and Eiji turns his head away like he’s a five year old child. “Do I _have to_ accept him? I’ve already done it once. Why can’t he just leave me alone?”

“Even if you don’t accept him this time,” Sing starts. “You’ll have to see him again in the future. Lee family is the number one partner of Callenreese family. I say just talk to him so you can get rid of it for now.”

Eiji lets out a long, painful exhale and keeps his eyes closed for a full minute. “Fine,” he finally says. “Fine, I’ll see him.”

Sing doesn’t say anything but the pleased look on his face isn’t exactly subtle.

Eiji hesitates about asking this, but his curiosity wins in the end. “Sing… What did Yut-Lung mean when he said that things about you ‘dumping’ him?”

Sing tenses so suddenly that Eiji fears he’s asked something terribly wrong but Sing just walks over to window, turning his face away from Eiji. “I was working at his side before this job,” he explains briefly, voice weirdly unemotional. “But I felt I wasn’t being useful enough, so I asked Master Callenreese to give me another task. I didn’t know you were going to marry Ash before I quitted my job so whatever Yut-Lung says, you should know it’s not about you, Eiji.”

“Oh.” Eiji murmurs. He feels like there’s more to this story, but it’s not his place to ask, so he doesn’t.

Yut-Lung comes at exactly five past three. He’s wearing a less glamorous outfit this time but his beauty remains untouchable. To Eiji’s surprise, he gives Sing a frosty look before he turns his neutral face to Eiji.

“Thank you for accepting me,” he says, polite enough but clearly not sincere. “Should we talk in the painting room?”

The idea of being closed in a room with Yut-Lung again brings a strong wave of discomfort to Eiji’s chest, so he quickly shakes his head. “How about taking a walk in the grove?”

Yut-Lung merely lifts an eyebrow, but he accepts anyway.

Eiji has to admit, the grove is indeed beautiful. It’s clear they took care of it very well while also respecting the nature’s work. If he has to choose a positive thing about his new “home”, then it’s definitely this groove.

Yut-Lung adjusts his fur coat tighter around his shoulder against the light breeze and Eiji talks without thinking. “Is this fake fur?”

Yut-Lung kind of looks amused even though he glares at him. “Not that it’s any of your business but yes, it’s fake. I may be a terrible person but I’m not _that_ terrible.”

They walk together for a while in silence. Eiji just wants it to be over as soon as possible, but he refuses to be the one who breaks the silence.

Eventually, Yut-Lung sighs in a dramatic way. “I suppose I owe you an apology.”

Eiji snorts without meaning to. “ _You suppose_?”

“Fine.” Yut-Lung says with an evident annoyance. “I do owe you an apology. I spoke way too harshly with you. I guess it was some sort of power demonstration.”

“But why?” Eiji asks, more confused than he’s ever been in his life. “I’m basically a nobody. I’m not capable of doing you any harm…” A new theory forms inside his head and Eiji gives Yut-Lung a careful look. “...Are you in love with Ash? Is that why you don’t like me?”

Yut-Lung stops abruptly and looks at him with such a great shock that Eiji instantly panics, but before he has a chance to say thing, Yut-Lung starts laughing loudly. So loudly that a couple of birds get disturbed and fly away.

“Oh my—in love with Ash—“ Yut-Lung speaks with difficulty between his laughs, wiping away his tears. Eiji just watches him in a frozen state. He composes himself after a couple of minutes and there’s a strange hardness in his voice when he speaks again. “No, I assure you, little dove, I’m not in love your fiancé. In fact, I don’t even have any positive feelings regarding him.”

“You said he was an old childhood friend.”

“Yes. That doesn’t mean we still have to be friends.” A brief, vulnerable look passes from his face. “I don’t have friends.”

Eiji doesn’t know what to say about this but luckily, Yut-Lung doesn’t wait for an answer as he starts walking again. “So yes, I’m sorry I intentionally said hurtful things to you to make Ash mad.” He has an intense look in his eyes. “But I wasn’t necessarily lying. In this world… _our_ world, there are certain bonds you can’t just break, certain situations where you can’t turn your back and go, certain debts you can’t pay no matter how much you try… Perhaps, in my own twisted way, I just wanted to give you a fair warning.”

There’s a subtle dampness in his eyes but Eiji quickly blinks back his tears before they can fall. He doesn’t know what possesses him into talking, but words spill from his mouth as he and Yut-Lung continue walking. “I feel so alone here.”

Yut-Lung sends him a cautious look but doesn’t say anything, so Eiji goes on. “Sing is the kindest one to me in this mansion but I still can’t help but think he’s doing it out of pity.”

Yut-Lung’s demeanor hardens again when he hears Sing’s name. “He’s happy at his new job then. How wonderful.”

Eiji chooses his next words carefully. “I don’t know what happened between you two but—“

“Nothing’s happened!” Yut-Lung hisses angrily. “One day he was happy and energetic about his job at my side and the next day I found out he was asking for another position from that old man Jim. So _don’t_ trust him if you think he’s your friend!”

Yut-Lung’s words don't exactly make Eiji feel any better but he can hear the unmistakable hurt beneath the anger, so he doesn’t make another comment. Instead, he tries another thing. “Maybe you can be my friend.”

Yut-Lung stops again and his black eyes shine with _real_ amusement this time. “Pardon me?”

“I told you, I have don’t have any ability to cause you harm and I’m very alone here.” Eiji says unabashedly and Yut-Lung startles a little from his honesty. “I want a friend.”

“Let me see I understand it correctly,” Yut-Lung says teasingly. “I basically just admitted I don’t have a positive relationship with your fiancé and yet you still want to be my _friend_?”

Eiji grits his teeth. “I don’t have to make my every single choice based on how Ash feels about it.”

“Hmm…” Yut-Lung smiles in a mocking way. “Maybe you’re making a great mistake.”

“Maybe. Or maybe I’m not.”

An unreadable emotion settles on Yut-Lung’s face.

When he finally decides to leave, Eiji briefly disappears into the kitchen and comes back with a basket. “White strawberries,” he explains against Yut-Lung’s questioning gaze. “My sister sent me them from Japan. Sing says you also like them, so I want to give you some.”

Yut-Lung’s lips part in a visible hesitancy, making Eiji roll his eyes. “Don’t worry, I didn’t poison them or anything. Here,” he takes one from the basket and eats it. “Now we’ll be both damned if they’re really poisonous.”

Yut-Lung snorts a laugh as he accepts the basket, looking at Eiji with a thoughtful expression. “I guess we’ll see each other again, little dove.”

“Yes.” Eiji answers absently. “Yes, I guess we will.”

* * *

The moment he sees the “old” mansion, Ash overflows with the need to turn around and go, but he can’t. He’s run enough.

The last time he saw the mansion was five years ago, but it seems like his dad made sure it was well-kept. _How cruel of you to choose this mansion for me,_ Ash thinks dizzily, a familiar hatred swimming in his veins. _Then again, you’ve been always a cruel man. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore._

Ash climbs the steps like a man walking to his execution, his heart heavy with so many emotions he can’t even name. When he turns the corner, he sees Sing’s waiting for him with a hesitant look on his face.

“Ash…” he says slowly, but he doesn’t continue. Like he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say anymore.

“Where is he?” Ash asks quietly.

Sing looks at him cautiously for a moment. “Winter terrace,” he answers. “Waiting for you.”

Ash closes his eyes briefly before he lets out a long breath and starts walking again.

Eiji Okumura is waiting for him at the terrace, just like Sing said.

From where he’s standing, Ash can see his side profile. Like he remembers, Eiji has ink black hair while his skin is a little bit more tan than Ash’s, but still pale. He’s leaning his face against his right palm, eyes absently watching the flowers shaking in the night breeze, but a moment later, those dark brown eyes suddenly turn on Ash and he feels completely hypnotized.

Ash moves before he can disturb Eiji from his position. He timidly sits on the wicker chair beside Eiji. For long moment, they just nervously look at each other, feeling lost at words.

“I’m sorry for taking this long,” Ash says eventually, voice probably a bit louder than it should be. “I should’ve been here when you arrived. I’m really sorry about that.”

“No need to apologize.” Eiji says coolly, making Ash wince internally but he can’t blame Eiji. He also notices there’s zero trace of accent in Eiji’s words. “I’m sure you had very important business matters.”

“I did.”

Silence stretches almost painfully between them but it’s Eiji who breaks it this time. “By the way, are you hungry? I’m sure the chefs can cook something for you.”

_Of course they can, this is my house._ Ash swallows the unnecessarily bitter words back and smiles a little. “Thank you but I had dinner on the plane.”

“Very well.” Eiji murmurs almost shyly. “How about some tea? I’ve made some for myself…”

Ash doesn’t refuse this time and watches as Eiji fills a teacup with his surprisingly tiny hands. He suppresses the sudden and inappropriate urge to grin in amusement and accepts the cup with a murmur of thanks.

They trail into silence once again and just as Ash’s thinking about a way to break it properly, Eiji sighs in a very _tired_ way. “Can I take my mask off now?”

Ash blinks. “Sorry?”

Even Eiji’s smile looks tired. “Forgive me but I’m not in the mood to pretend like everything’s normal. I’d like to talk about what happened, what _will_ happen, in complete honesty.”

Ash looks at him for a long time. “I understand,” he says with a much sober voice and he sighs too. “First of all, I’m _truly_ sorry about this, Eiji. Believe me, I also had no idea my father was planning something like this. They had already arranged everything when my father finally told me. But I… I understand if you hate me. I don’t blame you.”

He bows his head in shame.

There’s confusion in Eiji’s voice. “Why would I hate you, Ash? You’re a victim too.”

Ash’s eyes snap to his face but Eiji looks determined. “I don’t hate you.” he repeats. “But I want you to be honest with me, Ash. Always.”

Ash nods very slowly and stops himself from sighing _again_. “I guess I need to say this first,” he says rather dumbly. “The wedding is in two weeks.”

Eiji doesn’t even look surprised. Ash doesn’t know what to feel about this.

“And my father, he…” Ash takes a big gulp from his tea. “He doesn’t want us to tell… you know…”

“How we got engaged,” Eiji completes easily. “Understandable. I guess telling people I’m some sort of a custom groom isn’t very ideal.”

Ash flinches visibly at this but Eiji doesn’t seem fazed. “Go on, then. What kind of story he wants us to tell?”

“That we were already long-time lovers before this engagement,” Ash answers as calmly as he can. “That I admired you for many years before we started being together.”

Eiji’s lips part for breath and Ash’s eyes follow the motion. “Such a romantic story,” Eiji huffs mockingly, but for some reason, he sounds a little breathless. “Fine, if that’s what he wants…” His fingers play around the teacup. “And what do _you_ expect from me, Ash?”

Ash’s eyes sharply returns to his face. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” he bristles and lets out a long breath to calm his nerves. “I mean… Of course I’ll expect some certain behaviors from you when we’re in public, no matter how much I wish it wouldn’t be the case but… in your free time, you’re free to do whatever you want. I heard you are a translator and photographer… I won’t let you quit your job _even if_ my father pushes for it.”

Some of the tension leaves Eiji’s body but he still looks hesitant. Ash quickly continues. “I also don’t expect any… _personal_ favors from you. Please don’t have any fear about this. You’ll keep your own bedroom even after we’re married.” Ash pauses to wet his throat. “Although I have to warn you, I’ll stay in the bedroom next to yours and one of the doors in your room opens directly to my room. But don’t worry, we’ll always keep it locked. Forgive me, it felt too weird to use my parents’ old room.”

He can see there are questions in Eiji’s eyes but thankfully, he doesn’t ask anything and Ash’s glad for it. He’s not ready to talk about it. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be.

Instead, Eiji just quietly says, “Of course, Ash. This is your house. You’re free to do whatever you want.”

Ash tries to speak as gently as he can. “This is your house too.”

“Yes,” Eiji says. “I guess it is.”

“Once again, I’m so…sorry about everything, Eiji.” Ash says desperately. He knows he sounds like a damn parrot but he doesn’t know what else he can say. “I wish there was a way… But I’m afraid I have my hands tied as long as my father is alive.”

Something about his words makes Eiji lift his head, his big dark brown eyes shining in an almost hopeful way.

“As long as your father is alive?” he asks carefully. “Does this mean we can get a divorce after he dies?”

Ash startles like Eiji’s just slapped him harshly and Eiji’s eyes widen. “I didn’t mean—God, it sounded like I was praying for your father’s death.” he says weakly. “That wasn’t my intention, I swear.”

_Don’t worry,_ Ash wants to say. _I’m also praying for his death._

He doesn’t know why he’s so shaken by Eiji’s words, because obviously, _obviously_ he’ll want to go back to his own life after Jim dies. Yet, hearing this from Eiji’s mouth makes his stomach feel sour in an unpleasant way.

“Of course we can get a divorce.” Ash says calmly.

At least Eiji doesn’t say “ _Good.”_ upon hearing this and just bows his head.

Ash feels numb in more than one way, wanting to sleep for long hours to soothe his aching mind and body, but he feels something in his pocket when he shuffles and _remembers_.

“One last thing,” he says as he pulls the little box from his pocket. “Hopefully it’ll fit, but we can always take it back to jeweler if it doesn’t…”

A look of realization passes from Eiji’s face but he doesn’t reach out to take the box from Ash’s hands. Instead, he extends his right hand to Ash.

Ash gulps down as he accepts it.

Eiji’s hand is small, so small that it practically disappears in Ash’s palm. And it’s _cold_. For one crazy moment, Ash thinks about taking his other hand too and keep them inside his palms until they’re warmer. He quickly dismisses this ridiculous thought and instead, focuses on sliding the ring on Eiji’s finger.

It fits perfectly.

Ash huffs a small laugh. “Luck.”

“Ruby.”

Ash suddenly feels nervous. “Oh, um… I should’ve probably asked for your opinion. Ruby is my favorite gemstone so I chose… What’s yours, by the way? I don’t have my ring yet. I’ll use your favorite gemstone for it.”

He freezes when he finally lifts his head and his eyes immediately meet Eiji’s dark brown eyes. For some reason, Eiji's eyes look more affectionate than they were a minute ago and Ash feels warmer in just mere seconds.

“Sapphire,” Eiji says in the end. “I think a sapphire ring will suit you.”

* * *

 When it finally happens, their wedding is simple but elegant, and luckily it contains a lot less people than Eiji has expected.

(“ _Of course it’s not crowded_ ,” Yut-Lung said when he visited Eiji in the preparation room that morning. The suit he chose was a radiant red one and Eiji distantly thought he should be the groom. _“It’s a privilege to attend Aslan Callenreese’s wedding and Jim won’t give anyone that kind of privilege easily.”_

_“What exactly are you doing here?”_ Sing asked before Eiji opened his mouth, more curious than annoyed, but Yut-Lung angrily lifted a single eyebrow at him anyway.

_“Making sure I’m here to help him in case my **friend** needs something. You don’t have to worry about everything, Sing.”_)

Truth be told, Eiji doesn’t exactly recall how they got married. Walking in careful steps under the stares of strangers, reaching the altar and accepting Ash’s hand (His hand is big and warm while Eiji’s is cold and small, he remembers that part), repeating some words he’s already memorized in the last two weeks… It all feels pretty blurry to him.

Eiji only comes to his senses when Ash leans in and plants a very brief kiss on his cheek and gently pulls him into his arms.

“We have to dance.” he whispers into Eiji’s ear.

_Oh,_ Eiji thinks absently as he hears the familiar melody of waltz.

Ever since he was a child, dancing always has been something that brought Eiji _joy_ and _ease._ (Even after… that incident) So he finds himself slowly relaxing as they continue waltzing together. He involuntarily snuggles closer to Ash, some of the tension he carries draining from his body with the contact.

“You have a nice smile.” Ash says all of sudden.

Eiji wasn’t even aware he was smiling until Ash told him, so it slips away from his face in surprise.

Ash’s limpid green eyes look a little a little regretful now. “I’m sorry. I know you’re not happy right now. I don’t know why I said that…”

And just like that, Eiji feels a strong wave of fondness at him and smiles again. “Who says I’m not happy? I love waltzing. And you’re a good dancer.”

Ash pauses, looking at Eiji under his blonde eyelashes, and he smiles too. “Hmm, is that so?”

Eiji’s smile widens as Ash masterly twirls them on the dance floor. And if his smile turns into a joyful laugh when Ash literally sweeps him off his feet, well, no one can blame him. After all, it’s his wedding day.

* * *

After tossing and turning in his bed for long hours, Ash finally gets fed up and decides to go to library to read something.

Just before he turns on the light of library, he notices a desk lamp is already on and someone’s standing in front of the window. Ash moves forward a little after he realizes it’s Eiji.

Eiji’s sleepily watching the rain through the long window. He’s holding a mug between his hand as he leans against the windowsill. There’s a white morning robe on him and Ash _almost_ laughs out loud when he notices the [deer plush slippers](https://i.imgur.com/jHcCIqC.jpg) he’s wearing. Almost.

He can’t deny how cute Eiji looks though.

Ash gently clears his throat to make his presence known and Eiji jumps slightly, but he quickly relaxes again when he sees it’s just Ash.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Ash asks kindly as he sits on the sofa.

Eiji just sighs. “Sadly no. And mind you, I feel awfully tired too. But I just can’t fall asleep…”

“It was a very tiring day.” Ash confirms carefully.

Eiji continues taking sips from his mug while he watches the rain and Ash uses that time to examine him. He wishes he had some sort of medicine to help Eiji sleep peacefully, hoping whatever Eiji’s drinking will make him fall asleep soon.

He also wishes he had some comforting words to say. He doesn’t want Eiji to feel agitated and restless in this house, doesn’t want him to feel like a complete stranger. Even though that’s what they are. Just two strangers that have to share the same life until one crazy man finally gives his last breath.

Ash suddenly feels like the loneliest man in the world.

“Ash?”

“Yeah?”

Eiji’s silent for a while. “You… you said there are some certain expectations when we’re in the public together, right?”

Ash suddenly feels much more awake. “I did.”

“Does this mean we…” Under the gloomy light of the library, Eiji’s cheeks turn pink. “Does this mean we have to kiss?”

It feels like a lifetime passes while Ash tries to find his voice.

His first instinct is to open his mouth and say “ _No.”_ because it’s pretty obvious Eiji’s not exactly fond of the idea. But Eiji’s only request from him was _honesty_ and at that moment, Ash can’t find it in him to lie to Eiji. “Yes,” he says eventually. “Yes, at some point.”

The silence he meets this time feels very long to Ash. Then, with a patient sigh, Eiji sets his mug on the table and Ash is hundred percent sure his heart just _stops._

Ash doesn’t even dare moving an inch as Eiji slowly walks over to him and kneels down with an elegancy only the dancers are capable of. This close, Ash can smell his lilac and honey perfume.

Eiji pauses before he kisses him, letting Ash know he can push him away if he doesn’t want this.

Ash doesn’t.  And a moment later, velvety warm lips close on his own lips for only brief seconds.

_He’s been drinking green tea,_ Ash thinks dazedly. Green tea has never been one of his favorite things, but in that moment, it feels like it's the world’s most delicious aroma.

“Sweet dreams, Ash.” Eiji whispers just before he retreats and leaves the library before Ash even has a chance to _breathe_ again.

Ash spends his first night as a married man alone in the library, eyes looking at the pages of a book he’s not even seeing, lips tingling from the ghost of a green tea flavored kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually own eiji's deer plush slippers and they're very comfortable, so naturally i had to give them to my best baby.
> 
> i'm currently writing a new one-shot for [banana fish au week](https://bananafishauweek.tumblr.com/post/182556097100/were-happy-to-announce-banana-fish-au-week-the)! take a look at the prompt list, maybe you'll see something you like and want to contribute. :')
> 
> **up next:** some drama. :))


	4. pale fire

Soon enough, living with Ash starts to feel like he’s living with a ghost.

Eiji has always been an early riser. Every morning, he lays on his bed as he listens the faint sounds coming from the next room. This lasts about twenty minutes before Ash finally leaves his room in quiet movements. After that, Eiji has the mansion for himself for long, _long_ hours.

(One day, he got so curious that he silently got up from his bed and went downstairs before he could stop himself. He thought maybe he’d see Ash having breakfast or something else but Ash wasn’t there. Eiji found out that day Ash leaves the mansion as quickly as possible.)

Ash offered to buy a photography studio or a separate office for him once, but the thought of accepting something this big from him made Eiji feel uneasy, so he politely declined. The house is already so unnecessarily big. Eiji is content with using one of the empty rooms.

In the mornings, Eiji drinks a cup of coffee before he goes for his morning run in the grove. He has his breakfast after he takes a shower and then starts working in his “office”. He mostly forgets about lunch until Sing comes with a tray and bullies him into eating. Eiji even meets Yut-Lung at a nearby (and safe, whatever the hell that means) restaurant for lunch sometimes. After that, he returns home and just mindlessly passes the time until it’s dinner time. He generally talks to Misa. The weather still isn’t warm enough but luckily there’s an indoor pool Eiji sometimes uses. The library also contains tons of books.

It doesn’t look so bad overall. Yet, the emptiness inside Eiji’s chest only continues growing.

Ash _never_ comes home during the dinner time. For a reason Eiji doesn’t understand (stubbornness maybe) he’s actually waited for him one time to eat dinner. Fifteen minutes turned into thirty minutes, that turned into an hour, that into two hours… In the end, Eiji went to bed with an empty stomach and stinging eyes.

When Ash comes back, if by a miracle Eiji still hasn’t gone to bed, they share the most awkward and painful ten minutes of conversation before they retreat to their own rooms.

Eiji knows he shouldn’t feel _ungrateful_ like this. After all, Ash isn’t forcing him to do anything, leaving him alone to do whatever he pleases instead.

He still can’t help feeling hurt.

One of these ordinary days, Sing announces he’s going to Lee mansion to run a couple of errands and asks Eiji if wants to tag along. Eiji briefly feels uncertain about showing up without letting Yut-Lung know but eventually shrugs, deciding it’s better than spending another casual day at home.

It takes ten minutes to reach Lee mansion by car and Eiji wishes they took a walk instead. When they reach the garden door, Eiji sees the bodyguard Yut-Lung brought along the first time he “visited” Eiji is waiting there. He nods at Sing but his eyes narrow when they land on Eiji.

“Do you have an appointment to see Master Yut-Lung, Mr. Callenreese?” he asks, not unkindly, but Eiji still feels bewildered.

Sing audibly grits his teeth. “Wu. Are you fucking serious right now?”

Wu seems displeased by Sing’s attitude. “You know the procedure, Sing. I’m afraid I can’t let Mr. Callenreese in before—“

“What’s the meaning of this?”

It’s almost like Yut-Lung appears out of thin air. He coldly glares at Wu as his fingers play with his long braid. “Why are you being disrespectful to my friend, Wu?”

Wu bows his head with respect. “Forgive me, young master. I only—“

“Eiji is a dear friend of mine and he can come and go whenever he wants,” Yut-Lung says loudly and Eiji’s lips part in surprise. “Do not repeat this behavior again. Ever.”

Wu hesitates for a moment before he bows at Eiji this time. “I deeply apologize, Mr. Callenreese.”

“That’s okay.” Eiji quickly says, finally finding his voice. He and Sing walk inside.

Sing’s eyes are on Yut-Lung but he gives Eiji a small smile as they part ways. “I’ll be with you in a while.”

Eiji nods while Yut-Lung chooses not to say anything. Instead, he leads Eiji into a cozy glass house. “So, um...” Eiji says awkwardly. “Thank you but you didn’t have to be so harsh on him. He was only doing his job…”

Yut-Lung rolls his eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself. This had nothing to do with you.”

Eiji opens his mouth so say something else but he stops in his tracks when he sees the _fluffiest_ and _whitest_ cat in the world laying on the glass table, little body heaving with breaths.

“Oh my,” Eiji whispers in awe and before he can stop himself, he reaches out and strokes the cat’s head.

The cat opens its blue eyes and gives Eiji the loudest meow he’s ever heard, causing him to startle.

Yut-Lung laughs loudly.

Eiji turns and looks at him, because it’s the first time he heard Yut-Lung laugh this freely. Even his black eyes look kind of apologetic. “Persephone is deaf,” he explains. “So she doesn’t know how damn loud her meowing is. But she’s a real baby angel.” He clears his throat. “Anyway, let’s sit…”

Even though she scared him to death only a few minutes ago, Persephone seems to like Eiji since she chooses Eiji’s lap as her next nap spot. Yut-Lung smiles lightly at the scene.

Two employees serve them tea and cookies. It’s kind of hard, with the cat on his lap, but Eiji manages to drink his tea. Yut-Lung slowly chews a cookie as he carefully watches Eiji and finally speaks after he swallows it. “So… How’s the married life going?”

“It’s good.” Eiji says quickly, too quickly maybe, and Yut-Lung rises a single eyebrow.

Eiji sighs.

He doesn’t know why he feels comfortable about sharing this with Yut-Lung. It’s definitely not because of his warm personality or comforting sympathy. Yet, Eiji finds himself talking while Yut-Lung listens with a neutral look on his face.

“But I’m probably just being ungrateful,” he murmurs. “I mean, he’s providing me a generous privacy and I’m—“

“You’re not being ungrateful.”

Eiji lifts his head with surprise. Yut-Lung is examining his nails. “I know what it feels like to live in an isolated golden pond. I know what wanting to talk to someone, _anyone_ feels like.”

Eiji absently pets Persephone, thinking about how he should reply. “Well,” he says in the end. “At least I have you and Sing. I’d probably lose my sanity if it weren’t for you two.”

An unreadable look settles in Yut-Lung’s dark eyes as he looks at Eiji sharply. “When you say that…” he says slowly. “You actually _mean_ it, don’t you?”

Eiji recoils. “Why would I say something I don’t mean? I don’t have to _act_ with you, after all.”

Yut-Lung doesn’t answer, but a dusty shade of pink spreads on his cheeks as he turns his head and takes another sip from his tea.

“I’m sorry for coming here unannounced, by the way,” Eiji says after a few minutes later. “I hope I didn’t cause you or your family any discomfort.”

“You’re fine,” Yut-Lung replies listlessly, sounding icy again for some reason. “The only family I have is my oldest brother and he’s bedridden. I highly doubt he cares.”

Eiji’s body turns into stone suddenly. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.”

There’s such a _pure_ hatred in Yut-Lung’s voice that Eiji doesn’t dare speaking another word. Luckily, Sing chooses that moment to show up and, to Eiji’s surprise, he makes a happy noise.

“Isn’t this the best girl in the world?” he coos and Eiji finally realizes he’s talking to Persephone. “Hi there, beautiful baby.”

He gently pats her head and causes her eyes to open again. Persephone lets out an even _louder_ meow when she sees Sing and quickly jumps from Eiji’s lap to rub herself around Sing.

Eiji subtly glances at Yut-Lung to see his reaction and sees him trying to suppress his smile and fail. Yut-Lung rolls his eyes at them. “Sit down and have a cup of tea with us.”

Sing looks like he’s going to accept before his phone suddenly rings. He takes a look at the screen and his face kind of hardens. “It’s Lao, I have to answer it,” He bends down to quickly scratch the cat behind her ears. “I’ll be right back, princess.”

Persephone looks almost offended as she looks after him for a couple of seconds, but then she makes her way back to Yut-Lung’s side.

Eiji frowns lightly. “Who’s Lao?”

“His older half-brother.” Yut-Lung says, his voice carrying a strong displeasure. He sighs deeply another moment later. “Anyway, back to the original matter… If you’re feeling lonely, then you should probably tell it to your husband. He may be not very fond of me but he’s not a thoughtless man. He’ll care.”

The words escape from Eiji’s mouth before he can stop them. “What happened between you and Ash?”

At that, Yut-Lung’s posture turns openly rigid. “Ask this to your husband if you’re so curious, little dove.”

* * *

“I’m ready.”

Eiji’s voice pulls Ash from his thoughts, lifting his head to look at him. Eiji fidgets a little under his stare.

“Is it okay?” he asks hesitantly. “I can change if you think I’m too underdressed…”

The words don’t even exist to explain how much Ash _hates_ this question, how much he hates the fact Eiji feels like he has to ask this. He doesn’t show it though, subtly takes a deep breath and tries to smile at Eiji, but he suspects it looks like a grimace more. “Nonsense. You look quite lovely.”

“Oh. Okay then.”

Ash isn’t even lying. Eiji looks indeed charming in his black pants and blue shirt. Ash knows tonight is not going to be a very formal dinner, they’re only doing it to introduce Eiji to some of Jim’s important friends. There’s no reason for him to wear an uncomfortable suit.

The last thing Ash wants is to put even more burden on Eiji’s shoulders.

The car ride passes in silence. Ash has to bite his lips a couple of times to stop himself from talking. Eiji must be already feeling nervous about tonight, he doesn’t need Ash’s meaningless chatter.

However, he gently catches Eiji’s elbow before they get out of the car. Eiji’s dark brown eyes turn on his face.

“If they ask you an uncomfortable question tonight… You don’t have to answer it.” Ash says decisively. “Just give a signal, squeeze my hand or whatever, and I’ll take it from there… We’re not going to stay after dinner anyway. I promise I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.”

Eiji looks at him for a long minute before he nods slowly and then he reaches to take Ash’s hand.

Ash ignores his internal shiver.

Eiji’s posture turns uncomfortable when they enter the house and it takes everything in Ash to not take him into his arms and run. They’re quickly accepted into the main dining room and five pairs of eyes immediately focus on them. Jim steps forward and gives them his best fake warm smile. “Tonight’s guests of honor. Welcome, my boys.”

The others take this as their cue to greet them and Eiji lets go of Ash’s hand to shake their hands.

Melanie, one of his father’s oldest friends, is the most open one about her curiosity regarding Eiji. “Young man,” she singsongs in an irritatingly sweet voice. “I have _so many_ questions for you!”

Eiji’s smile falters a little as Ash coldly looks at her. “I’m sure you have.”

“Let’s eat,” Jim demands.

It’s not as bad as Ash expected. Luckily, his father likes hearing his own voice as always and tells the _story_ on behalf of them for the most part. Ash is praying it’ll be an enough explanation while he eats his steak but of course, Melanie proves him wrong.

“Still… It’s such an interesting dynamic.” she says meaningfully, directly looking at Eiji. “You and Ash were in love for a long time and yet none of us recalls seeing you together before you suddenly decided to get married…”

Ash holds his breath.

Eiji doesn’t look like he’s in a hurry to answer her as he chews his broccoli. Ash subtly looks at him, waiting for his signal, for Eiji’s eyes are on the middle aged woman. “Cultural differences,” he says finally. “It wouldn’t be proper for me to appear in public with Ash. And I needed to turn at least twenty five if I wanted to marry him.”

Melanie’s mouth hangs open. It’s kind of obvious Eiji’s lying, but she’s in no position to point it out so she sourly continues eating her meal.

Ash has to suppress the sudden urge to laugh.

“I bet it was hard for you to do it alone, Jim,” Albert says gently. “If only dear Amity and Griffin were still alive…”

All the amusement he felt a second ago vanishes from his body and gets replaces by a hot fury.

Jim’s blue eyes turn convincingly melancholic. “There’s not a single day where I don’t miss my Amma and Griff,” he says hoarsely. “The world can be a very cruel place sometimes…”

Ash’s hand tightens around his wine glass and his grip is so tight that he thinks the glass can break, but he doesn’t care. He wants it to _break,_ so he can stab Jim in the throat with it.

Next to him, Eiji squirms a little but stays silent.

_You did this to mom,_ he wants to scream. _You made her kill herself. You’re the one who’s responsible for Griffin’s condition. You’re the one who’s hiding Griffin from the world even though he’s still alive._

“But you’re lucky you still have a perfect son like Ash,” Bernard says gruffly. “The boy works and works and works… Any abroad plans lately?”

“I can go to France soon,” Ash answers, not taking his eyes off Jim. His father only answers with a small, mocking smile.

However, Eiji’s head turns to him slowly and Ash feels a pang of guilt when he realizes he should have probably told it to Eiji first, in private, instead of in front of a bunch of strangers.

Thankfully, they don’t have to stay for long after that. Half an hour later, Jim leaves the room with Ash and Eiji to send them off while his guests stay inside the dining room.

“You did a good job tonight,” he speaks to Eiji, as if it’s important for Eiji to have his blessing. “I heard you’re also spending time with Mr. Yut-Lung Lee. I’ve been telling Ash to do it for years, it’s good to know at least you’re trying to strengthen our relationship with our most important partner.”

Ash’s brain just _freezes_ for a moment.

“You’re spending time with Yut-Lung?” he asks and absently notices the question came out more like a hiss.

Eiji’s lips are tightly pressed together and it’s clear how much he doesn’t want to stay in this house more than he has to. He just gives a curt nod.

Ash grits his teeth and turns to leave. “Thank you for tonight, father, we’ll see you around.” Eiji quickly follows him.

Ash is aware he’s probably holding the wheel in an unnecessarily tight grip but he can’t stop himself. There’s too much tension in his body from tonight’s events. His father’s faux sadness over his mom and Griffin, to find out Eiji’s on speaking terms with Yut-Lung…

Yut-Lung is just one of his open wounds.

Ash wonders if Yut-Lung really hates him right now, after everything that's been said and done. If he filled Eiji’s head with poisonous lies about him. If he still has even the smallest drop of fondness for their long gone friendship.

Eiji is the first one to break the silence and he sounds tense. “You didn’t tell me you were planning to go to France soon.”

Normally, Ash would immediately apologize since he’s already feeling guilty about this topic too. But right now, he feels absurdly paranoid and upset about Yut-Lung and Eiji’s apparent friendship. “And I don’t remember you mentioning your connection to Yut-Lung.”

“I’m sorry.” Eiji says icily. “I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to make friends either.”

This only fires Ash up even more. “I never said that. In fact, you’re even welcome to have a relationship with Yut-Lung if you two are so fond of each other. We both know ours is not a real marriage after all.”

Eiji’s stunned silence confirms Ash’s gone too far about this, but he can’t bring himself to apologize or take this words back.

“I will _never_ have an affair with someone else as long as I wear this ring,” Eiji says after a while, venom dripping from his voice. “But I guess the same can’t be said about you since you need to travel to France this often. You even left me here by myself while you were in France, instead of coming back to greet me.”

Ash’s face turns red as he yells. “I don’t have a lover in France!”

“I don’t care!” Eiji yells back. “I don’t expect loyalty from you! I don’t expect _anything_ from you.”

Hurt and anger fill Ash from head to toe and he tries to breathe normally despite the burden in his chest. For one crazy moment, he thinks about telling Eiji. Telling him about how his mother killed himself a month after her son’s “death”—

“Slow down.”

Telling him about how his brother took a bullet for their father, a bullet that was never meant for him—

“ _Ash._ Slow down!”

Telling him about Griffin—who once had so many talents and so many dreams, who was adored by everyone he met, who was supposed to take over their business instead of Ash— is barely responsive now and can’t even do most of the basic things without help. Telling him how all of this is Jim’s fault—

_“I SAID SLOW DOWN!”_

Ash hits the brakes so suddenly that the car _screams_. He didn’t even realize how fast he was driving until Eiji yelled. But he experiences the real shock when he turns right and sees Eiji’s face.

Eiji’s chest is heaving with rough breaths. Tears are streaming down from his face and there’s a pure look of _terror_ in his big dark eyes. Ash moves a shaking hand toward him. “Wh—“

Eiji unfastens his seatbelt and throws himself out of the car. Ash quickly follows him and watches in a frozen state as Eiji throws up his dinner at the corner of the road.

When he finishes, he collapses on the road and continues crying silently.

A desperate sound comes from Ash’s mouth as he approaches. “Eiji, I—“

“Don’t come near me!” Eiji screams in mad rage through his tears. “Call—call Sing!”

Ash’s whole body feels numb at this point but he somehow manages to pull his phone out and dial Sing’s number. Sing doesn’t ask any question —of course he doesn’t— and says he’ll be there as soon as possible. When he comes, however, his eyes go wide at the sight of Eiji and he hisses at Ash. “What the fuck did you do?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer before he quickly goes near Eiji and helps him stand up. Just as Sing’s about to gently lower him into the backseat, Eiji looks at Ash with teary eyes.

“You just made me relive the worst experience of my life.” he sobs, and his voice carries so much sadness and disappointment that Ash feels his knees shake violently.

It takes a lot of time before he’s able to move again.

* * *

“Here you go.”

Eiji straightens up in the bed and takes the mug from Sing’s hands in a shaky movement. Now that he’s inside a warm room again, his shiver has mostly stopped. He hopes the honey milk will also help.

He sends Sing a look under his eyelashes. “I bet you think I’m pathetic.” he murmurs.

“I don’t think such a thing.” Sing says firmly but gently. “However, I can still beat Ash if you want me to, even though I have no idea what happened.”

Eiji laughs a little but even to his own ears it sounds very weak. “You are an assistant, Sing, not a bodyguard.”

“I can multitask.” Sing flexes his muscles. “There are very few people whose asses I can't beat.”

Eiji’s laugh is a little stronger this time.

He doesn’t know when he fell asleep but when he wakes up again, he sees it’s past three in the morning. Grimacing in the dark, Eiji turns on the bedside lamb and slips his morning robe on him. He slowly walks towards the living room where he can see the light is coming, and stops hesitantly when he sees Ash is there.

It looks like he hasn’t slept at all, because he’s still wearing the clothes he did for the dinner tonight. He’s watching the fire with empty eyes as he sits on the chair like a floppy doll. But he must feel Eiji’s eyes on him because a moment later, he turns his head and quickly stands up when his eyes land on Eiji.

“Hi.” Eiji says, since he doesn’t know what else he can say.

“Hey,” Ash answers in a low voice, green eyes larger than usual. “Eiji, I… I can’t tell you how ashamed I am. I’m deeply sorry for earlier.”

Eiji looks at his feet. He doesn’t want to say _“It’s fine.”_ because it’s _not,_ he can still feel the scraps of fear, so he just says: “I understand.”

Ash stays silent for a long minute before speaking softly. “Can I show you something?”

Eiji lets out a deep breath. “Sure.”

Whatever Ash wants to show him is on the third floor, a place with full of rooms Eiji never set a foot before. Ash guides them to a room on the left side of the floor and slowly opens the room.

It’s a ballet studio.

It’s covered with mirrors and through them, Eiji can see his dumbstruck expression and Ash’s nervous one.

“I swear I’m not showing you this right now to make you forgive me,” Ash explains quickly. “I was already going to do this tonight after we came back from the dinner but then…” He clears his throat in shame. “Anyway. I know you used to be a ballet dancer. I never told you this but I even went to see you one time with my mom. You were magnificent… I know you don’t dance anymore but I thought it’d be good to have a little studio like this, you know, just in case you want to practice…”

Ash ends his speech in an almost hopeful tone but this quickly disappears when he lifts his head and sees Eiji’s crying quietly again.

“I’m sorry, Eiji,” Ash whispers tiredly. “It seems like I’m only making you unhappier with everything I do.”

His shoulders drop and he turns to leave but with a sudden boldness, Eiji catches his hand. “Stay.”

Ash tenses briefly before he relaxes again, and he doesn’t complain when Eiji gently lowers them on the floor.

Eiji takes a very deep breath. “Like you said, I used to be a ballet dancer. And I was quite _passionate_ about it too. I had a little studio like this in our home.” He smiles a little from the memories. “One day, late at night, I was practicing like usual. There was a specific movement I shouldn’t have tried because I wasn’t experienced enough. Still, I tried to do it and fell. _Hard._ As soon as I hit the floor, I knew I fucked my ankle bad.”

Ash startles a little when he hears the sudden swear from him. The bitter taste inside Eiji’s mouth intensifies as he talks. “It was very late so Misa was sleeping. Our neighbor agreed to watch Misa while my parents took me to the hospital. My mom sat in the backseat with me, caressing my hair as I cried from pain. My dad turned around look at us for just a simple _second_ and…” His vision turns blurry from the tears. “Apparently someone didn’t stop at the red lights…”

Ash’s green eyes are sorrowful. “Eiji…”

“For so many years I blamed myself for their deaths.” Eiji whispers in pain, causing Ash to hold his hand tighter. “Wished I also died with them… But I had a little sister I needed to take care of. She’s my whole world, Ash. She’s the only reason I agreed to do _this._ Otherwise my aunt was going to make her marry you when she turns eighteen.”

Ash looks like he’s going to be sick. “I… I didn’t know.”

“Of course you don’t, because you never talk to me,” Eiji accuses, all the hurt he’s been feeling coming to surface. “I know this isn’t what you wanted but I wish you didn’t ignore me like this…”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do!” Ash shakes his head roughly, looking weary. “Eiji, I… I feel so ashamed. My family already put you in a position you don’t want. So I’m just trying to give you as much freedom as I can. I don’t want you to feel like you have to _talk t_ o me—“

“But I want to,” Eiji insists firmly. “I’m grateful for your kindness but I feel so _lonely,_ Ash… I want us to be friends.” He slightly leans forward. “We can share a lifetime of silence together but that’s not what I want… Still, I won’t force you to become my friend if you don’t want it.”

Ash’s jade eyes look at him so intensely that Eiji holds his breath. Suddenly, strong arms embrace him in a warm hug and Eiji’s face leans against Ash’s chest.

“I’m sorry for everything,” Ash murmurs into his hair. “I swear I’ll try to be better from now on.”

The hug is certainly unexpected but Eiji finds himself quickly melting into Ash’s embrace, almost like his body was touch starved.

“I forgive you,” Eiji whispers. “ _Thank you.”_

He doesn’t know how long they sit on the floor of his new ballet studio. But the last thing Eiji recalls is strong arms carrying him to his bed before his mind drifts off to sleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can't lie, writing this chapter was an INTENSE experience. please let me know your thoughts!
> 
> **up next:** ash introduces eiji to his close friends and eiji reunites with someone he hasn't seen for years. :)
> 
> see you next time! ❤️


	5. you, me, against the windmills

The little ballet studio becomes a part of Eiji’s daily routine without really meaning to.

It’s not like Eiji didn’t intend to use the room. It was a pretty sweet gesture made by Ash after all and Eiji wanted to cherish it. It’s only because he has too many complicated feelings when it comes to ballet made it hard to approach the studio by himself at first. But once he did, Eiji found himself revisiting it often.

Sometimes, after he handles the tremendous amount of work he has (despite working all day), Ash kindly joins him and asks him if it’s okay to watch. Eiji agrees every time, not only because the room technically _belongs_ to Ash, but also because he finds himself dancing more freely under Ash’s soft gaze. He tries not to think too much about it.

Spending time on the third floor feels a little weird, Eiji can’t deny it. He’s never been there before he started using the ballet studio and he has to fight the shiver he feels everytime his eyes catch on the one of the many closed doors. Eiji doesn’t dare opening even one of them.

One day, he paces frantically inside the mansion, looking for his gloves. He’s promised Yut-Lung he will join him today at horse riding and he only has so much time before he and Sing need to leave. In a desperate attempt, Eiji quickly goes upstairs and sighs in annoyance when he indeed finds his gloves in the studio.

“Come on, self.” he murmurs as he slips the gloves on his hands.

Just as he’s about to head to the staircases, Eiji stops short when he notices one of the doors is slightly open. He hesitates for a long moment but in the end, his curiosity wins and he slowly steps inside.

It looks like an ordinary reading room. There’s a comfy looking chair inside the room and a mini-library (probably containing the favorite books of the person who regularly uses this room) but what really draws Eiji’s attention is the portrait hanged above the fireplace.

It’s the portrait of a blonde woman and her resemblance to Ash is so strong that Eiji feels a little dizzy. Her blonde locks fall into her shoulders freely as she faces the artist with a secretive look on her beautiful face. Her vibrant green eyes somehow make her look daring and sad at the same.

_This must be Ash’s mother,_ Eiji thinks dazedly. _Amma Callenreese._

The light cough he hears behind him makes Eiji jump. He meets Sing’s neutral gaze when he turns around.

“I’m sorry,” Eiji blurts dumbly. “I was just looking for my gloves and—“

There’s an unmistakable patience in Sing’s voice. “Why are you apologizing, sir? This is your house. You’re free to enter any room you wish.”

Eiji subtly takes a deep breath. “Right… Anyway, I guess we should leave. Yue is probably waiting for us…”

He’s determined to leave the room without any more distractions but he finds himself breaking this promise when another frame catches his eye. Eiji walks towards it to take a closer look and Sing timidly follows him.

It’s a photograph of two little boys. One of them has short blonde hair and he’s looking at the camera with a huge grin on his face as one of his arms is wrapped around the shoulders of the boy next to him. The other boy’s black hair is in a little ponytail, he looks kind of annoyed since both he and his friend are partly covered in mud, but he’s not successful at hiding the joy he’s obviously feeling, his arm also wrapped around his friend. Behind them, two women—one with golden hair and one with black hair—are watching the boys with happy little smiles on their faces.

Eiji doesn’t know how long he stares at the photograph but his eyes are full of sadness when he finally turns them to Sing. “What happened between them?” he asks quietly.

Sing doesn’t take his eyes off the photo when he answers but he sounds oddly defeated. “I’m sorry, Eiji. It’s really not my place to tell this.”

A part of him wants to insist but in the end, Eiji bows his head in acceptance. _One day,_ he thinks. _One day._

* * *

“Like I said… It’s just gonna be us and a bunch of close friends. You don’t need to fake an act tonight. I just want you to have a good night…”

Ever since Eiji agreed attending another dinner party with him, Ash has said this sentence so many times that he doesn’t know if he’s trying to convince himself or Eiji at this point. But Eiji’s comfort is Ash’s top priority, so he will repeat it no matter how many times he has to.

Next to him, Eiji makes a soft agreement noise, not taking his eyes off the road. Ever since that… _incident_ , Ash insists Eiji drives the car whenever they need to go somewhere and this seems to calm Eiji’s nerves. It’s the least Ash can do after he behaved like a total asshole that night.

“Can you tell me who’s gonna be there again?” Eiji asks almost shyly.

“Sure.” Ash quickly sits up more straight. “Shorter, my best friend, and his boyfriend Cain are our hosts. Max and Jessica are also attending. They were, um… Close friends of Griff. I still talk to them.” He swallows the lump at his throat with difficulty. “Max was talking about bringing a friend but I’m not exactly sure. Apart from them, Alex, Kong and Bones will probably be there too. Yeah, _obviously_ nicknames, don’t look at me like that…”

“Sounds cool.”

“I almost forgot,” Ash says suddenly, trying to show no emotion. “Sing will probably be there too, Shorter sees him as a little brother figure. And, maybe, Yut-Lung too.”

Eiji briefly turns to him and Ash sees surprise in his eyes. “Strange. Yue didn’t say anything about it…”

_Yue._ The familiar nickname he used to use for Yut-Lung brings a strange melancholy to Ash. “He probably won’t show up,” Ash explains calmly. “Shorter invites him to his parties all the time but I haven’t seen him attend to any of them.”

Eiji looks like he wants to say something but for some reason he keeps his mouth shut and just follows the GPS.

Eiji neatly parks the car when they finally arrive. He makes no move to get out of the car, so Ash patiently waits for him.

After a while, Eiji speaks in a low tone. “I’m nervous.”

Ash tries to be as gentle as possible. “May I ask why?”

Eiji lets out a shaky exhale, finally turning his deep brown eyes on him. “Ash, I’m aware I’m basically a nobody for you but… you said these people are important to you and I, um, want to leave a good impression on them. Pretty dumb, huh?”

There are _so many_ wrong things about his words that Ash blinks owlishly for a long minute. “Eiji,” he says firmly. “How can you say that? You’re _so much more_ than a nobody for me. For starters, you’re my husband,” Ash jokes and Eiji cracks a little smile at this. “But more importantly—no, _most_ importantly, you’re my friend. Please don’t ever think like this.”

Eiji’s hesitant eyes turns softer. “So… you will stay by my side tonight?”

Ash gathers his courage to take one of Eiji’s small and warm hands. “Of course I will, if that’s what you want.”

Eiji tightly grabs his hand back as if his life depends on it.

Shorter and Cain’s house look as elegant as ever under the many lamps hanging from the above. It was Cain who handled the house’s design but lamps were Shorter’s idea.

Eiji gives his hand one last squeeze before he pulls back and Ash smiles at him. “You ready?”

Eiji nods.

Ash knocks the door for exactly three seconds before Shorter widely opens it, making it quite obvious he was standing right behind the door. Ash secretly sends him a glare but Shorter’s eyes are on Eiji. At least he’s not wearing his stupid sunglasses tonight.

If Eiji is surprised by Shorter’s purple hair or his piercings, he’s very good at not showing this. He even embraces him back when Shorter enthusiastically pulls him into a hug.

It’s only been two minutes and Ash already has a headache.

“Man, it’s so nice to finally meet you!” Shorter says when he lets go. “We didn’t have the chance to meet at the wedding.”

Eiji winces a smile. “I apologize, my mistake. It was a rather busy day.”

Shorter briefly looks at him with an open mouth, and then turns his stare on Ash. “ _Wow._ He’s too polite for you.”

Ash’s face muscles twitch in annoyance but before he can fire back, a pair of strong arms catch Shorter from his waist and pulls him back.

“They literally just got here. _Behave._ ” Cain says gruffly while Shorter shamelessly leans against him. “Hey there, Ash. And welcome to our home, Eiji, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

Eiji smiles like an angel as he shakes Cain’s hand. “Thank you for having us tonight.”

Cain pauses for a moment before he meets Shorter’s knowing grin. “Fine, you had a point. He’s too nice for Ash.”

“ _Anyway,_ ” Ash hisses, totally ignoring how Eiji coughs to hide his amusement. “Stop being terrible hosts and let us in.”

The staff takes their coats as usual before Shorter and Cain lead them into the main dining room. Kong and Bones are as embarrassing as Ash feared but at least Alex manages to act polite. Sing gives them a little smile when he sees them.

Next to him, Eiji sighs a little. “I take it Yut-Lung chose not to come?”

Sing shakes his head before he goes to join Alex, Kong and Bones again. “He said he’s dealing with a headache.”

Shorter snorts quietly after him. “His royal highness never joins us for parties like this, Eiji. I suppose he sees us way below him.”

There’s a careful politeness in Eiji’s voice. “Or maybe he’s really dealing with a headache. He has migraine, you know.”

Ash sends Shorter a sharp warning glare but Shorter’s already looking at Eiji with a partly surprised and partly pitiful eyes. “Of course,” he easily brushes him off in the end. “I’m gonna check the kitchen to see how they’re doing. Excuse me…”

Eiji’s face falls as he watches him leave the room, turning to Cain with an anxious demeanour. “Hope I didn’t offend him…”

“You didn’t.” Ash says fiercely at the same time Cain shakes his head.

“Shorter loves making fun of Yut-Lung for _years_ even though they never had a fight or something.” Cain explains. “Guess the fact there could be a real problem with Yut-Lung never occurred to him until now. I bet he’s sending him a text now.” He looks judgemental but his voice sounds fond. “Big softie.”

“Oh. It’s good to know.”

“Where’s Jessica and Max anyway?” Ash asks loudly to change the subject. “They’re supposed to be here already. Unless Max did something incredibly stupid and got himself in trouble. As usual.”

“I heard that, you little fucker.”

Ash grins and turns towards to the noise.

Apart from the obvious “fake angry” look on his face, Max looks pretty much the same as always. His glare slowly disappears the more he looks at Ash and finally, a lazy grin appears on his face, revealing the laughing wrinkles around his eyes.

Over the years, Ash saw how Griffin’s absence caused Max to become weary, earlier than expected. He was there to witness how Max broke down in front of Griff’s tombstone numerous times, cursing him, begging him to come back. He was there, watching Max cry as his own tears were streaming down from his face, biting his tongue as he suppressed the desperate urge to tell Max that Griffin is still alive. Even if he’s a completely different person than who he used to be.

Ash blinks to clear his thoughts, lightly touching Eiji’s back. “Eiji, allow me to introduce you to Max.”

Max’s limpid blue eyes focus on Eiji for a moment. Then, he firmly shakes the hand Eiji extends. “Nice to meet you. Tell me, is Ash treating you well?”

Ash instinctively tenses but Eiji’s smile is soft. “Ash treats me very well,” Eiji says, and the warmness in his tone makes Ash shiver internally.

Max’s eyes turn soft as well. “That’s good to know.” He turns his stare back on Eiji after he sends Ash a side glance. This time, he almost looks apologetic. “Listen, I’m aware this will probably sound weird but… A friend of mine is here tonight and he wants to meet you… He says you two know each other.”

Eiji’s body freezes too suddenly and Ash tightens his grip on his waist before he even thinks about it, but judging from the way Eiji relaxes into his touch, Ash guesses it wasn’t such a bad idea.

A brief silence follows Max’s words. Even Cain raises a single eyebrow.

“It’s, um—“ Eiji murmurs. “Unexpected.”

“Max, I don’t remember you mentioning something like this.” Ash says, the warning tone in his voice not exactly subtle.

“I’m sorry,” Max is quick to say. “But he—he really wants to see you, Eiji.”

Eiji’s hesitation finally disappears as he steps forward. “Alright then.”

Ash looks after them for a minute, not knowing what he should do, before Cain gently nudges him. “Go.”

Ash takes a deep breath and nods, quickly following them. Eiji rightfully looks kind of anxious, but he still manages to give Ash a sweet smile.

The first thing Ash notices when they enter the room is the flames from fireplace, dancing on Jessica’s golden hair. When he averts his eyes from the captivating sight, he notices a foreign man is standing right next to Jess, nervously sipping his whiskey. But he quickly abandons it once he sees the people entered the room.

Ash looks at Eiji’s face again and sees there’s no recognition there, he looks just as lost as Ash feels. The man’s eyes, however, are filled with emotion as he looks at Eiji.

“Oh, Ei-chan,” he says with a hoarse voice. “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown up.”

Eiji’s eyes get impossibly wide as he starts to shake slightly. “Ibe-san,” he whispers. “ _Ibe-san._ It’s really you.”

And then he’s running towards the man with his tears already falling down. Ash can only watch in a surprised silence as they speak in hurried Japanese and hug like they haven’t seen each other in years.

“Who is he?” Ash asks in a murmur.

“Shunichi Ibe.” Jess answers in the same quiet tone. She links her and his husband’s arms together. “Max and I have known him since forever.”

“But how does he know Eiji...?”

“Well, kid,” Max says with an annoying wisdom. “You should ask it to your husband.”

After a minute or two, Eiji finally dries his damp eyes and smiles at Ash. “Ash, meet Ibe-san. He was one of my dad’s closest friends.”

_Ah._

Since it’s his first time meeting someone from Eiji’s inner circle, Ash feels oddly nervous. He subtly gulps down as he shakes Ibe’s hand. “Nice to meet you, sir.”

Max snorts loudly at this and Ash reminds himself to punch him later.

Ibe gives him a wincing smile. “Nice to meet you too but please, no need to be so formal.” He looks at Eiji again with sadness in his eyes. “Years ago, Eiji and Misa were no different than my own nephew and niece. I used to visit them all the time, stop by at Okumura household just to see them…” He takes a deep breath. “When Madam Hideko took them after the… accident, she didn’t let me see them again. Not even once.”

So they really haven’t seen each other for years. Ash feels a deep sadness settle on his chest.

“You can’t imagine the shock I felt when Max told me one of his friends got married to a man called _Eiji Okumura,_ ” Ibe continues with a light laugh. “To see you again after all these years… It’s truly a miracle.”

Eiji blinks quickly. “Ibe-san, please don’t make me really cry in front of everyone,” he jokes but Ash can hear the shakiness underneath his voice. His heart suddenly fills with a protection instinct. “I have so many things to ask you…”

“And you have so many things to tell me.” Ibe says gently. “But first, let’s not make our host wait anymore, it’s rude.”

“Oh good, ‘cause I’m starving.” Max whines, his stomach choosing that exact moment to rumble loudly. Jessica elbows him in the stomach while everyone else laughs.

The dinner is very pleasant, because it always is whenever Shorter’s in the charge. He accepts the praises like they’re his birthright, but the second Cain casually compliments the ducklings, the tips of Shorter’s ears turn red, making it super easy for Ash to tease him. Sing and Max seem like they’re having fun as they try a bunch of different food from the table and make guesses about the ingredients, mainly guessin wrong on purpose so they can piss Shorter off. Alex and Jessica look like they’re having a serious conversation about politics and Kong and Bones are… well, Kong and Bones.

Throughout the whole dinner, Eiji seems content with talking to Ibe (mostly in Japanese) and Ash is determined to not disturb them. But sometimes Eiji turns to him with a bright smile and includes Ash into their conversation and Ash is more than happy to join.

“I bet Misa would like Ash,” Ibe says at some point. “Remember how she used to love playing with her Ken dolls?”

Eiji sings a laugh. “Yeah, she still owns a real fancy doll house. I sometimes miss having tea parties in front of it.” He sighs lightly and sends Ash a coy look under his eyelashes. “I haven’t introduced Ash to Misa yet, actually, because I wasn’t sure if he’d want it…”

“Are you kidding?” Ash practically blurts. “Of course I want to meet your sister.”

“Oh.” A lovely shade of pink takes over Eiji’s cheeks. “Alright. I’ll—I’ll introduce you to her. Soon.”

Ibe looks at them with a knowing look on his face for a while (And Ash tries hard not to think about what _this_ means) before the subject changes again.

Eventually, the night comes to an end and Ibe gives Eiji his number, promising they’ll meet again soon. Shorter’s eyes shine with appreciation as Eiji very politely thanks him for tonight, but he chooses not to make any teasing comment as he lazily leans against Cain’s side, much to Ash’s relief. Eiji bids farewell to the others too, telling them how nice it was to finally meet them. Ash feels something akin to pride as he watches his close friends being charmed by Eiji’s usual loveliness.

Sing decides to drive them back since he didn’t touch a single drop of alcohol tonight. Ash and Eiji wait for him in the backseat as he goes inside to ask Shorter one last thing before they leave.

Inside of the car is dark, but Ash can still see Eiji closing his eyes as he leans backwards, probably feeling tired from tonight's event. He should leave him alone,he knows this, but there’s something gnawing his brain, and he won’t find peace until he asks.

“Eiji.” Ash says quietly. “Are you happy?”

It takes a long while before Eiji answers.

“Yeah, I guess I am. When I’m with you.”

Ash closes his eyes too.

_It’s enough,_ he thinks. _As long as he’s happy, it’s enough._

* * *

The nightmare doesn’t start like a nightmare.

In this dream, Ash is seven again. It’s a sunny spring day and he’s outside, cycling with Griffin. He knows his brother can go much faster if he wants but instead, Griff chooses to match his tempo to him and Ash is quite happy about it. They joke around and giggle as they ride their bicycles against the warm breeze.

When they arrive home, they find their mother in the garden, her straw hat creating little shadows on her face. Amma ruffles both of their hair but for some reason, Ash feels like her smile is more genuine when she looks at Griffin.

“Look at you two, all sweaty,” she scolds them lovingly. “Both of you, go take a shower. And Griff, come to garden after you finish, let’s have mint lemonades since the weather is so lovely today…”

Griffin hesitates as he glances at Ash but Ash speaks without waiting for his input. “What about me?”

Amma visibly winces. “Sweetheart, you know you have homework to do.”

Griffin looks restless. “Mom, I’m sure one hour won’t—“

“Enough. You know how your dad hates it when he’s behind.” Amma’s voice suddenly turns icy but she tenderly grasps Ash’s sweaty face between her palms anyway. “Aslan, you will do your homework, right baby? You won’t make mommy upset?”

_Maybe if I finish my homework quickly, she will let me join her and Griff…_ Ash nods with determination. “I will do my homework.”

A little smile appears on his mother’s face. “Good boy.”

The scene changes again.

Ash is eighteen, leaning against the handrail in terror as his father loudly bangs on his mother’s bathroom’s door. “AMITY!” Jim roars and the entire mansion echoes with his voice.

With a manic anger and panic, Jim breaks the door and nausea rolls in Ash’s insides as he looks at the overflowing water from the bathtub, blood dripping from Amma’s wrist to the floor—

Ash wakes up with a harsh gasp, his whole body shaking in cold sweat. He feels like someone is squeezing his lungs in a tight grip inside his body and it takes a while before he’s able to hear anything other than the ringing in his ears.

“…hear me? Ash, can you hear me?”

Green eyes meet the brown ones under the faint light coming from his desk lamp. Ash’s breathing turns even more irregular when he finally absorbs Eiji’s worried figure. “E—Ei—ji—“

“It’s okay.” Eiji says quickly. “It’s alright, it was a nightmare but I’m here now. Can you drink this water for me? I’ll help you.”

Still struggling to breathe, Ash momentarily panics about drinking water but then gentle hands grab his head to help him. Most of the water drips from Ash’s chin and lands on the quilt but Eiji still praises him.

“Well done, you did amazing,” he says affectionately, holding Ash’s freezing hand with his own warm hands. “Your heart is beating way too fast, Ash. Can I hold you?”

When Ash tiredly accepts, Eiji quickly gathers him into his arms and presses their chests together. “Let’s match our heartbeats together, okay? One, two, three, four… I’m on your side, you’re doing great…”

It takes a long while before Ash’s heartbeat finally returns normal, and even longer—probably hours— before his body regains sensation again. Eiji doesn’t leave his embrace even for a second, rubbing comforting circles around Ash’s back.

“Don’t leave me alone, Eiji.” Ash murmurs between his numb lips, not caring how pathetic he’s probably behaving right now.

But there’s no hesitation in Eiji’s movements. He gently pushes the quilt away and lies down on the bed, still embracing Ash. When Ash rests his head again on his chest to listen Eiji’s heartbeat, the last remaining terror slowly starts leaving his body.

“Don’t worry,” Eiji says softly. “I’ll stay with you as long as you need.”

Ash can’t be sure, but he almost feels a faint kiss landing on his hair before the sleep takes him into its arms again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, writing a semi-happy chapter for this fic was a weird experience. o.O
> 
> **up next:** finally, unlocking the Tragic Backstory of yut-lung. (including why he and ash fell apart.)
> 
> thank you so much for your support on the previous chapter and i hope you liked this one too. see you next time! 💖


	6. broken kind of paradise

The wind howls as it hits the giant windows of his office, and not for the first time today, Ash wishes he could be at home right now. With Eiji.

He lifts his head from the document he’s working on to rub his eyes. Technically, there’s not much left to do but the harsh wind outside somehow makes him feel impatient, restless, and he knows he’ll only start breathing with ease again once Eiji welcomes him with his usual warm smile.

Idly, Ash wonders if he even has the right to feel this way, mind going back to the conversation he and Eiji had a while ago. It was an uneventful evening where they were sitting in the living room after the dinner. Eiji was translating a book from English to Japanse and Ash offered to help. On one side of the couch, Ash slowly read sentences from the book and on the other side of the couch, Eiji copied the translated version to his laptop with a surprisingly fast pace, feet comfortably resting on Ash’s lap.

At one point, Eiji stopped typing. “Ash…”

“What is it? Do you want to me to read it again?”

“No, it’s fine…” He cleared his throat. “Ash, do you think we…”

Ash could see the hesitant look on his doe eyes, so he gently squeezed Eiji’s ankle. “Yes?”

“Do you think we’re playing your dad’s and my aunt’s game by acting like… _this_?” Eiji asked finally, sounding like a lost child. “Please don’t get me wrong, I like being close to you, but sometimes I feel like…”

His voice trailed off weakly. Ash had to take a deep breath before he answered.

“Are you happy?”

Some of the hesitancy disappeared from Eiji’s face as he smiled lightly. “You already know the answer of this.”

“Good.” Ash said firmly. “I’m also happy when I’m with you. And as long as we’re both happy, I don’t give a single damn about my father or your aunt.”

He wasn’t sure he said the right thing, but Eiji’s voice was gentle when he asked him to read another sentence a moment later.

Ash sighs as he gets up to stretch his body, taking a little walk inside his office. He was quiet confident when he reassured Eiji, but he doesn’t carry the same confidence at his side. Eiji’s presence is warm and shiny like a morning sun, his smiles always softer than the petals of a rose, his lithe body bringing the smell of lavender and honey with every little movement he makes, and Ash doesn’t know how much he’s allowed to be close to him, doesn’t know there the line starts and where it ends.

He only knows he’d rather shoot himself than to make Eiji uncomfortable.

Ash’s face heats up when he remembers how they share the same bed occasionally, like they did yesterday. Ever since Eiji calmed him down from that nightmare (which still brings a shame to Ash and leaves a foul taste in his mouth, no matter how much Eiji assures him), he sometimes stops by at Ash’s room and shyly asks Ash if he can talk to him until he gets sleepy. Ash never refuses. They have a chat in whispers under the silk covers, which eventually leads them to fall asleep. Eiji never leaves. In the morning, any awkwardness that lingers between them quickly disappears when they give each other soft good morning smiles. Ash discovers he starts the day with a much brighter mood whenever Eiji wakes up next to him.

He feels an almost laughable confusion over all of this. Ash knows, if their circumstances were normal, sharing the same bed with his “boyfriend” would be an important step in a relationship. But he has no idea about what sharing the same bed occasionally with your fake husband means.

Ash stirs from his thoughts as the door of his office opens without a knock, and shortly after that, Blanca walks in with his usual huge presence. Ash watches with unamused eyes as he pours himself a glass of whiskey.

“You could’ve at least knock.” he finally says.

“Pardon me, your grace.” Blanca says sarcastically, throwing a file in front of him.

Ash glares at him for some more before he opens the file. His eyebrows immediately wrinkle in a frown. “ _Again?_ Why do I have to run like an errand boy everytime _he_ needs something? We have many other employees.”

The tiredness of the entire week takes over Blanca’s face. “I don’t know, Ash. Maybe because you’re his only _heir?_ ”

Ash scoffs mockingly and pours himself a glass too, taking the seat in front of Blanca. “I hate having to do whatever he wants.” Acid drips from his voice. “I hate him.”

Blanca doesn’t bother giving an answer. They had this conversation way too many times.

“The least he could do was to tell me sooner.” Ash continues angrily. “Now I’ll tell Eiji—“

He snaps his mouth shut but Blanca’s already looking at him with a joyless smirk.

“Don’t worry, Ash.” His tone is mocking but Ash can hear the subtle bitterness underneath. “I’m sure staying away from your little husband for one weekend won’t kill either of you.”

Ash stares.

It took a _long_ while before Ash found out the exact reason why Blanca is always so… obedient about doing whatever the fuck Jim wants. The reason is Natasha.

Turns out, Natasha is the daughter of a fallen businessman, and ex-fiancé of a very dangerous mob boss. _I was hired to be her bodyguard,_ Blanca told him one night, drunk out of his mind but his eyes still shining with a strange gleam. _Seeing her unhappiness everyday was slowly killing me. In the end we… we eloped together._

Years and years after running away, living in constant fear and being in a half-starved condition, Jim Callenreese finally found them. In exchange for Blanca’s services; he gave them new identities, he placed Natasha in a comfortable and safe home, and Blanca never looked back after that day.

_“Sounds like you made a deal with the devil.”_ Ash had hissed mercilessly that night. “ _A devil who rarely lets you see Natasha. A devil who makes you do all of his dirty jobs.”_

_“That devil put a warm roof over my wife’s head.”_ Blanca had replied carelessly. _“I don’t care if the rest of the world is on fire.”_

Ash slowly takes a sip from his whiskey, leaning back and crossing his legs. “You don’t like Eiji.” he says calmly.

Blanca gives him an impish grin. “Doesn’t matter what I think about him. I’m merely a simple employee after all.”

Ash continues staring at him.

The other man finally sighs, twirling his glass slowly. “It’s not about liking him or not. I simply think he’s not fit for your world.”

“Good.” There’s an uncontrollable hardness in Ash’s voice. “I don’t want him to fit into _my_ world. In fact, I want to keep him away as much as possible.”

Blanca’s dark gray eyes focus on him. Ash can’t read the emotion in them. “Never thought I’d see you playing the concerned husband…”

Ash recoils defensively. “I’m not playing anything. Is it so hard to believe I only wish to keep him happy?”

“You do realize this isn’t a normal marriage, right?”

His words hit hard, harder than Ash expects. He blinks like a complete idiot as an unpleasant feeling settles in his bones. Blanca waits patiently.

“You’re the one to talk,” Ash says after a minute, his tone both mocking and insulting. “You sometimes beat people to death as a part of your job. How does Natasha feel about it?”

Blanca doesn’t even pause. “ _My wife_ knew what she was getting into when she married me. She was in love with me all these years ago and she’s still in love with me today. Can you say the same about you and Eiji?”

Ash suddenly gets angry. “Why are we even talking about this? Of course I know ours isn’t a normal marriage. Of course I know Eiji and I are not in love. What’s the point of this unnecessary conversation?”

Blanca sighs deeply as he leans forward. “Ash… You’ve been acting more eager to go home these past couple of weeks. You smile slightly whenever you mention Eiji. You even gave him a brand new ballet room, to an _ex ballet dancer_.”

“Wow, such scandalous actions,” Rage starts boiling in Ash’s blood. “Trying to get along with the person I had to marry.”

“Yes. You _had to._ You had no other choice and he didn’t have one either.” Blanca says in a surprising gentleness. “The circumstances that brought you together was totally obligatory. Now tell me, you really don’t think anything healthy can born from it, do you?”

Suddenly, the room feels quite suffocating, making Ash swallow his spit with difficulty. He wants to get up and leave, get up and never come back, but he can’t even move a finger right now.

“Look, I get it,” Blanca continues with another sigh. “He’s pretty, he’s kind and he has a gentle air around him. But in a situation like yours, it’s very easy to mistaken fondness for… a stronger emotion.” His eyes turn hard. “Whatever you want to think, I’m just saying these because I don’t want you to a make mistake that will only make you unhappy in the long shot. That’s why I’m warning you.”

Ash doesn’t know how long they stare at each other.

“Thank you for your valuable life lesson.” Ash says quietly in the end. “Now, if you excuse me, I wish to go home. It’s been a long day.”

“Of course.” Blanca says easily. “See you at the airport tomorrow.”

That evening, during dinner, Ash does his best to ignore Blanca’s words; but they keep coming back no matter how much he tries, turning the taste of his dinner into ashes inside his mouth. It doesn’t help that Eiji talks less than usual, looking like he’s ready to fall asleep any minute. When Ash asks, Eiji strangely blushes and keeps silent, but after a little gentle coaxing, he shyly admits he got carried away a little at ballet practice today.

Upon hearing this, the warmness Ash feels in his heart is almost familiar. But once again, it suddenly turns into ice as Blanca’s words echo in his ears.

As usual, Eiji makes himself tea after the dinner and settles in front of the TV to watch something, eyelids heavily dropping. At this rate, he’ll fall asleep in fifteen minutes. A large part of Ash hates to disturb him right now, but nevertheless, he clears his throat and Eiji’s deep brown eyes turn to him.

“I’ll be out of the country this weekend.” he says, almost apologetically.

Eiji blinks, looking much more awake as he straightens up. “Oh. France again?”

A cold tremor passes from Ash’s spine. “No, not France. Just some boring business stuff. Blanca will be with me too.”

“Oh.” Eiji repeats again, still looking a little lost. Then, he smiles a little. “Funny coincidence. Sing also took this weekend off since he has school related business to take care of… I guess it’ll be a quiet weekend.”

There’s zero reproach in his voice, zero malice, and that’s what makes Ash feel worse. He hesitantly sits down next to him. “Will you be alright?”

Eiji laughs quietly. “Yes, Ash, I’m not a child. I’ll be fine.”

Still, the thought of Eiji spending his weekend all alone—minus the staff that rarely speaks to him—in this mansion doesn’t sit right with Ash. He takes a deep breath before he opens his mouth. “Maybe you should invite Yut-Lung.”

An evident tension fills the room. Eiji’s lips part slightly.

“Or you can go to Lee mansion too,” Ash says when Eiji stays silent. “My point is, maybe you should spend the weekend with him. So you wouldn’t feel lonely.”

The words leave a bitter taste in his mouth, even though he really doesn’t want Eiji to feel alone.

“You…” Eiji murmurs. “You are okay with this?”

_No,_ Ash thinks. _Yes. I don’t know. Everything feels complicated when it comes to Yut-Lung._

“Well, you’re free to do whatever you want and I… like I said, I don’t want you to feel lonely.” Suddenly, he feels extremely overwhelmed and exhausted so he stands up. “I think I’m gonna sleep early tonight, it’s been a very draining day… See you in the morning, Eiji.”

Even though he looks taken aback, Eiji still gives him a final smile. “Sleep well, Ash.”

Only after he closes the door of his bedroom Ash realizes he’s destroyed the chance of Eiji sleeping by his side tonight with his last sentence.

* * *

Eiji doesn’t think about accepting Ash’s suggestion at first, because he knows no matter how much Ash respects his friendship with Yut-Lung, there’s still a silent feud between them and Eiji doesn’t want to seem like he’s taking advantage of Ash’s absence.

He spends the most of his Saturday with usual nonsense. The weather is still considerably cold, so he uses the indoor pool. He eats his breakfast much slower than usual. He calls Misa sooner and hangs up only an hour and half after. (Misa is sort of disappointed when Eiji tells her Ash is not here. Even though she was extremely distant and cold towards Ash at first, she’s warmed up to him a lot with time.) He even tries to converse with one of the kinder people in staff, but it doesn’t last long either.

When evening comes, Eiji begins to feel like how he felt during his first days here and it’s a scary feeling.

“A slumber party?” Yut-Lung’s lazy voice comes from the other side of the phone. “What are we, fourteen?”

Eiji completely ignores him as he adjusts the skew curtain in living room. “…And since I’m all by myself I thought it would be nice to have a companion. Would you like to come here? We can have a movie night…”

Yut-Lung is silent.

“Or I can come to your house too.” Eiji offers but then he quickly winces. “I mean, if you accept me, of course.”

“No, I…” Yut-Lung clears his throat. “Alright, I’ll come. But only because I’m bored.”

“Wear something comfortable.” Eiji says cheerily.

While he waits, Eiji makes quick preparations, similar to the things he did for the little parties he and Misa had while Aunt Hideko was away for business. He planned to greet Yut-Lung at the door but since the other didn’t notify his arrival, Eiji suddenly finds him standing in the doorway.

“What are you wearing?” Yut-Lung asks with a horrified face, looking at Eiji’s gray sweatpants and red hoodie like they personally offend him.

“Simple and comfortable clothes.” Eiji replies meaningfully. “Just like I told you to wear. What are _you_ wearing?”

Yut-Lung frowns a little, glancing down at his yellow _dragon_ engraved gown. “You really didn’t expect me to come here in PJs, did you?”

Eiji sighs lightly. “Did you at least bring PJs?”

“I’m not stupid, of course I did.”

“Then please put them on.”

Yut-Lung looks at him with annoyed eyes for a moment and then huffs. “Fine.”

Eiji feels briefly bewildered when Yut-Lung doesn’t ask for directions but he shrugs and continues arranging the pillows.

“Are you kidding me?” Yut-Lung says when he returns a few minutes later, eyes on the neat blanket fort Eiji’s just made.

He’s wearing a luxurious red dressing gown this time and Eiji notices he’s also untangled his braid, his hair now reaching to his waist in messy curls.

“Come on, I promise it’ll be fun.” Eiji smiles at him as he pats the spot next to him.

Yut-Lung rolls his eyes but he sits down anyway. A moment later, Eiji fills a little teacup and puts it in front of him.

“Oh wow, guess we’re really fourteen.” Yut-Lung deadpans.

Eiji hides his smile behind his teacup.

Yut-Lung takes a sip from his cup and immediately, his eyes widen. “This isn’t tea.” he says. “Did… did you really put alcohol in the teapot?”

“ _Yes!_ ” Eiji vibrates in his place with giggles. “I know it’s very silly but I’ve always wanted to do this. And since the only slumber parties I’ve ever had were with my sister and Misa is practically a baby… Whatever. Humor me.”

Yut-Lung looks at him with big eyes for a while before he huffs a laugh. “Fine.” He stares at his lap. “Well, this is the first time someone invited me to a slumber party so I guess I’ll just ignore your weirdness.”

He cautiously lifts his head, like he’s expecting to see pity or sympathy on Eiji’s face, but Eiji just smiles and lifts the DVD to show its cover. “Movie time. How does _Howl’s Moving Castle_ sound?”

“So you have taste, after all.” Yut-Lung sounds strangely impressed.

They settle nicely inside the blanket fort and watch the movie. Yut-Lung doesn’t object whenever Eiji refills his empty cup and it’s not a strong alcohol anyway—Eiji’s stomach can't handle those. Eiji openly sobs during sad scenes while Yut-Lung stubbornly lifts his head to stop the tears.

When the movies eventually finishes, Yut-Lung spreads himself on pillows and looks at the wired lights hanging from the above, voice slurring from tipsiness. “What do I have to do to have my own Howl?”

“Get cursed by an evil witch, obviously.” Eiji answers in a serious tone.

Yut-Lung laughs loudly at this, even though it wasn’t that funny. He sighs quietly after a while. “It’s been so many years since I last been in this room… Feels weird.”

Eiji blinks, suddenly feeling as if someone hit his face with cold water. He chooses his next words carefully because he _won’t_ force Yut-Lung into talking, even though he’s burning with curiosity. “Did you use to come here often?”

Yut-Lung looks at him. Eiji’s not sure what kind of an expression he has on his face or what Yut-Lung sees in his eyes, but something about it makes him speak. “Yes.”

He brings himself to a more comfortable situation before he continues. “My… my mother was my father’s second wife. He already had five sons when he married her and she… she was twenty eight years old younger than him. She was twenty five when they got married. And just like yours, hers was an arranged marriage too.”

A sudden shiver covers Eiji from head to toe. Yut-Lung seems lost in memories.

“She was unhappy. I remember how she used to try making herself appear smaller than she already was to be invisible under the hateful stares of my brothers… I remember how she used to whisper into my ear every night before I fall asleep: _You’re my world, you’re my world, you’re my whole world._ ”

Flower shaped lighting reverberates on Yut-Lung’s hair when he turns his head. “This place… This place was like our safe haven. No matter what happened in the house, we could always come here and mom would drink tea with Aunt Amma while I played some silly game with Ash or watched TV.” He draws in a shaky breath. “Those days, Ash was my only true brother. The one I really loved. Different from the real ones who pulled my hair roughly and called me bad names.”

Eiji feels speechless but it looks like Yut-Lung isn’t waiting for an answer anyway. Eiji can see his mind is so far away at the moment.

“When I was twelve…” Yut-Lung’s voice almost comes out like a whisper now. “My father’s health got incredibly worse, to a deadly degree even. He was at Hong Kong for some business deal and rather than coming here, he ordered all of his family to come to Hong Kong. Apparently, his body couldn’t handle the plane ride and he wanted to see his family one last time to say goodbye. And to announce his will.”

Yut-Lung suddenly turns his eyes to him and Eiji’s shocked to see the haunted look in those eyes. “I don’t know what exactly my mother heard,” he whispers. “I don’t know what she learnt. But the day before we were supposed to leave, she gave a weird smelling tea and told me to drink all of it. It tasted bad, so bad but I did as she asked anyway…” Yut-Lung shivers. “And the next day I was burning in flames, too weak to stand up, crying from the pain… My brothers didn’t want to deal with me and left me at home. Even though I was delirious from the sickness, I still remember my mother’s last words…”

Yut-Lung raises a pale hand and lightly touches Eiji’s face, his ice cold fingers burning Eiji’s sking. “She said: _Don’t worry my little moonlight. Mommy will make sure you have a beautiful future. She will make sure no harm comes to you._ ”

“What… what happened after that?” Eiji asks with a shaky whisper.

Yut-Lung looks completely drawn. “Three days after they left, a man came to the mansion at midnight with a face whiter than snow and told me my whole family was dead. Caused by a bomb.”

The nausea he feels is so sudden that Eiji’s sure he’ll throw up. “Was it… was it your…”

“My mom, yes.” Yut-Lung’s voice is expressionless. “There’s no reason why my brothers would do something like this. They were going there to take over my dad’s empire. But I guess my mom found out what they were planning about me and her and… decided she had no other choice.”

Suddenly, Yut-Lung’s eyes turn into two dark bottomless pits. “Wang-Lung survived.” he spits. “He became bedridden but he survived. And made sure to turn my life into hell. He forbad me from going to school and having friends. He hired a lawyer army and as a result, banned me from touching the money my dad left me until Wang-Lung dies. He hid his wife and two children in a country I don’t know so I couldn’t hurt them.” His hand curls into a tight fist. “He’s getting worse and worse but some days… I just imagine slipping into his room and stabbing him… over and over again…”

Eiji reaches and hesitantly runs a hand through Yut-Lung’s silky hair. Immediately, Yut-Lung sinks into the touch like he has no strength left to fight and closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again, they shine with tears and Eiji’s heart shatters.

“I started avoiding Ash after my mom’s death because it hurt _too much._ ” he admits as he cries silently. “Both the memories and the fact… he still had a family while I was all alone. I became angrier, snappier, _toxic._ I turned him down whenever he wanted to hang out and in the end, he gave up on me. Someone like Ash always had people around him wanting to be his friend so I guess I kinda expected that.” Yut-Lung takes a deep breath. “I think a part of him always thought I’d eventually stop being so hostile towards him and we could be friends again but I… I couldn’t… Until five years ago.”

Eiji holds his breath as Yut-Lung’s tears drip to his chin. “It was Aunt Amma’s funeral. She was buried next to Griffin. There were so many people, so many… Ash remained motionless through the whole funeral, even after the funeral ended and it started to rain heavily. I don’t know what came over me but I slowly walked over to him and _hugged_ him. Tightly. Like I was going to break his bones.”

“You should have seen the furious look in his eyes when he pushed me.” Yut-Lung whispers. “I honestly thought he was going to kill me… He grabbed me by my shoulders, shook me and yelled: _Are you finally happy? Satisfied? This is what you wanted, isn’t it?_ ”

Eiji’s already shaking but he startles badly when Yut-Lung starts crying violently. “And the worst part is—the _worst_ part—I was _happy._ He was dealing with the loss of his mom and brother and for a moment I just thought ‘ _It’s over. We can go back to how we were before. We can be best friends again.'_ I mean who the fuck thinks that? There’s obviously something wrong with me Eiji, I can’t be a human.”

Eiji gathers him into his arms and pats his back as Yut-Lung cries and cries and _cries. You’re wrong,_ he wants to tell him. _You’re so painfully human._ But he’s barely holding his tears back and knows he’ll break down if he opens his mouth.

“I sometimes fantasize about running away, leaving all of this behind,” Yut-Lung muses once he calms down a little. “But I know I can’t. I have no education, I have no idea how I can make a living, I have no one… But most importantly, my mother died so I wouldn’t lose what’s rightfully mine. I can’t waste her sacrifice. I know Wang-Lung will never let me have the money if I leave.”

“Your mother wanted you to have a beautiful future, Yue,” Eiji sighs sadly. “I’m sure she would want you to be happy.”

Yut-Lung doesn’t answer but his hands grip Eiji’s back tighter. “Eiji…” he whispers. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For staying with me,” Yut-Lung’s voice sounds tired and sleepy. “Everyone I met eventually left me… Even Sing. But not you.” His head falls on Eiji’s shoulder. “I guess you’re the bright spot of my life.”

One, two, three heartbeats later he falls asleep, and leaves Eiji alone with his chaotic thoughts.

* * *

The hour is nearing towards ten p.m. when Ash’s phone suddenly rings, making him frown as he closes the book he's reading and picks his phone up. His heart immediately jumps to his throat when he sees it’s Eiji and he takes a couple of breaths before he answers.

“Hey,” Ash says lightly. “Isn’t it very late there?”

There’s a brief silence. “I’m sorry, did I disturb you?”

“No!” Ash internally cringes at his unnecessarily loud tone. “No, um, it’s okay… So what did you do today? Did you invite Yut-Lung?”

He hears the rustle of the sheets and tries not to imagine Eiji next to him. “Yeah, he’s sleeping in my room now.”

The sourness he feels is sharp and it makes Ash incredibly dizzy. He opens and closes his mouth but no sound comes out.

“So naturally I had to take your bed. Hope that’s okay.”

Relief spreads inside Ash’s veins, even though he has no right to feel this way. “Of course it’s okay. So why are you still up?”

“I don’t know.” Eiji sounds adorably confused. “I thought this bed was comfier…”

“Wait.” Ash says anxiously. “Is your bed uncomfortable? Why didn’t you say something? I can arrange someone to buy you a new one immediately.”

“No, no, it's not that.” Eiji quickly assures. “My bed is fine. This bed is fine too. I guess I just sleep better next to you.”

Ash sucks in a breath.

“I’m sorry.” Eiji repeats again, and this time he sounds both so sleepy and timid. “Is that a weird thing to say?”

_You really don’t think anything healthy can born from it, do you?_

_Fuck it,_ Ash thinks sharply because he feels too drained to think about it right now. He lays down completely and smiles against the phone.

“Not at all.” he says gently. “Do you wanna talk about bunch of random nonsense until we fall asleep?”

Eiji’s voice is a sweet sigh. “Yes. Yes please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOY this chapter was such a pain to write. phew. i'd really like to read your thoughts. 💖
> 
> **up next:** a party and then some drama...


	7. every contact leaves a trace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again angels. ❤️ i'm really sorry about not updating in a while. you may already know these if you follow me on twitter but my wifi was broken for a while, and then i went to visit my best friend for a week and i'm also slowly getting used to my antidepressant. (also i'm just feeling down a lot these days for literally no reason.) so yeah, life really has been... something lately lol.
> 
> anyways, i really hope you like this chapter! 💖
> 
> **warning:** mildy graphic suicide mention

"Would you like to have another glass, sir?" a waiter asks politely.

_Sure,_ Yut-Lung thinks distantly. _Sure, why not?_

He feels like he’s looking at the scene behind a thick fog as the room swarms with meaningless chatter. His eyes take a glance around him: glamorous gowns, stylish but boring suits, expensive watches, shiny glasses… Yut-Lung barely suppresses the urge to sigh as he accepts the champagne without looking at the waiter’s face.

He suddenly feels someone’s gaze on him and slightly turns to the left, involuntarily meeting Tony Bonomo’s greedy eyes. The man licks his lips and lifts his glass towards him with a slimy smirk, but since Yut-Lung’s own eyes are cold enough to freeze the hell, his posture soon turns fidgety. Bonomo’s wife also turns a moment later and subtly pinches her husband, causing him to avert his eyes. She sends Yut-Lung a hateful glare, as if _he is_ the reason she has a disgusting husband.

_I hate all of you,_ Yut-Lung thinks sweetly. _I wouldn’t feel even a single drop of sadness if all of you disappeared completely._

He lifts his glass but before he can take a sip, a big hand gently but firmly catches his wrist. “I think that’s enough for tonight.”

Ah, _that voice._

Sing looks good in his dark blue suit, good and powerful. His black hair is slicked back and he’s staring down at Yut-Lung with a determined gaze. Not for the first time, Yut-Lung curses his traitorous heartbeats for picking up under Sing’s broad presence.

As if Sing actually didn’t let him down without any warning. As if Sing actually cares about him.

“There you are,” Yut-Lung coos with a fake sweetness. “I was worried my babysitter wouldn’t show up to scold me tonight.”

Sing doesn’t waver. “Am I not allowed to be concerned for you?”

A sudden shiver gently runs its hand through his back. _Lies._ Yut-Lung feels a brief sting behind his eyes. _Sweet but poisonous lies._

“Since when do you ask permission from me?” Yut-Lung asks harshly. “I lost all of my authority on you the minute you decided to get rid of me by asking for another job, remember?”

Sing suddenly looks like he’s been slapped. He opens his mouth. “Mooncake, I—“

“ _Don’t.”_ Yut-Lung hisses, hand clenching tightly around his glass, heart aching with an obscure pain. “ _Do not_ call me that. Not anymore.”

Sing stays silent for a long, painful moment. “Forgive me, Mr. Lee,” he finally says, and Yut-Lung hates his monotone voice with all of his being. “I’ve taken your time. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.”

He walks off without sparing Yut-Lung another look, leaving him alone near the buffet. Yut-Lung stands there for a while before he sets his glass on the table with shaking hands and quickly makes his way to the balcony, eager for some fresh air.

Outside of his control, his mind floats into the memories again. The first time he met Sing. How he treated him with all the sourness and anger in the world, yet how Sing always saw his façade right away. How he slowly but eventually warmed up to have Sing’s company, how he actually enjoyed spending time with Sing, how he began feeling _something_ for Sing, how Sing left him before Yut-Lung could figure out what this feeling was.

Yut-Lung remembers one specific afternoon when he tried to show Sing how to draw a flower. One of Sing’s big hands was closed on top of Yut-Lung’s hand, and he was grumbling about how hard it was. Yut-Lung was giggling quietly as his long hair tickled Sing’s chin. To this day, it remains as one of best memories he’s ever had.

_Fool,_ Yut-Lung thinks with pain. _Everything could have been very different. You fool._

His eyes burn with unshed tears again but Yut-Lung refuses to cry. Not here. Not now.

A quiet sigh distracts him from his thoughts, and his eyes fall on a familiar figure in the balcony.

Eiji somehow looks smaller than usual tonight as his eyes impassively watch the scenery beneath him, his arms crossed like it can shield him from the evening breeze. Without even knowing, Yut-Lung’s already heading towards his way. “Little dove.”

Eiji jumps slightly and Yut-Lung watches in amazement as his face lights up with a small but _real_ smile, strikingly different from the ones he saw this whole evening.

Not for the first time, or second, or third, Yut-Lung wonders why he allows Eiji to see the true version of himself; or why Eiji continues treating him like he’s a dear friend even though he know his husband hates Yut-Lung’s guts.

Whatever the reason is, Yut-Lung doesn’t want to lose Eiji’s friendship. At least he can freely admit it inside his own head.

“Yue, good evening,” Eiji says, polite and proper as usual. “I didn’t know you were going to be there.”

“I wasn’t going to, if I could help it.” Yut-Lung replies in a bored manner. “But you know how I always end up having to attend these things because of my useless brother.”

Eiji flinches a little and Yut-Lung takes a deep breath before he lets it out. “What are you doing here anyway?”

Eiji’s smile looks dim this time. “Playing the obedient little husband, of course.”

“I meant _here,_ ” Yut-Lung insists. “In the balcony. Away from Ash.”

His friend is silent for a moment. “I just needed a small breather.”

Something in his tone gives Yut-Lung a pause as he turns to _really_ look at Eiji’s face, noticing how paler he looks than usual.

“I’m fine.” Eiji whispers when he notices Yut-Lung’s concern, squirming under his intense gaze. “I’m just— I’m so tired, Yue.”

_Oh._

“This—this is the third time this week we attend an important event like this one.” Eiji continues shakily. “And, I guess, it’s—too much? Is it normal for me to feel this drained already?” Dark brown eyes widen anxiously. “What am I supposed to do? Yue, what do I do?”

“You endure, little dove.” he answers quietly.

Yut-Lung’s heart aches in a completely different way the more he looks at Eiji. He likes to think he knows Eiji better now, ever since this weird friendship blossomed between them, and he knows how dutiful the man is. To his credit, he plays the trophy husband role good enough for Callenreese family but Yut-Lung also knew Eiji wouldn’t be able to carry out this act for too long. He knew it from the first day he visited him in the mansion and took a look at Eiji’s cold but open demeanor.

But it still breaks his heart to see him this way. It feels too familiar.

Eiji’s sounds miserable. “Yes, but for how long?”

Light footsteps approach them in that moment and every single drop of ease and warmness in Yut-Lung’s body vanishes, leaving its place to a cold anger. Ash merely throws him a glance before he turns all of his attention to Eiji. “There you are.”

“I’m sorry,” Eiji says immediately and Yut-Lung watches carefully as Ash _winces._ “I just needed some fresh air… I hope I didn’t put you in a difficult position?”

“Of course not,” Ash says, sounding painful for some reason. He grimaces a little. “But, um… Mr. Watson was asking about you…”

Yut-Lung rolls his eyes. Of course that old annoying man would want to bore Eiji with his long stories.

Eiji sighs lightly. “Very well.” He glances at Yut-Lung. “Are you coming with us?”

Ash tenses too suddenly and just for that, Yut-Lung follows them inside after staring back at Ash’s harsh green eyes. _You wanted this, Aslan,_ he thinks bitterly as he takes a seat on the crowded table and determinedly ignores Sing’s eyes on him.

The conversation is as bothersome as Yut-Lung predicted, and he has to suppress the urge to yawn every five seconds. Eiji’s listening their business stories with a polite enough smile on his face, even though it is the most boring topic in the world.

“You must be very bored right now, Mr. Callenreese,” someone says suddenly but there’s no sympathy in that voice, instead it’s full of mockery. “I don’t suppose your husband shares these with you since you have no qualification in this field, am I wrong?”

_Frederick Arthur,_ Yut-Lung thinks exhaustedly. _This man has always reminded me of a slimy and annoying bug._

Ash’s face turns red in fury but Eiji’s quicker. He gently puts his hand on the top of Ash’s hand and folds their hands together.

Eiji’s voice is made of cotton candy. “My husband and I converse about many topics, Mr. Arthur. You don’t have to worry about it.”

Ash blinks a couple of times as he looks at their combined hands while Arthur’s face creases in an ugly expression. For some reason, an unpleasant feeling turns Yut-Lung’s stomach sour the more he looks at Ash and Eiji, so he turns his head away.

_What a long night. Dear lord, what a long night. Let it be over already._

* * *

On their way back to home, Eiji can feel Ash’s eyes on him during the whole car ride, but he purposely doesn’t meet them.

His eyes sting slightly, an unpleasant treat he has whenever he feels too emotionally drained. The thought of crying in front of Ash again is horrifying, he doesn’t want Ash to see him as some sort of petulant child, so he rests his head against the window until they reach the mansion.

Eiji continues staying silent when they walk inside and Ash chooses not to break the silence for some reason. The staff must understand their low mode because they don’t ask the usual, polite and meaningless questions about how their night went. Eiji hardly looks at their face before he climbs the stairs.

Ash’s footsteps aren’t loud at all, yet Eiji senses his presence anyway. He’s thinking about what he should say when he suddenly feels a gentle hand on his cheek, making him startle.

His husband’s touch is unexpected but not unwelcomed. God knows it isn’t.

“You look pale.” Ash murmurs, his simple three words carrying so much concern and tenderness.

Eiji forces himself to smile, although it’s quite weak. “I’m tired,” he confesses. “It was a very busy week.”

“But it’s over.” Ash says quickly. “We have no more invitations to attend. We can have a relaxing weekend.”

Eiji know his words are meant to be comforting, but that doesn’t stop a strange lump from settling on his throat. He nods, not trusting his voice, and slowly takes off his heavy wedding ring from his finger, putting it on the nightstand.

When he lifts his head, he sees Ash watching the movement with a strange look on his face.

“If it’s okay with you too,” Eiji speaks in a low tone, hoping Ash wouldn’t notice the slight shaking in his voice. “I want to fill the tub and have a relaxing bath before I go to sleep.”

He doesn’t know if he imagined it or not, but it’s almost like a ghost passed from Ash’s face. He looks paler than usual all of sudden. “You… bathtub…”

“Am I not allowed?” Eiji asks in concern. “Because it’s okay if—“

“No, it’s not like that,” Ash takes a deep breath before he shakes his head like he wants to clear his thoughts.“Of course. Can I wait for you here?”

“I was gonna ask you to sleep with me tonight anyway.” Eiji says without thinking and his face bursts in flames when realizes what he’s just said. He turns and leaves without glancing at Ash again, letting out a long breath the moment bathroom door closes after him.

Now that he’s alone, exhaustion crawls back into Eiji’s skin. The huge bathtub slowly fills with water as Eiji undresses in unhurried movements. He hesitates for a moment, and then opens one of the cabinets and pours lilac essential to water.

The moment he sinks inside the tub, tears start flowing from his eyes.

He’s drowning, he’s drowning, he’s _drowning._

Eiji always thought it would at least take a couple of years before he reached to that point where he can’t stand any of this… this glowing and overwhelming and faux world. He didn’t think he would find himself silently crying in a bathtub only months after his wedding, all because of an intense week.

_Maybe it’s only because I haven’t gotten used to it yet,_ he thinks, but it only makes him cry harder in desperation. For the millionth time maybe, he realizes how alone he is. The only real family he has is in the other side of the world. Ash is a kind man, kinder than Eiji could ever hope for, but he didn’t marry Eiji out of love, a hard fact that only makes Eiji feel colder and lonelier.

He sighs as he sinks deeper into the water. _How easy the life was back then,_ he thinks wistfully, a small smile appearing on his face. His memories in Izumo, before he and Misa were forced to permanently move to Tokyo, was something Eiji always remembered with fondness and pain. He closes his eyes and thinks back to one of their many sunny mornings on the beach, where father was reading a story to Misa under the beach umbrella while he and mother were lazily swimming on the sea.

The memory of Miyako’s teasing smile is still vivid under his eyelids. _I bet you can’t hold your breath longer than me, bunny._

_I’ll show you mom!_

Eiji slowly sinks fully under the water, holding his breath. _One, two, three…_

Under the sea was surprisingly clean, allowing him to see the seaweeds and excited little fishes. His mom was making funny expressions with her eyes to make him laugh.

_Sixty, sixty one, sixty two…_

When he finally gave up and laughed, Miyako was there to hug him as he laughed between ragged breaths, rubbing his back affectionately.

_One hundred eighteen, one hundred nineteen, one hundred twenty…_

If he _really_ tries, he can still feel her gentle kiss on his forehead and—

Suddenly, a pair of hands roughly pulls him out of the water.

It’s so unexpected that he loses his control and the water immediately fills into his lungs, making him choke violently as he struggles to breathe. Ash’s hands are on his back, but they’re nowhere near gentle like his mother’s, instead _patting_ Eiji frantically, urging him to spit the water he swallowed.

“ _Breathe._ ” Ash roars like a crazy man, gripping Eiji’s face between his palms. _His eyes almost look black,_ Eiji thinks numbly. “Be honest with me, did you take any pills? _Tell me._ ”

“ _No,_ ” Eiji rasps with difficulty, body still heaving with coughs as he spits the remaining water. He doesn’t know how much time passes before he slumps in exhaustion. Eiji cautiously lifts his head to look at Ash and  _freezes._

Ash is crying.

And it’s not even a silent, subtle crying. His whole body is wrecking with sobs.

Eiji can’t remember the last time he felt this helpless, and this says a lot considering his life.

“Why would you—“ Ash chokes, more and more tears coming every second. He palms Eiji’s face again. “I know you are unhappy but _please_ Eiji, don’t do this. I don’t know how yet but I will find a way to free you if I have to, fuck the consequences. Just please don’t do this.”

Eiji’s so frozen that he feels as if he’s turned into a stone. He barely notices when Ash pulls him out of the tub and wraps him into a too big bathrobe, placing him on the bed, holding him tightly and just _crying._

An eternity passes before Eiji finds his voice again. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”

Ash doesn’t answer, just holds him tighter.

A sudden anger flares in Eiji’s veins and he pushes Ash back, forcing him to look at his eyes. “ _I wasn’t._ I won’t commit suicide when my sister still needs me.”

Ash stares hard and deep into his eyes for long minutes. When he finally realizes Eiji’s telling the truth, he sags like a lifeless doll and buries his head to Eiji’s stomach, still crying.

“I’m sorry for scaring you.” Eiji whispers shakily, carding his hand through Ash’s golden hair.

They stay like that for a long time, so long that Eiji’s hair is mostly dry by the time Ash lifts his head. He doesn’t look at Eiji when he speaks, jade green eyes impassively watching the ceiling.

“My mother killed herself in a bathtub.”

Eiji’s eyes widen in terror.

“That’s why I never use the bathroom on the east wing, in case you were wondering,” Ash’s voice is disturbingly emotionless. “It was a month after Griffin’s death. She told us she was going to take a bath and that she didn’t want to be disturbed.”

His heart is beating so wildly that it’s a miracle he can hear Ash’s voice.

“My father told everyone she accidently took the wrong pills but deep down, everybody knows the truth. Her blood was dripping to the floor when my father and I found her.”

A noise escapes from Eiji’s mouth before he can stop it. Ash suddenly turns and pulls Eiji to his chest.

“And when you said you wanted to fill the tub.” Ash says between tears. “I…I swear I was gonna give you privacy but I couldn’t wait more and when I saw you like this—“

“ _I’m sorry._ ” Eiji whimpers in pain, hiding himself in Ash’s embrace. “I swear, I didn’t—“

“Your sister isn’t the only one who needs you, Eiji. I don’t know if I can live if I lose you this way.”

Eiji’s mind fills with the memory of his first weeks here, that time when he was on the balcony and if Sing didn't find him—

He shakes his head roughly and pulls back, wiping Ash’s tears away. “I won’t do that to you.” he whispers. “I swear, Ash. I won’t.”

Relief blooms on Ash’s beautiful face and he catches Eiji’s hand, kissing even his fingertips. He hesitates about something Eiji isn’t sure, but then he determinedly places Eiji’s hand on top of his heart. “I love you.”

Eiji’s own heart stops.

“I wish I was brave enough to tell you this sooner.” Ash’s green eyes stare into his soul. “I don’t know how hearing this makes you feel in our fucked up situation but _I love you_ , Eiji. I’ve never been more sure about anything. I love every single thing about you; from your starlit smile and soft black hair to your big beautiful eyes and warm personality.”

Eiji doesn’t know when he started crying. “You do?”

“I do. With my entire heart.”

There’s so much Eiji wants to tell him. Like how Ash is the sun of his life, like how he looks forward to see him at the end of every day, like how he feels the safest when he’s between his arms. Like how he madly loves Ash back.

There’s so much he wants to say and yet no word comes of his mouth but Ash doesn’t look like he’s waiting for a verbal response. When Eiji throws himself to him, Ash just holds, and holds, and holds him.

Their kisses taste like tears and lilac and honey. It’s the best feeling in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **up next:** Too Many Things will happen pheww


	8. aut caesar aut nihil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii this chapter contains so many scenes i planned before i started writing satin birds so i'm very excited! i hope you like it. 💖
> 
> **warning:** mild nsfw scene

Weeks chase each other in an unhurried pattern and the weather becomes warmer and warmer with each passing day.

Today isn’t very warm, however, so Eiji has to wear a light trench coat to keep himself from shivering. The last remaining withered leaves of the winter make crunchy noises under Eiji’s boots, air still heavy with the impact of rain as he walks deeper into the graveyard.

It’s easy to spot Ash when the pale sunshine is caressing his golden hair. Eiji slowly walks towards where his husband is standing in front of two headstones, his shoulders impossibly tense.

“Found you.” he murmurs softly.

Ash’s posture loosens slightly when he turns to face Eiji, sighing quietly. “I take it Sing told you I was here?”

“He did.” Eiji answers a little shyly. “I’m sorry, perhaps you wish to be alone for a while. I can go if…”

His voice slowly disappears as Ash gently wraps his arms around him and hides his face in Eiji’s neck.

“Stay.” His whisper is a warm breath against Eiji’s skin. “I want you here. I just didn’t want to wake you up.”

Exhaling a relieved breath, Eiji easily rises on his tiptoes with the every ounce of his dancer elegance and wraps his arms tighter around Ash. Over his husband’s shoulder, he looks at the headstones.

**Amity Elizabeth Callenreese** _(1960 – 2014)_

**Griffin James Callenreese** _(1984 – 2014)_

_So young,_ Eiji thinks sadly. _So sudden._

“You didn’t have to worry about that,” Eiji says as he pulls back but still stays close to Ash. “I wake up shortly after you leave the bed every time. My body got used to your presence.”

The clouds that cover Ash’s beautiful eyes clear away as Ash smirks a little. “Is that so?”

“You’ve turned me spoiled.”

_“Good.”_

Eiji laughs quietly as he leans his head on Ash’s shoulder. The silence between them is tenser than usual, but it’s not uncomfortable. Eiji notices Ash’s eyes are solely focused on his mother’s headstone.

Maybe, probably, he should keep quiet but the words escape from his mouth. “What was she like?”

Ash’s posture goes rigid but before Eiji can take his words back and apologize, he slowly starts talking. “She was beautiful, she was smart, she was kind… I hardly remember her raising her voice at someone other than my dad. Most people loved her. _I_ loved her.” Ash’s smile looks dim. “Though I don’t think she loved me very much.”

“ _Ash._ ” Eiji breathes. He’s certain it would hurt less if Ash hit him in the stomach.

“It’s true.” Ash says softly, eyes glued on Amma’s headstone again. “When she and my dad got married, she was still in love with him, so Griffin was born out of love. I wasn’t. Notice how there’s a big age gap between me and Griff? That’s because I was an accident and she didn’t want me. She _hated_ my father, so of course she didn’t want me.”

“I’m sure that’s not t—“

“I’ve heard the kitchen staff gossiping about it when I was nine.” Ash continues in a calm manner. “Turns out she wanted to get an abortion as soon as she found out but my dad refused it. Said he needed another _heir_ and locked her up in our summerhouse until I was born.”

Eiji takes a sharp breath. Rage and disgust he feels for Jim Callenreese fills him from head to toe.

“She still tried her best.” Ash turns his eyes to the ground. “I mean, she was a good mother even though I was the son she never wanted. Even her indifference was warm…” He suddenly lifts his head and gives Eiji a kind smile. “Remember when I told you about that time my mom took me to watch your ballet performance when I was little? That’s one of the _best_ memories I’ve ever had. It was one of the rare occasions where I was alone with her.”

Eiji felt fond the first time he’s heard about this. Now, there isn’t even a drop of fondness in his veins.

“She did her best… I just wish I was enough for her.”

Eiji sharply looks at him. “What makes you think you weren’t.”

“Because I _wasn’t,_ ” Ash bursts suddenly, voice slightly shaking. “If I was enough, she would think _‘Oh, I have another son, maybe I should keep living for his sake.’_ but no, she was more than ready to go after Griff. She had no problems about leaving the son she never wanted behind.” Ash quickly averts his eyes but Eiji’s already seen how they’re shining with tears. “Anyway, I have no right to think like this and be angry at her. She didn’t owe me a damn thing.”

Carefully, like he’s handling the world’s most fragile glass, Eiji takes Ash’s face between his palms. “You’re allowed to feel things, Ash.”

Ash freezes.

“You’re allowed be angry. You’re allowed to be sad. No matter how your relationship with her was, she was still your mother. You don’t have to pretend like she was some kind of a stranger.”

Ash stares at him for the longest time before he buries his face at Eiji’s neck again, his hot tears dripping on it. All Eiji can do is to hold him until Ash stops feeling like he’s going to fall apart any second, until his body is finally cleaned from the calcified sadness about his mother.

* * *

Spring comes and Eiji terribly falls sick.

_Seasonal sickness,_ Eiji has explained repeatedly whenever Ash went green in the face with worry but Ash still can’t stop himself from being anxious as he looks at Eiji’s pale, tired face. He brought different doctors (more doctors than necessary, probably) and they all confirmed what Eiji told him in the first place: Seasonal allergy, caused by the pollens in the air. Will recover shortly if he takes his medicine and rests plenty.

On the fifth day of Eiji’s bed rest, Ash leans down and presses a kiss on his sweaty hair despite Eiji’s protests. “Are you feeling better?”

Eiji’s smile is weaker than usual, but Ash’s heart still skips a beat against its beauty. One of Eiji’s arms lays gingerly on the top of his head and his ruby wedding ring, meeting the afternoon sun from the open window, casts a red shadow over Eiji’s face.

“I told you I’m alright, my love,” Eiji says softly. “I experience this every year. My mom also had severe spring allergies.”

Ash takes his other hand and kisses each of his fingers. “I just hate seeing you laying sick on bed.”

_It reminds me too much of Griffin,_ is what he doesn’t say.

One thing is certain: Ash will tell Eiji the truth about Griffin as soon as possible.

When Eiji found him in the cemetery and let Ash have a breakdown between his arms as he comforted him, Ash felt the weight he’s been carrying for so long inside his chest disappear and for the first time since his mother’s death, he dared to hope.

_I’m not alone anymore,_ Ash thought numbly while Eiji softly caressed his hair. _I have Eiji now. I don’t have to carry this burden by myself._

It’s selfish. It’s dangerous. But Ash is exhausted and he doesn’t know a better resting place than Eiji’s shoulder.

“So you’re saying you wouldn’t mind seeing me laying on this bed if I wasn’t sick?” Eiji asks, the innuendo in his words unmistakable.

Ash leans in and peppers his face in little kisses, making Eiji shriek. Despite Eiji’s teasing, they haven’t done anything yet, simply because they both feel like it’s too soon.

It’s okay. They have time.

“I’m tired…” Eiji murmurs softly. Ash immediately pulls back and makes sure he’s settled comfortably before he puts a final kiss on Eiji’s forehead.

“Sleep.” he whispers. Eiji’s eyelids are already dropping heavily when Ash exits the bedroom.

He’s barely taken a few steps when Anna approaches him with a nervous look on her face and extends him a phone. “Master James wants to speak with you, sir.”

Taking a deep breath, Ash thanks her with a nod and takes the phone, but he doesn’t put it on his ear before he enters his study and closes the door firmly. “Father.”

Jim’s voice is cold enough to freeze the hell. “Why aren’t you at the work yet, Aslan?”

Almost immediately, Ash has the urge to grate his teeth. Of course his father knows he’s not at work yet. “I was minding my husband. I’ll leave the house now.”

“Oh, yes,” Jim says in a monotone nonchalance. “How is he?”

_Fine,_ Ash wants to snap and be done with this conversation already but he hesitates as a new idea forms inside his head.

“He feels worse, unfortunately.” Ash says, voice carefully upset.

He can almost see his father’s frown on the other of the phone. “How?”

“It seems like his body hasn’t gotten used to New York’s weather changes.” Ash informs. “He can’t leave the bed. He is very weak and pale. His nose turned red from constantly running.”

Jim makes a disgusted noise. “There’s no way he can attend the charity ball this weekend if he looks like that.”

“Yes, father.”

“But people may talk if we simply tell them he’s sick.” Jim says thoughtfully. “Leave the town for this weekend. I’ll tell everyone you had a prior engagement.”

_Voila._ “As you wish.”

Jim hangs up without even reminding him to go to work again, probably too displeased about Eiji’s condition. For him, it’s going to be a weekend where he’ll masterly dodge the questions about Ash and Eiji’s absence.

For Ash, it’s going to be the weekend he’ll finally tell Eiji the biggest secret of his life.

“ _Out of my way._ ”

Ash startles. He knows very well the owner of this cold voice. Slowly, he exits his study and steps into the middle room between his and Eiji’s old bedroom.

Yut-Lung stands upright in front of Blanca’s huge presence with a stern look on his face. Unlike him, Blanca has a polite smile plastered on his face.

“Master Lee, I told you,” he says in a kind manner. “Master Eiji is asleep at the moment. I’m afraid I can’t let you see him.”

“And I told you I don’t care if he’s asleep.” Yut-Lung hisses and unexpectedly, he grabs Blanca’s arm. Ash winces on impulse but Blanca looks quite calm even when Yut-Lung’s long nails tear his skin. “So step aside and let me see my friend.”

Blanca doesn’t move.

“It’s alright.” Ash finally says.

Yut-Lung turns so abruptly that his long braid falls from his shoulder to his back. Wisely, without saying anything else, Blanca leaves the room. Ash is suddenly all too aware this is one of those rare moments where it’s just two of them.

“I suppose you’re expecting a thanks.” Yut-Lung breaks the silence, voice rather cold.

“I don’t expect anything from you.” Ash says quietly. _Not anymore._

Yut-Lung’s eyes wanders around the room with a visible disinterest. Ash wonder if he, too, sees the ghosts of their shared past: his mother, aunt Mei, the afternoons they spent playing together while their moms watched them…

The words leave his mouth outside of his control. “How lucky Eiji is to have the friendship of someone like you…”

Yut-Lung’s stare is darker than the night and more burning than the snow when he turns his eyes on Ash. “And how lucky I am to finally find someone who’s worth of my friendship.”

He turns away and begins walking towards Eiji’s bedroom, but suddenly, Ash runs out of patience.

“You did this to us.” Ash says in one breath; sadness, loneliness and hurt of the unspoken years between them leaking into his voice. “You’re the one who built this wall between us.”

Yut-Lung stands still for a long time as if his body has turned into stone. When he finally looks at Ash, the only emotion in his eyes is tiredness.

“Yes.” he accepts easily. “And you’re the one who never really tried to destroy that wall.”

Ash doesn’t know how long he stands there after Yut-Lung quietly slips out of the room.

* * *

Chilly hands are the first thing Eiji takes notice when he wakes up.

They feel _so_ good against his heated skin that a low moan escapes from his aching throat. The hands travel across his face: from his forehead to his cheeks, from his cheeks to his chin…

“Thank you.” Eiji murmurs to the owner of the cold hands.

Someone laughs under their breath. Eiji opens his eyes with difficulty and sees Yut-Lung’s graceful face.

“ _Yut-Lung._ ” he breaths and tries to lift his head from the pillow, which turns out to be a big mistake when a painful headache literally stabs his head. Eiji settles down with a grimace. “You’re here.”

“Yes,” Yut-Lung says indifferently. “I decided to come and see you myself since you didn’t show up to our weekly horse riding session.”

“I’m sorry.”

Yut-Lung rolls his eyes. “Why are you apologizing for being sick, silly boy?” He stands up, looking around Eiji’s room with displeased eyes. “You have terrible doctors, by the way. How are you supposed to get better if you lay down all day?”

Eiji is confused. “I—“

“Get up,” Yut-Lung says firmly. “We will sit in the living room. Meanwhile, someone should let some fresh air into this room.”

Despite Eiji’s weak protests, Yut-Lung makes him get up from the bed. His head feels like it’s going to explode any second but Eiji still takes a moment to be surprised when he sees how Yut-Lung half-carries him out of the room without struggling.

Yut-Lung doesn’t let him lay down again, but he helps him sit on one of the comfortable armchairs. Eiji closes his eyes to make the terrible spinning stop, grateful that Yut-Lung doesn’t try to start a conversation right away. He hears him talking to someone and a few minutes later, a tea tray is placed on the table between them.

Eiji opens his eyes to see Yut-Lung extending a teacup to him. “Drink.”

He has _zero_ appetite but he knows turning down his friend would be rude, especially since he came here to see Eiji, so he accepts it and starts taking small sips.

Eiji pauses and looks at his cup. “This... this isn’t so bad, actually.”

Yut-Lung has a smug but gentle look on his face when he takes his own cup. “I told you, your doctors are useless. My mom’s secret tea recipe is better for headache than any other medicine.”

Eiji blinks a little, then a soft smile takes over his face, touched that Yut-Lung finds him worthy enough for his late mother’s tea recipe. The two of them drink their tea in silence, each sip making Eiji feel a little bit better.

“I’m glad you came to visit me, Yue.” Eiji says finally, after making sure he can speak without feeling like hundred little needles are pricking into his head. “This has been a very boring week and I missed you.”

Yut-Lung looks at him with an unreadable expression on his face before he calmly puts his cup on the table. “I’m leaving.”

“Oh.” Eiji tries to hide his disappointment but he doesn’t succeed much. “Already?””

“No, little dove,” Yut-Lung says softly. “ _I’m leaving._ ”

When Eiji realizes what he means, he stops breathing.

Yut-Lung slowly starts playing with the silver bracelet on his wrist. “I’ve been thinking about it for… God knows how long. But in the past weeks, it was all I could think about. I know I have to stay if I want to fulfill my mom’s sacrifice but… is it really worth it?” His beautiful black eyes look so lost. “What would she want?”

Eiji lets out a slow, shaky breath. “She would want your happiness, Yue.”

He has never met this mother (and he never will) but after listening Yut-Lung to talk about her for hours, she doesn’t feel like a stranger to Eiji anymore.

Almost immediately, tears pool down in Yut-Lung’s eyes. “Happy,” he whispers. “I don’t feel happy in that golden cage, Eiji. I never have. That’s why I need to leave.”

Eiji’s heart starts beating wildly. “But—the money—what will you—“

“I sold my jewels.” Yut-Lung says boldly. “I can’t touch the money my dad left me as long as my scum brother is still alive. So I sold all of them, except a few valuable pieces that used to belong to my mother.” He lets out a deep breath. “I’m leaving the country. The money won’t be enough in the long run, but it’s enough to rent a modest place and handle my basic needs until I find a job.”

Eiji stays quiet for a long time while he tries to absorb everything he’s just heard. “So… you’re really going?”

Yut-Lung stares at his lap. “Yes.”

With sobs threatening to burst from his mouth, Eiji leans closer and wraps his arms around Yut-Lung. His friend tenses for a moment before his body sags into Eiji’s embrace.

“I’m so happy for you.” Eiji whispers shakily, caressing Yut-Lung’s long braid with one hand.

Yut-Lung pulls back and stares into his eyes. “Come with me.”

There’s a distant ringing in Eiji’s ears— maybe from the sickness, maybe from the shock he feels, maybe both. “Wh—what?”

“I know Sing won’t come with me if I’m alone.” The soft acceptance in Yut-Lung’s voice is enough to tear Eiji’s heart to shreds. “But if you come with me too… Sing, you and me. We can start a new life.”

Eiji slowly stands up with shaking knees. He opens and closes his mouth several times, finding it hard to talk with a mouth full of acid. “Do you even realize what you’re saying to me?”

“Eiji—“

“You, of all people,” Eiji pants the words out. “Know how much I had to give up for this marriage. Do you think Jim Callenreese would let me go away just like that?” His voice volumes up in terror. “Do you think Aunt Hideko would let me see Misa again?!”

“Listen to me.” Yut-Lung stands up too and takes Eiji’s hands into his with a firm grip. “Your aunt isn’t a foolish woman. She knows how powerful I will be once Wang-Lung dies and I take over the Lee Corporations. I’ll offer her a bigger, _better_ business deal than Jim did and she won’t threaten you anymore.”

Eiji shakes his head. “I can’t—“

“Little dove, _why?_ ” There’s so much confusion and hurt in Yut-Lung’s eyes. “You hate this life. You told me yourself you don’t know how much more you can endure this. You don’t even love Ash.”

Eiji stops trembling.

Whatever he sees in Eiji’s expression makes Yut-Lung slowly withdraw his hands.

“Oh.” he says slowly. “I see.”

“Yue…” Eiji whispers helplessly.

Yut-Lung carefully puts a calm mask on his face before he gives Eiji an empty smile. “Well. It seems like I’ll never be someone’s first choice even if they like me. I hope you will have a happier life from now on, Eiji. Thank you for everything.”

Eiji stumbles towards him as the hot tears blur his vision, but Yut-Lung has already slipped away from the room like a quiet ghost.

His tired knees don’t carry him anymore and Eiji starts crying before he even hits the floor.

* * *

Sing hates Lee mansion with every fiber of his being and yet for some reason, he always finds himself coming back here.

For Yut-Lung.

His bad mood must be legendary this time, because no one is guarding his rooms when Sing walks in, not even Wu. Yut-Lung is laying down on his velvet lounge and he lifts his head in anger when he notices someone has entered his room.

“I told you I want to—oh.” Yut-Lung’s poisonous words get interrupted as he sees it’s just Sing, a fed up look settling on his features. “It’s you.”

Sing takes a subtle deep breath. Yut-Lung’s long hair is flowing from his shoulders in messy waves and he’s wearing a thin red night robe that’s a bit loose for him. It slips from his shoulders and exposes his collarbones when Yut-Lung picks himself up from the lounge, and Sing quickly averts his eyes.

He knows he has no right to admire Yut-Lung’s breathtaking beauty. Not anymore.

“How many times do I have to repeat you’re not welcomed here unless you accompany Eiji?” Yut-Lung asks cruelly, black eyes looking like two pieces of black ice.

It hurts in so many different ways, but Sing calmly approaches him anyway. “Eiji isn’t with me,” he says unnecessarily. “But I brought something from him.”

He carefully pulls the envelope from his pocket. Yut-Lung barely blinks before he snatches it off and tries to rip it but Sing knows him well, Sing is faster.

“Don’t.” he snaps, he begs. “His fever has gone up again but he still forced himself to write this. Please don’t do this, Yue.”

Yut-Lung takes a few deep breaths. In the end, he lets go of the letter and lays down again. “Read it to me or I won’t read it at all.”

Sing hesitates but eventually, he opens Eiji’s letter with slightly unsteady hands.

_Yut-Lung;_

_I want to start by saying this: I’m sorry. I’m sorry we had to part like this. I’m sorry I failed to express myself properly. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings._

_The first time we talked, the first time we really talked, you told me there were certain situations where you can’t turn your back and go. I think I understand now what you wanted you tell me back then. There’s so many things I can’t change about my situation, Yue. But loving Ash is not something I would want to change. Please try to understand me. Please try to forgive me._

_You’re the first friend I made after living under my aunt’s thumb for so many years. You didn’t just help me surviving in this lion’s dent but you also helped filling the gap inside my chest from so many years of loneliness. I don’t think I ever told you this and I regret it._

_You’ve always called me little dove but I always thought you’re the most elegant swan this world has ever seen. And you deserve cleaner waters._

_Wherever you go, a big piece of my heart will stay with you. Always. As long as you want my friendship. As long as you allow me._

_Eiji._

Yut-Lung stays silent for many long minutes after Sing finishes. His body is curled in the fetal position and Sing forces himself to not to touch his back.

Finally, he sighs very, very lightly. “So Ash found someone to love him… How lovely.”

Sing has so many things to say upon this, but of course, he chooses the worst one. “Are you jealous?”

Yut-Lung turns then, throws Sing a cold glare before he gets up and fills a glass of champagne for himself. He takes a big sip.

“I want to be loved too.” he admits quietly.

Sing feels like as if someone just slapped him hard. “You’re already—“

“ _Shut the fuck up!_ ” Yut-Lung suddenly flings his champagne flute away in mad rage, making it break to little pieces. The sight is shocking for even Sing, someone who’s familiar with Yut-Lung's little petulant stunts. “I will not hear it from you! You—you actually have some nerve…”

He’s out of breath in mere seconds. With a sinking feeling in his gut, Sing realizes this is the moment of confrontation he’s always been afraid of.

He desperately takes a step towards Yut-Lung. “Yue—“

“You abandoned me!” Sing helplessly watches as tears start flowing from Yut-Lung’s beautiful eyes. “There wasn’t even a single problem between us and yet you quit without telling me anything!”

Sing bows his head in shame, feeling like every breath he takes is burning his lungs.

In an instant, Yut-Lung’s cold hands grab his collar and shakes him roughly. His black eyes are shining with anger as he continues crying. “Was there even a reason?”

Sing grits his teeth. “Of course there was a reason.”

“Oh yeah?” Sarcasm drips from Yut-Lung’s voice like coal tar. “Was it because you were too good for me?”

“No!”

“Was it because you got tired of playing the babysitter role for a spoiled brat?”

“ _No._ ”

“Was it because—“

“ _Because you and I belong to different fucking worlds!_ ” Sing bursts in a yell. “Because even if I love you, I can never give you the life you deserve!”

The silence between them is more deafening than any loud noise Sing’s ever heard. Yut-Lung looks absolutely _frozen_ while Sing’s heart beats wildly in his ears. He’s done it. He’s really told—

“You…” Yut-Lung sounds so, so lost. “You love me?”

Sing lets out a shaky breath. “I do. For a long time.”

Another tear escapes from Yut-Lung’s right eye. “Then why… why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was going to.” Sing laughs bitterly. “God, I can’t remember how many confession scenarios I thought of.” He swallows audibly, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. “Then one day Lao realized my feelings for you and opened my eyes.”

“What do you mean?” Yut-Lung asks sharply.

“Look at you, Yut-Lung.” Sing says desperately. “Look at your house, your clothes, your whole life… I’m a very simple man and unless a miracle happens, I will always be a simple man. You deserve better than this. You deserve better than me.”

A heartbeat. Then two. Then—

Yut-Lung slaps him.

He has pretty small hands, so it’s definitely not pain that throws Sing off balance. Yut-Lung looks _maddened._

_“How dare you?!_ ” he screams at Sing’s face. While Sing stands frozen, Yut-Lung rapidly moves inside the room.

“My house?” he asks mockingly and under Sing’s shocked eyes, he grabs an expensive vase from the table and _smashes_ it to the ground. “My clothes?” He moves again and opens his wardrobe, blindly reaching and ripping the first item he sees.

Sing composes himself and quickly embraces Yut-Lung before he can damage more things. “Calm down—“

“I never wanted any of these!” Yut-Lung struggles against his chest. “Not the clothes, not the jewels— I don’t care about them! How dare you make decisions on my behalf?”

Sing sucks in a breath. “Mooncake, I only—“

“ _I hate you_!” Yut-Lung sobs as he hits Sing’s chest with weak fists. “I hate you and I hate myself even more for loving you!”

Sing stops trying to contain him. His mouth opens for a gasp and that’s when Yut-Lung pulls him into a kiss.

Yut-Lung’s lips taste like the salt of his tears. A distant part of Sing’s mind feels victorious to learn Yut-Lung’s lips are as soft as they look. Their first kiss is so much different than Sing has imagined, but it’s still the best thing that has ever happened to him.

Yut-Lung pulls back and looks at him with a different kind of fire in his eyes. “Touch me.”

“We shouldn’t.” Sing whispers back. “You’re emotionally drai—“

Yut-Lung leans again to kiss him and Sing hisses in pain when sharp teeth draw blood from his lower lip.

“Stop speaking for me.” Yut-Lung whispers against his lips. “I want you. And if you want me too, _touch me_.”

Sing has been weak against this beautiful boy for ages but still, he refuses to fuck Yut-Lung hastily. Instead, he acts like they have all the time in the world. He kisses Yut-Lung until they both are out of breath, kisses him until his lips turn puffy and red, and then kisses every inch of his gorgeous creamy skin once Yut-Lung gets rid of his thin night robe. Sing adoringly caresses his silky black hair, pulling it lightly as Yut-Lung covers his body with possessive, enthusiastic hickeys. Sing keeps his hands on Yut-Lung’s waist as the other boy rides him in a maddening pace, for hours and hours and _hours._

When they’re done, Sing carries Yut-Lung into his massive bath tub and makes him sit between his legs. He kisses the wet strands of his long hair, landing the final kiss to his collarbone.

“I’ll run away with you.” Sing declares seriously.

Yut-Lung turns in his embrace and looks at his face, the look on his face both hopeful and heartbroken. “You have a whole life here,” he says monotonously. “I have no education. I have no job. I don’t know what the future holds for me.”

Sing takes his face between his palms. “ _I’ll run away with you._ ”

Yut-Lung lets out a shaky breath before he leans in to take Sing’s lips once again.

* * *

“You’re making a mistake.”

Blanca’s voice is colder than usual but Ash pays him no mind as he checks the things to make sure everything is complete. _Passports. IDs. Two bags._

“Do you hear me?”

He supposes using one of their private jets is risky, but Eiji still hasn’t recovered completely and Ash doesn’t want to tire him even more. Besides, he knows some of the personnel is loyal to him and tight-lipped. He chose the pilot well.

“Ash—“

“I’m hearing you,” Ash finally snaps harshly. “But I’m choosing to _not_ listen to you. So please save your breath and do what I tell you.”

Blanca’s face turns stony, but thankfully, he turns around and leaves without making another comment. Ash looks after him with empty eyes for a while before he steps into the balcony where Eiji is curled in one of the seats.

“Sweetheart,” he calls as the walks closer. “Are you ready?”

Eiji looks at him and smiles. He hasn’t said much since Ash told him they are going to be out of the town for this weekend, but he finally asks the question Ash has been expecting. “Where are we going?”

Ash drops a kiss on his hair. “Annecy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wipes sweat away from forehead* boiii that was such a wild chapter.
> 
> my finals are starting soon so naturally i don't plan on updating for a while. i hope you can understand me angels. 💖 please let me know your thoughts about this chapter!


	9. shining violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT. believe me, i never intended the hiatus to be this long but you know, life happens. thank you so much for your patience. ❤️
> 
>  **warning:** mildy graphich violence scene

The flight is long and dark and thankfully, Eiji stays asleep for the most part of it.

Guiltily, Ash wonders if taking an exhausting flight after he barely recovered might worsen Eiji’s condition. Eiji has assured him over and over again that it was nothing serious and he could handle it, and yet Ash can’t stop feeling selfish for dragging his husband with him.

But it had to be this weekend. While Jim briefly averted his burning gaze from them.

The jet plane is big enough so Blanca sits far away from them, lost in his own thoughts. Ash can still see him from the corner of his eye and he pretends hard to not notice how tightly his fists are clenched.

 _I’m not doing anything wrong,_ Ash repeats inside his head like a prayer. _Eiji is kind. Eiji loves me. Eiji will understand._

The sun is slowly rising when they finally land. Eiji has been awake for some time now, but he chose to snuggle into Ash’s chest in silence. Ash kisses his forehead when Eiji turns his doe eyes at him.

“We’re here,” he whispers. “Shall we?”

Eiji remains unmoved for a minute. “We are in France, aren’t we?”

A light shiver takes over Ash’s body. “Yes,” he says quietly. “Yes, we are.”

Eiji’s lips part for a breath but he doesn’t ask anything else and just takes the hand Ash offers to him.

The car ride also passes in silence. While they sit in the back, Blanca sits in the front with a dark look on his face, causing Eiji to send him agitated glances from where’s leaning against Ash’s shoulder.

 _“It’s all right.”_ Ash wants to say him more than anything. _“No need to be nervous.”_ But he knows it’d only be a big lie, so he just keeps quiet and holds Eiji a bit tighter.

When they _finally_ arrive at their destination, Blanca bolts out of the car without saying anything. Ash sighs deeply before he turns to face Eiji who’s looking at him with concern.

“Ash,” he murmurs sadly. “I’m feeling pretty lost right now.”

“I know, baby.” Ash whispers in shame. And then, because he is weak— “Do you trust me?”

Eiji doesn’t even hesitate for a second. “Of course I do.”

Ash gently cups his face between his palms like he’s handling the world’s most fragile china and kisses those beautiful pink lips. “Thank you,” he breathes. “I love you.”

Eiji’s lips curl for a sweet little smile. “Love you too, dandelion.”

Ash still feels scared about what he’s about to do but when Eiji takes his hand again, some of the cold numbness he’s feeling disappears and gets replaced by a now-familiar warmness.

They start walking together in lazy steps, like all the time in the world belongs to them, but when Eiji’s eyes fall on the view, his breathing hitches and he stops. “It’s so beautiful.”

The newly risen sun is reflecting on the surface of the lake as Annecy wakes up from its sleep. Ash lets himself admire it for a long moment before he gently tugs Eiji again. “Yes, it is. Maybe I’ll take you on a biking tour if we find time.”

Eiji hums quietly.

Once they enter from the garden gate, Eiji turns to him with a questioning look in his eyes. Ash takes a deep, nervous breath and kisses Eiji’s knuckles.

“Bambi,” he says softly, using the nickname he came up with recently. “I’m gonna introduce you to someone now.”

“Okay.” Eiji accepts easily, confusion still clear in his expression.’

“You’ll probably be… startled,” Ash gulps down. “But I swear I’ll explain everything.”

Eiji stares at him intensely before he leans in and quickly kisses Ash on the lips. “I trust you,” he repeats his earlier statement.

Maybe for the thousandth time, Ash wonders how the universe decided to reward him with such a generous gift.

Natasha opens the door for them, looking naturally surprised since she’s most probably seen Blanca already and wondering why they decided to visit without letting her know first. She raises a single eyebrow at Ash but then turns her attention to Eiji.

“Hello.” Natasha greets softly.

Ash quickly intervenes. “Eiji, this is Natasha. She is Blanca’s wife.”

“Oh.” Eiji politely shakes her hand. “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

Natasha just smiles faintly. “Come inside.”

They do and Eiji subtly examines the place. Meanwhile, Ash forces himself to meet her sharp gaze as they all stand in the entrance for an awkward minute. “Where is he?”

Natasha’s eyes widen slightly. “In the balcony,” she answers slowly. “You know he likes to sit there in mornings.”

Ash nods and gently catches Eiji’s hand again, dragging him to the direction of the balcony.

He hears Natasha’s faint gasp behind them. “Ash…”

Ash looks at her again and he doesn’t know what she sees in his eyes, but it makes her bow her head in a helpless acceptance. He takes a deep breath and continues moving.

“Ash…” Eiji whispers.

He doesn’t say anything this time. When they finally reach the door, he lets go of Eiji’s hand and slowly walks inside.

Griffin is in his wheelchair like usual, head tipped back as he consumes the early morning sun from his balcony. It’s not a cold morning, by all means, yet Natasha has put a thin blanket on his knees anyway. _He gets cold,_ she once told him sadly. _No matter how warm it is. He gets cold._

Ash approaches him with clumsy steps but Griffin doesn’t seem to notice him. He only turns his eyes to Ash when he kneels next to his wheelchair and takes his hands, but even then, there’s no recognition in his empty eyes.

“Hi, big bro,” Ash whispers shakily. “I missed you.”

Eiji freezes.

Griffin keeps looking at him blankly but after a few long minutes, he suddenly grips Ash’s hands tighter as his breathing quickens and he rasps with a very hoarse voice. “As…Asl…”

“Shh…” Ash soothes him quickly, tears already leaking from the corner of his eyes. “It’s alright, Griff. Breathe with me.”

Distantly, he notices Eiji slowly sitting on a chair but he doesn’t say anything as Ash calms his brother down. After minutes chase each other and Griffin tires himself too much, Ash gently pushes his wheelchair and places him on his bed. When he turns, he sees Eiji’s no longer inside the room and he’s stepped into the balcony instead.

He closes his eyes briefly before he follows him.

Eiji’s looking down the view of Annecy again, but the earlier amazement is absent from his face. This time, he looks like he’s back to the first stage of spring illness again: worn and pale. Ash startles badly when he sees his husband sniffling softly.

“I thought you had a lover here,” Eiji says miserably. “God— I couldn’t be more stupid and selfish even if I tried.”

“Don’t say that.” Ash protests sharply because _selfish_ and _stupid_ are the furthest things Eiji is. “Anyone else would also think something like that.”

Still, Eiji sighs unhappily.

“You—“ Ash’s mouth feels too dry. “You must have a lot of questions.”

Eiji finally averts his eyes and looks at Ash. “I do,” he admits in a murmur. “But I won’t ask anything if you don’t want me to.”

Ash’s stomach drops. “What?”

Eiji timidly walks over to him, eyes carefully trained on Ash’s face. “It means I won’t force you for answers,” he says sincerely. “If you… if you want to spend the weekend with your… your brother and don’t want to explain anything, that’s fine by me. I won’t be angry. I won’t trust you any less.”

A strong sting brutally covers Ash’s eyes and before he knows it, he’s sobbing uncontrollably between Eiji’s arms. Eiji never makes him shush, he just gently guides Ash until they’re sitting on the patio swing and then rubs circles on his back while Ash cries and cries and _cries._

“I’m the selfish one.” he eventually says. “I should’ve never brought you here. It’s too dangerous. If my father finds out—“

Even the thought of it sinks into Ash’s stomach like a rusty knife.

“I don’t care if it’s dangerous.” Eiji whispers determinedly. “You _wanted_ me here. And that’s an enough reason for me.”

He lifts a hand to caress Ash’s golden hair, making him lean into the touch like a pleased cat. After a while, he starts talking slowly. “It happened one night when my father and Griff were returning from a business trip…”

Looking back now, Ash understands something like that was eventually bound to happen. _But why did it have to be Griffin,_ Ash wonders for the millionth time. _Why, why, why not **him**?_

“Our company was involved in a messy business deal. Turns out some other company actually earned the biggest rights but Jim somehow managed to get rid of them and turned it to our favor.” Ash says bitterly. “He was greedy. He’s always been greedy and never once he cared about the consequences of his greediness. Needless to say, the other company wasn’t very happy…”

Ash’s voice disappears slowly as his heartbeat wildly picks up. Eiji notices and touches him with even more kindness, but nothing is enough to stop Ash from shivering.

“Apparently they were sending non-subtle threats to father for a while but he didn’t take them seriously, just laughed it off.” Ash speaks with difficulty. “And then, one night, just before him and Griff were getting in the car after a business trip… they were attacked. With guns.”

Eiji stops breathing.

“A bullet hit Griffin in his brain while he was trying to protect father,” Ash chokes up. “We were told he died right there. God, Eiji, the screaming sounds my mother made… I won’t forget that day until I die.”

“Don’t say that.” Eiji begs weakly, tears pooling down on his doe eyes again.

Ash takes a couple of breaths before he continues. “Almost one month after it happened… I accidently heard _him_ talking to Blanca. My mother had already locked herself in her room by then. And my father, he… He was giving instructions to Blanca about how to handle _Griffin’s_ condition.”

He suddenly lunges forward and lightly shakes Eiji’s shoulder in a crazy haze. “Do you understand it, Eiji? Griffin was alive the whole time and that twisted old fuck kept it hidden from us because he was _ashamed_ of having an ill son. That bullet didn’t kill Griffin. It made him lose almost all of his motor skills and strongly weakened his sensation capability but it didn’t _kill him._ And Jim made us think it actually did.”

Sobs break free from Eiji’s mouth. Ash blinks, loosening up his death grip to immediately gather Eiji between his arms.

“I remember destroying his office,” He says in a monotone voice. “Breaking his stuff, screaming in mad rage… I told him I was going to tell my mother what a liar he was. And he… he just laughed and…”

“ _’Go ahead and tell her then, boy,’_ he told me very calmly. _‘Tell her how her golden son is alive but he’s so numb, so different from the bright young man he used to be that death would be a sweet release for him. Tell her the child she never really cared about is still in perfect health while her baby boy is gone.’_ ”

For a while, all he hears is the distant sounds of the city. Eiji is as quiet as a wall next to him but when he speaks again, acid is dripping from his voice. “He— _how dare he_ —“

“The worst part is, I… I believed what he said for a while.” Ash whispers like he’s confessing his worst sin. Maybe it _is_ his worst sin. “I couldn’t handle it if she hated me, Eiji. So, just like a selfish scum, I kept it hidden from her for a few days. Then I decided it wouldn’t matter if she fucking hated me or not, she had the _right_ to know.” He stays quiet for a long while. “The night I was going to tell her, she killed herself.”

Eiji inhales loudly. “Oh God, oh my—“

“Just like that. Gone. And for nothing.” Ash grabs his own hair tightly like he wants to rip it all from his head. “ _And it’s all my fucking fault!_ If only, if only I told her sooner—“

“Stop.” Eiji says sternly, sounding angry for the first time since this conversation began. “Your father _manipulated_ you. How old were you then, eighteen? It was a way too heavy burden for you.” He gently untangles Ash’s hands and holds them. “Listen to me. The only person who should be blamed in this tragic story is your father. He’s the reason why Griffin was attacked. He’s the reason why you hesitated about telling your mother. He’s the reason why your mom did that horrible thing to herself.”

Ash hiccups brokenly as his husband pulls him to his lap to rain kisses down his hair. “He told me he’d hide Griffin from me if I ever told anyone about it, Eiji.” he says. “He told me I would never see my brother again if I didn’t marry you. I’m— I’m sorry for burdening you with all of this but God knows, I’m so tired…”

“I know, baby,” Eiji murmurs softly. “I know.”

* * *

Eiji Okumura-Callenreese watches with a soft look on his face as Ash gently spoon feeds his older brother and Blanca doesn’t remember the last time he felt this furious.

“You’re upset.”

He doesn’t turn back even when he hears the voice he loves the most in the world. Seconds later, Natasha’s jasmine perfume hits his nose and her scarlet head leans on his shoulder.

Blanca still remembers the days his wife’s hair was honey golden instead of the wine red she’s been using for the past few years. He loves Natasha to death in every appearance of her.

“This is wrong.” Blanca grits between his teeth, his voice deadly quiet.

She stays silent for a while. Then, softly, “And why is that?”

Blanca turns then, meets Natasha’s blue eyes under the dusky fluorescents hanging from the ceiling. “Because we have a deal with Jim Callenreese.” he says desperately. “He only accepted hiding us because you said you would take care of his disabled son and I said I would do any task he gave me. And he made sure we knew what he’d do to us if you ever tell anyone about Griffin or if I ever stop working for him one day.”

Natasha doesn’t say anything.

“We will go back to running away from Alexei if Jim ever finds out about this, _zolotse,_ ” Blanca whispers in fear, kissing her forehead tenderly. “We will go back to living in constant fear, half starved, with no place to call home… I can’t let this happen.”

“But I don’t want this kind of selfish love, Sergei.”

Blanca withdraws and suddenly realizes Natasha looks so, _so_ tired. “Look at this child,” she continues, pointing at Ash with her small hand. “Have you ever seen him this happy? Every single time he’s been here, he always carried an invisible burden on his shoulders. This is first time I see him this… light. And now you want to take it back from him because, what? So we can keep the illusion we’re happy and safe.”

Blanca opens his mouth. “Natasha—“

“I rather have you with me all time than seeing you every once in a blue moon,” Natasha says passionately. “I don’t care if I would die from hunger. At least you would stay with me, with your _wife_.”

With her floral dress floating in the wind, Natasha walks past him and steps in the garden. Helplessly, Blanca just watches as she affectionately passes her hand through Griffin’s hair like a loving mother.

* * *

The scandal of the youngest Lee son of Lee Corporations running away with his former assistant hits the news five days after Eiji returns from Annecy. He’s still shell shocked from the revelation about Griffin, so lately he wasn’t able to think about Yut-Lung as much as he should have.

(While they were in Annecy, Sing sent him a long e-mail and apologized for quitting his job without any warning, explaining his organizing system in detail and thanking him for everything. Eiji doesn’t need to be super genius to guess who’s with him now.)

Tonight, he and Ash are having dinner at Shorter and Cain’s house. The evening is lovely, since their hosts are more than polite and Eiji cherishes every second he is away from that too big and too cold mansion he has to call home, until Shorter gets a phone call and excuses himself with a frown on his face. Cain watches him anxiously, and that only increases when Shorter returns with a rigid posture and turns on the TV. They all step closer to look at it.

A beautiful woman is standing on a platform as plenty of cameras are directed in her direction. Her face looks like it’s carved from expensive marble, and she looks cold and pained at the same time.

 _Who is this…?_ Eiji almost asks the question aloud until he realizes all three of them are looking at the TV screen intensely. So he clicks his mouth shut and just silently watches.

“Thank you all for being here today,” the woman starts talking, a faint accent slipping into her tone. “To be honest, it’s rather difficult for me to be here at the moment but sadly, I have to make this announcement.” She sighs deeply. “With a very heavy heart, I must tell you my brother-in-law, Yut-Lung Lee, has run away from home and left his older brother.”

Immediately, the meeting room starts buzzing with murmuring.

Eiji gasps quietly as he realizes this woman is Wang-Lung Lee’s wife. Yut-Lung once told him she and her children were living in a country he doesn’t know, but apparently they came back. Now that Yut-Lung is gone.

From the corner of his eye, Eiji sees Shorter sitting on the couch and pinching the bridge of his nose. “For fuck’s sake.” he mutters.

“Why is she doing this?” Eiji asks confusedly.

Ash is still looking at the TV. “So that Yut-Lung won’t dare to come back.”

Cain laughs, but there is no amusement in his voice. “As if he would ever want to come back.”

Mrs. Lee waits patiently as the murmurs die down, and then wipes a single tear from her eye. “Needless to guess, it was such a shock for my poor husband. Yut-Lung is his only surviving brother after all and he would never guess his baby brother abandoning him like this. He even took a large amount of cash from their family inheritance before he left...”

“ _Liar_.” Eiji hisses angrily, taking a few unconscious steps until he’s standing right in front of the TV. “It’s not— _she’s a liar._ Yut-Lung didn’t take any money, even though it actually belongs to him, because it’s illegal for him until Wang-Lung dies. He had to sell his jewels.”

“We know, bambi.” Ash says softly behind him. “But can he defend himself when he’s not even here?”

Eiji just feels _drained_ and closes his eyes to pull himself together. That’s right, Yut-Lung is with the man he loves right now and he probably doesn’t care about the stunts his family pulls. Eiji shouldn’t care either.

Suddenly, Eiji startles as a soft thing rubs into his ankles. He immediately brightens when he looks down and notices a white cat. “Oh my God, is this…?”

Persephone meows happily—and loudly.

“Yep, this princess is staying with us now.” Shorter says softly, watching as Eiji bends down to pet the cat. “Sing asked me and I couldn’t say no, so…”

“Interesting.” Ash says teasingly. “I never thought you guys were cat people.”

Cain shrugs lightly, still managing to look badass even with Persephone climbing into his shoulders. “She has her charms.”

Eiji smiles at the scene, catching Ash’s amused eyes as Shorter lovingly coos at the cat sitting on his boyfriend’s shoulders.

A couple of weeks later, Eiji is working on the garden when his phone suddenly pings with a notification. Frowning, he quickly takes off his gardening gloves and opens the message he’s received from an unknown number.

Eiji stops breathing for a moment.

Yut-Lung is wearing a big straw hat to protect himself from the sun, his long hair falling from his shoulders in messy curls. Next to him, Sing’s wearing a stylish t-shirt, no doubt picked by Yue himself. Their arms are wrapped around each other in a lover’s embrace. They must have asked someone to take the photo.

Under the photo, there is a simple caption.

_Safe. Happy. In love. I hope you can be as free as me one day with the man you love, little dove._

Eiji chokes up as a happy little laugh bursts from his mouth. He looks at the photo until his eyes feel watery.

That night, he lays between Ash’s arms as his husband caresses his back in sleepy sluggishness. Yut-Lung’s words keep swimming inside his head and more than once, Eiji thinks about whispering the words against Ash’s pale neck: _Don't_ _you wish we could leave this place?_

He doesn’t ask. He knows the answer.

* * *

 Ash doesn’t know why Jim still insists on having a dinner with them every two weeks since it’s obvious _none of them_ enjoys it.

He sends Eiji a concerned glance. The dinner actually contains plenty of his favorite dishes: roasted veggies, well-cooked steak, celery salad with yoghurt… Yet Eiji’s barely eating, taking the smallest bites from his plate as he plays with his food. Ash decides he’ll make sure Eiji eats when they get back home.

Jim carelessly refills his wine glass— for the third time this evening. He then turns to Eiji, instantly putting Ash on the edge. “So,” he says in a bored tone. “I guess it’s a good time to tell you your aunt and sister are coming to visit.”

Ash stares. Eiji doesn’t drop his fork, but it’s a near thing. “Pardon?” he asks calmly, even though his hand is already shaking slightly.

Jim takes a bite from his steak and chews slowly. More than anything, Ash wants to reach and punch him in the mouth. “Madam Hideko has been wanting to visit for a while,” he says. “I invited them to stay with us for a week.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” Ash hisses between his teeth.

“I don’t have to share everything with you, Aslan,” Jim says icily. His cold blue eyes find Eiji again. “I suppose you already know you must show your aunt that you’re being properly taken care of here. I don’t want her to be displeased.”

Eiji looks at him with a blank look for a long moment. “Of course, sir.” he quietly says in the end.

Eiji doesn’t say anything when they’re in the car and Ash, afraid he’ll only upset him more if he forces a conversation, plays along. But as soon as they get home, Eiji quickly dials her sister’s number. He speaks in fast Japanese, so there’s no way Ash can understand him, but he waits patiently until Eiji finishes the call. When he hangs up almost an hour later, Eiji tiredly collapses on their bed and quickly blinks. “I don’t want Misa to come.”

Their desk lamp casts a faint light. Ash notices Eiji’s lashes are damp. “Baby—“

“I don’t want her here, Ash,” Eiji breathes in panic. “I don’t— I’m _powerless_ here. I can’t protect her if your father decides to do something to her. Oh God, Ash, what if—“

“Hey.” Ash gently but firmly cups his face between his palms. “Eiji… you’re _not_ powerless. You have me. Always. And I promise you I won’t let _anyone_ lay a hand on Misa.”

Eiji sobs quietly for the next few minutes, and he doesn’t protest when Ash eventually picks him up to give him a relaxing bath. Neither of them sleeps very well that night. Eiji twitches between his arms like he’s having bad dreams so Ash stays up all night to soothe him.

The day Madam Aoki and Misa arrive, Jim forbids them from going to the airport, so they nervously wait for them in the garden of mansion. Eiji’s hand tenses under Ash’s hand when they hear a car heading into the driveway.

Ash kisses his fingers softly. “It’s gonna be alright.”

Eiji nods once, lips tightly pressed together.

A young girl gets out of the car first, her chestnut color hair swinging in a ponytail. Her brown eyes— much lighter than Eiji’s—searches for someone before she quickly spots her older brother, yelling “ _Onii-chan!”_ and running straight into his arms. Eiji meets her halfway and _clings_ like he has no intention to let go.

The second person who gets out of the car is a middle aged woman.

She’s quite pale. That’s the first thing Ash notices about her, pale and beautiful. The red lipstick she has on her lips almost looks like _blood_. Her black hair is made in a professional bun.

This woman is the one who forced Eiji to marry him. This woman is the one who threatened his husband with his little sister if he didn’t accept this marriage. Ash hasn’t even spoken a word to her yet and he already hates her with a burning passion.

As if she can somehow sense it, Hideko Aoki’s hazel eyes fill with a cruel amusement.

Ash takes a step forward and briefly kisses her hand. “Madam Aoki. What an honor.”

“Such a gentleman.” Ash is not even surprised she has a silky smooth voice. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Ash tries not to bristle as she turns to Eiji, her eyebrows rising. “Dearest nephew. Won’t you give me a hug as well?”

Eiji slowly lets go of Misa, approaching his aunt in no hurry. Ash can see how tense he is when he puts his arms around her. “Auntie.”

Hideko murmurs something in Japanese but whatever she’s saying, Eiji doesn’t react to it. He pulls back as soon as he’s able to and returns to his sister’s side.

“You must be tired.” Ash says, keeping his voice as civil as he can. “Your rooms are waiting for you.”

Hideko acknowledges his words with a distant humming and starts heading inside without another word. Frowning, Ash is about to follow her when a female voice stops him. “You know, I’m also here.”

Ash immediately turns back and looks at the girl. _Dammit._ How could he forget greeting Misa?

He quickly makes his way to her side and kisses her hand in an exaggerated way, making the girl giggle. “Apologies, your grace. That was quite rude of me.” Ash bows down generously. “Aslan Callenreese, at your service.”

Misa rolls her eyes but it’s not an unkind gesture. “You are kind of a dork.”

“Misa!” Eiji scolds gently.

“It’s true!” Once again, Ash feels a little surprised to hear her accent since there’s almost no trace of accent in Eiji’s English. “But I suppose it’s fine as long as he makes you happy.”

Ash’s expression turns softer as he reaches out his arm for her. She easily accepts it. “Well, Misa, let’s take a walk and talk about how much I love your brother…”

When he looks above Misa’s shoulder, Ash sees Eiji’s watching them fondly, so for a short moment, he allows himself to think everything is going to be alright.

* * *

“This is such a lovely place.” his aunt says as she sips her red wine.

Eiji has to admit, it _is_ a nice place. Jim owns this restaurant—obviously, as if he’d let them go anywhere else—and it has a small elegant artificial lake filled with colorful flowers. Under different circumstances, Eiji would enjoy having dinner here.

Now though. Now he feels like there’s a knife inside his stomach.

“And to think it’s only one of the _many_ establishments Mr. Callenreese owns…” Hideko licks her lower lip. “They take care of you very well, don’t they, my little starshine?”

Eiji stays quiet.

Hideko smiles coyly. “Your husband is very enormous with you, I can certainly see that. Otherwise why would he agree to take Misa to the concert while we enjoy our dinner?”

Eiji still doesn’t answer.

His aunt sighs. “And you were just so a _ngry_ with me when—“

“Do you really expect a thank you, aunt Hideko?” Eiji’s voice is hard but he doesn’t raise his voice. “None of what you just said doesn’t change the fact you _sold_ me for your business purposes. I was lucky. Do you even wonder what would I do if Ash wasn’t a kind person?”

He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly losing his control like this but he’s just _so_ tired of pretending everything is fine.

Aunt Hideko sips her wine unhurriedly while her hazel eyes are trained on him. She carefully takes a single one from her famous expensive cigarettes. “Most of the time,” she says slowly. “It’s better to focus on what actually happened and not what might happen. You got yourself a handsome and kind husband and I got myself a nice deal. Everyone’s happy.”

“Oh, but you’re not.”

Hideko pauses as she exhales the smoke, eying him with a small curve of her lips. “What makes you say that?”

Eiji wets his lips. “Three nights ago, at the breakfast… Your hand gripped the butter knife tighter when Jim was talking about your business deal. I don’t know what happened, but you’re not happy with your current business deal.”

“My dearest boy…” She tilts her head to side and smiles. “I raised you well.”

 _You didn’t raise me at all,_ Eiji wants to say in disgust. _Mother and father raised me._ Instead, he just shuts his mouth and waits.

Hideko exhales another long smoke, this time looking displeased. “You’re not wrong. Mr. Callenreese offered me more when we made this deal. I don’t know what his problem is now.”

 _Because he got what he wanted,_ Eiji doesn’t say.

“Believe me, there are a lot of other young and rich men in Japan.” Hideko says casually, like Eiji has to agree he could’ve been sold for a higher price. Anger starts boiling in his veins. “I would’ve married you to one of them if I knew James Callenreese was going to give me so _little._ ”

Eiji opens his mouth to unleash his fury.

And closes it.

Suddenly, something so insane takes shape inside his head that he feels dizzy.

“What if I tell you there’s a way you can get more from this deal?”

Aunt Hideko blinks, confusion swimming inside her hazel eyes. The light coming from the lake reflects on her white bandana. “How?” she asks slowly.

Eiji pauses for a while before he speaks again because he feels nauseous. _What am I doing, what am I doing, what—_

“You know Ash is his only child now,” he whispers, almost inaudible. But Aunt Hideko _hears_ him, judging by the way her eyes gets bigger. “One day, everything will be his. And mine. I’m sure I can do something better for my own aunt.”

Hideko stares at him with a slightly open mouth. Then, she laughs so loudly that she startles a sleeping dog. Eiji claps his hands together to hide the fact they’re shaking terribly.

“Well, well, well…” Hideko smugly takes another big sip from her wine. “My little nephew is all grown up and making deals with his aunt… Tell me, what do you want in return?”

Eiji lets out a shaky breath, eyes trained on his lap. “I wanna leave this country.”

He can almost see Hideko’s frown without needing to lift his head. “I told you Eiji, if you leave Aslan Callenreese—“

“I meant _with him_.” Eiji corrects firmly as he meets her icy eyes. “I wanna leave with Ash. Can you promise you won’t hide Misa from me if I leave with Ash?”

Hideko looks at him for a long time. “You think he will come with you?”

“Yes.” Eiji says confidently. “He will.”

His aunt finally finishes her wine and puts out her cigarette, reaching out to cup Eiji’s cheek. Her long nail sinks into his skin. “Tell you what, starshine,” she tells softly. “I’ll accept this crazy deal only because I’m awfully curious. So, convince Ash to leave the country with you and offer me a better deal, and I’ll make sure you can see Misa whenever you want.”

The relief and fear attacks his emotions at the same time. Eiji almost sobs. “Thank you, thank you auntie.”

Hideko caresses his cheek gently. “Let’s hope you won’t disappoint me. Otherwise you know what will happen.”

That night, Eiji can barely focus as Ash and Misa excitedly tell him about how their night went. Thankfully, they’re both so exhausted that they decide to go to bed after a quick conversation.

Eiji’s stomach is tangled in horrible knots but he forces himself to open his mouth. “Ash, what exactly is keeping you here?”

Ash is just about change his shirt when he stops and looks at Eiji in confusion. “I don’t think I’m following, my love.”

“I mean…” Eiji takes a deep breath before he continues. “What’s the reason we are still here? In New York? Under your father’s thumb? Why don’t we just go away like Yue and Sing did?”

Ash’s mouth is hanging open, his posture completely frozen. After a few painful seconds, he slowly walks towards him and sits down on the bed.

“Because,” he explains slowly. “I don’t know what Jim will do to Griffin if we leave.”

“But what if,” Eiji whispers breathlessly. “What if we take Griffin with us and go to some place where no one will find us?”

Ash looks like he’s using his ability to talk. “Eiji—“ he says. “Your aunt—“

“Already took care of it,” Eiji takes his husband’s face between his palms and notices how he’s shaking. “We just have to bribe her. She’ll let me see Misa if I gave her my own shares from the company and believe me, I don’t give a damn about it.”

Mere seconds later, tears start flowing from Ash’s beautiful jade eyes. “We can leave?” he asks in a little voice, almost childlike. “We can leave everything behind us?”

Eiji laughs wetly as he kisses Ash’s tears away. “Yeah, baby,” he sniffs. “We can.”

He doesn’t know for how long they cry in each other’s embrace, soothing each other with kisses, but Ash is completely exhausted when they finally go to bed.

“Where will we go?” Ash murmurs into Eiji’s chest before he falls asleep.

Eiji buries his nose into the golden hair. “Izumo.”

* * *

 The day they are going to leave, Ash asks all of their staff to leave the house.

“There’s a horrible bug problem in the various rooms of the mansion.” he says seriously as an explanation. “Even in my office… We immediately need a disinfestation.”

“Sir, let me take care of it.” says a man Eiji sees in the garden from time to time. “There’s no need you should get involved in such—“

“If you had already done your job properly.” Ash interrupts in a frosty tone. “I wouldn’t need to intervene. Just do as I say.”

The man goes red in the face and doesn’t say anything else.

When they are finally alone in the giant mansion, Eiji quietly settles on an armchair as Ash wanders inside the house with empty eyes. He comes back eventually, and puts his head on Eiji’s lap. Eiji starts caressing his hair before Ash even asks him to.

“Is it weird…” Ash starts absently. “That I feel absolutely nothing about this house? I mean, I should at least feel nostalgic, I grew up here. Instead I just feel… empty.”

Eiji closes his eyes briefly. “You’ve also suffered a lot here, baby.”

Ash is quiet for a moment. “Yes.” He slowly straightens up and rubs his nose against Eiji’s. “But no more. From now on, we get to be happy. Happy and free.”

Eiji feels his smile on his lips when they kiss.

They only make two hand luggages because they both agree it’s best to keep a low profile. When it gets dark outside, Ash takes a look at his watch and curses. “Damn it. I still haven’t taken care of the tickets in case someone got suspicious. We still haven’t finished packing…”

Eiji looks at scattered photos on the table. He knows Ash doesn’t want to leave his mother’s photographs here.

“Tell you what,” he says confidently. “You go first and take care of it. I’ll quickly join you once I pack everything.”

“No way.” Ash shakes his head anxiously. “I’m sure we can—“

“Listen to me.” Eiji grabs his face gently and kisses him. “We need to leave _tonight._ And that means we have to be quick. Now go. I promise I’ll be fine.”

Ash still looks unsure, but he nods anyway and leaves the house.

Now that Ash is gone too, the big mansion looks strangely eerie to Eiji. Feeling on the edge, he moves fast inside the house to get everything Ash needs: three big photo albums, a few journals Amma kept about the growing process of her sons, an old cassette tape of Nina Simone… Just as he’s about to leave the house, Eiji realizes he’s left his phone on the third floor. Sighing uneasily, he runs back to grab it.

When he goes down the stairs again, his heart stops beating.

Jim Callenreese is sitting in the living room. There is an open photo album on his lap as he examines it while he smokes a cigar.

“I remember this day.” he says gruffly. “We were having a picnic near the lake. Amity prepared all the food by herself, said she wanted to feel like 'a normal person' for one day. Griffin and I were playing badminton while Ash was helping Amma.” He closes the photo album. “You know, it’s a little sad to remember how hard he struggled to earn Amma’s love. She loved him, I suppose, but at the end of the day, Griff was still her favorite…”

Eiji is still frozen. “What are you doing here?”

Jim looks incredibly calm. “Visiting the mansion I own, of course.” His eyes shifts to the bags near Eiji’s feet. “Going somewhere?”

Eiji starts shaking from head to toe. As secretly as he can, he unlocks his phone behind him without looking and tries to speed dial Ash's number while Jim takes another drag from his cigar.

“Bug problem… Not a bad excuse, I guess, but it’s a little useless when every single employee of this house gives me reports.” Jim smiles, and it’s the ugliest sight Eiji’s ever seen. “I can’t believe Ash really thought he could leave without getting caught. It’s truly annoying how little acts of kindness only cause troubles in the long run. For example, I didn’t make a noise about him taking you to Annecy to meet Griffin even though I strictly forbade it, and now he gets this insane idea that he can run away.”

Eiji's breathing hitches. “ _You knew?_ ”

“I knew. I know _everything._ I’m surprised you didn’t learn it by now.” Jim sighs deeply. “You know, it pains me to say this but I was wrong about you, Mr. Okumura. I thought you would be an elite, proper husband for Aslan but then you started putting all sort of crazy thoughts into my boy’s head…”

A burning hatred bursts from Eiji’s eyes. He clenches his fist.

“Not to mention your greedy aunt, who actually thought she could scheme behind my back. What a joke!” He pulls something from his pocket and throws it on the carpet.

Eiji doesn’t register what is at first but when he does, he falls into his knees.

It’s Aunt Hideko’s white bandana. The one she wore at the dinner when they made that deal. And now it’s stained with blood.

“ _You.”_ Eiji can’t even breathe as tears suddenly starts dripping from his eyes. No matter how poisonous she was, Aunt Hideko was the person who took care of them after their parents died. And now this man, this _monster—_ “You killed her!”

“I did. Shame your little sister is nowhere to be found. I guess Madam Hideko felt the danger and hid her.”

“ _I’ll fucking kill you!”_ Eiji screams in mad rage, and a small part of his brain is terrified how much he actually means it. “I swear I’m gonna kill you if you even think about touching her.”

Jim puts out his cigar without taking his cold blue eyes off Eiji. “No,” he says calmly. “ _I’m_ gonna kill you.”

Eiji only has one second to retreat as the man lunges at him with all of his anger. He yelps as Jim catches him from his elbow but Eiji manages to get rid of him with one smooth move. He doesn’t succeed for long because Jim roughly pulls his hair this time, causing Eiji to hit the floor hardly.

 _Dancer legs, dancer legs,_ Eiji thinks frantically and kicks Jim with all he has. Jim groans in pain and lets go of him, screaming _“You fucking whore!”_ as Eiji runs downstairs.

The pain of being slammed into the floor is making him dizzy, but Eiji doesn’t stop running. He’s aware Jim is closely following him, so he immediately tugs the handle of door.

His whole body turns into ice when he realizes the door is locked.

Before he can even think about trying the garden door, two giant hands grab his throat. “You’re trapped.” Jim wheezes into his ear and then starts choking him.

Tears start leaking from eyes again and he uselessly hits Jim, but the man’s grip is way too tight for Eiji. _It hurts so bad,_ he thinks. _Ash, Misa… Please, please, I’m dying._

And then, suddenly, it’s over.

Eiji heaves desperately as the hands leave his throat, gasping and gasping until the air fills into his lungs. A second later, he distantly hears a horrible crack and Jim Callenreese’s limp body hits the floor.

Unhurried, calm steps approach him and someone easily picks him up from the floor to carry him to the couch. Eiji is still trying to breathe when a shadow falls over him and his eyes widen impossibly.

“It’s okay, Mr. Okumura.” Blanca says in a friendly manner, extending him a glass of water. “You’re in shock. Come on, drink this.”

Eiji doesn’t move, still shaking like a leaf, so Blanca gently lifts his head and makes him sip the water. His eyes doesn’t leave the man’s face even for a second.

“He can’t hurt you anymore.” Blanca says carefully, like he's talking to a child. “No need to look frightened. I won’t hurt you either.”

The door bangs open suddenly and Eiji jumps. Ash walks in, looking pale as a ghost, and barely glances at his father’s lifeless body before he immediately takes Eiji between his arms.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Ash whispers over and over again as Eiji breaks down between his arms. He doesn’t know how much time passes. Maybe seconds, maybe days.

“Misa?” Eiji’s voice comes out broken and hoarse, terror filling into his heart once again.

The answer comes from Blanca. “Your sister is fine, Mr. Okumura. She’s back in Japan.”

Silence.

Eiji’s whisper is miserable. “What will we do now?”

“Well, I guess me and Natasha will go back to being on the run now that I killed one of the most important men in the business world.” The fake cheer in Blanca’s voice is painfully obvious but when Eiji takes a peek at him, he sees the man is smiling softly. “It’s okay. As long as I have my wife by my side, it’s okay.”

“No.” Ash says suddenly.

Eiji looks at him but Ash seems so far away as he looks at Jim with a blank expression on his face.

“He’s dead now.” he says simply. “We don’t have to do anything.”

* * *

 

**TERRIFIYING FIRE IN THE CALLENREESE MANSION!**

By Madeline Forman

_Yesterday, the business world got shaken with a horrible tragedy.  James Callenreese (65), one of the most important names of the business market, died in a fire that started in his old mansion._

_According to our sources, the mansion that originally belonged to James Callenreese, was given to Mr. Callenreese’s son Aslan J. Callenreese (23) and his husband Eiji Okumura (25) for them to live in it. It was recently emptied for disinfestation and while J.C, A.C and E.O were still inside, a fire suddenly broke out, supposedly because of one of Mr. Callenreese’s cigars._

_According to the police report, James Callenreese fell down the stairs while he was trying to escape and broke his neck. Aslan Callenreese and his husband Eiji Okumura are thankfully alive, but it’s noted they are still recovering from the trauma and plenty of damage from the fire._

_“It is indeed a sad day for Callenreese family,” the family lawyer, Marcus Dawson, told in the press conference. “We kindly ask you to respect the family’s privacy during this painful period. Additional explanations will be given to you in time but right now, Mr. Aslan Callenreese is suffering greatly from the loss of his father and his old house. We hope you can understand.”_

_It is unknown whether Aslan J. Callenreese and Eiji Okumura will keep living in New York after this horrible incident._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i normally wouldn't ask it from you but this chapter was really REALLY really difficult for me to write, so i'll be forever grateful if you leave even a three word comment. 💖
> 
> see you in final chapter angels!


	10. vespertine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dearest readers... i don't even have the words to express how sorry i am. i sincerly apologize for making you wait this much. i really wanted to post the final chapter much, much sooner but due to some personal issues and struggling with writer's block, it got delivered a little late. :(
> 
> this chapter was heavily inspried by björk's masterpiece album "vespertine", so i had to name the final chapter after it. especially the songs "frosti" and "pagan poetry music box version" were on loop for the most part when i wrote this chapter. so you can use it as a background music if you want. :)
> 
> alright, enough talking. i hope you like the finale! ❤️

**The Callenreese Family: Where Are They Now?**

_It’s been two years since the horrible fire that resulted in the death of James Callenreese and burning of the old Callenreese mansion, which begs the question: Where are Aslan Callenreese and his husband Eiji Okumura-Callenreese now?_

_Due to the couple choosing to spend the rest of their lives away from the press, it’s unknown where they live at the moment but one thing is almost certain: They are somewhere in Japan. Shortly before their move, Aslan Callenreese released a public statement and announced that he donated 70% of his wealth to various charities. “No human being needs this much money and certainly not me and my husband.” said Mr. Callenreese and politely asked the world to respect their privacy._

_Wherever they are now, we wish Aslan and Eiji a very happy life and once again, thank them for their generosity._

* * *

It’s the coldest winter they have since they moved here.

Snow covers their lovely garden like a silky white sheet. The delicate snowflakes Ash sees on the petals of primroses remind him of powdered sugar. At nights, the snow silently beats their thick glass windows as Ash adoringly coats his husband’s body with hot kisses.

Something about winter turns them bolder. Wilder.

Eiji sighs in a coy seductiveness, his nails sinking into Ash’s back like he’s a pleased cat. “It’s so cold.” he complains quietly, even though their home is warm enough, even though there’s no barrier between him and Ash, even though Ash is _inside_ him. “I wish you would warm me up…”

Ash stares deep into that dark brown gems and tenderly, unhurriedly, presses his lips to Eiji’s beautiful neck, knowing exactly what he’s asking for. “Gladly.”

Then, everything is even more intense. His thrusts are faster and deeper. Eiji’s moans are more breathless and erratic. The whole world brightens with a white-scarlet pleasure behind Ash’s eyelids as they get lost in each other’s body for countless hours.

In the morning, Ash wakes up alone but the faint music coming from inside the house lets him know where Eiji is before his mind even has a chance to wonder. Groaning a little, he stretches out and puts his morning robe on.

It’s no secret how much Ash likes to sleep in the mornings but he’ll gladly give up on his precious sleep hours if it means he gets to see Eiji dancing.

Nefertiti elegantly rubs into his ankles the moment Ash gets out of their bedroom, but she quickly runs away like the diva cat queen she is the moment Ash makes a move to pet her. Buddy, of course, is the opposite. He immediately lies down on the floor for a belly rub when he spots Ash and Nefertiti, jealous of the attention he’s receiving, comes back to demand petting. Ash can’t help but snort in amusement.

“Are you guys hungry?” he asks innocently.

Buddy woofs. Nefertiti lets out a long, displeased meow.

“See, I know you’re both lying because it’s nine in the morning and you would burn this house down if Eiji didn’t already feed you.” Ash says fondly but he still gives each one of them a treat, because, well, these are his babies.

Then, he starts moving in the direction of music. Like he expected, Eiji doesn’t stop dancing when Ash gently turns the door handle and walks inside. He rests his back against the wall and watches his husband with bright eyes.

It’s amazing, how Eiji manages to look even more beautiful than usual when he’s dancing. In the past two years, Ash observed carefully as the constant shadowy sadness Eiji used to carry in his body slowly vanished. Both of them are still wounded, still haunted by their shared thorny past, but they are _free_ now. They are healing. No matter how many bad memories or nightmares they have to fight together, they don’t have to go back to that world.

And it’s worth everything.

Eiji finishes his dance with one last elegant move and then gives Ash the prettiest smile in the world. “How was it?”

_Breathtaking as usual._ Instead of saying this, Ash purses his lips teasingly. “I don’t know, Mr. Eiji. Some of your moves was too stiff.”

Eiji’s smile doesn’t falter. “Oh, you see, Mr. Aslan… Someone was rather rough with my body last night. That might be the reason.”

Ash splutters as his face turns crimson red. “ _You asked for it!_ ”

Eiji’s laughter rings like wind bell, peppering Ash’s face with little kisses while he wraps his arms around Ash’s neck. “You’re so fun to tease, I can’t help it.”

Ash sends him a reproachful look but still presses a kiss against Eiji’s sweaty hairline. “Take a shower before you hurt your muscles.”

“But I’m hungry.” Eiji complains.

Ash kisses him again. “Shower first. Breakfast later.”

Eiji is in a clingy mood today so Ash gently carries him to the shower. Even covered in sweat, Eiji is the most gorgeous creature he’s ever seen. Ash innocently presses a few kisses across his husband’s shoulders and smirks when Eiji turns around to kiss him properly. But before their mouths can meet, Eiji’s stomach grumbles loudly, causing him to look ashamed.

It’s Ash turn to laugh. “Alright, why don’t you take a quick shower? I’ll fix us a breakfast.”

Eiji hums. “Thanks baby.”

Ash still can’t claim he’s an expert at cooking but he’s been learning in the last two years. Right now, he knows Eiji can use an energizer breakfast since he’s been practicing ballet for God knows how many hours. He leaves his own coffee to brew and makes Eiji tea in the meantime. He’s just in the middle of making an omelet when Eiji emerges from the shower and drapes himself over Ash’s back like a comfy blanket.

“Oooh, eggs and cheese toast.” he observes happily. “Trying to fatten me up?”

Ash snorts lightly. “I mean, you’re as light as a feather. You could use a few pounds, my love.”

“Fair.”

They eat their breakfast in a comfortable silence with occasional chatter. Buddy and Nefertiti make their way into the kitchen at some point and look at them with accusing eyes, as if to say _“How can you guys eat without us?”_ Eiji jokingly scolds them by reminding they already had a very filling breakfast.

Ash offers to do the dishes but Eiji insists on doing them, saying he’ll feel drowsy for the rest of the day if he doesn’t move around a little. Upon this, Ash drops a kiss to his still half-wet hair and carries his feet to his office to answer some e-mails.

First, he opens the weekly report from Griffin’s rehabilitation center.

_Greetings Mr. Aslan,_

_Griffin had a pretty productive week! Ever since he got back most of his motor skills back, he’s been fond of painting. He wants to spend most of his day by that way and we let him, but of course we’re careful about not tiring him too much._

_He still has a long way on gaining back his ability to speak properly but he’s also made a lot of process on it. He regularly says “Thank you, good morning, no please, yes please.” and a few more basic sentences._

_Like we discussed before, most of his problems are based on the emotional trauma rather than the effects of his accident._

_We’re attaching a video for you to see his paintings. We are excited to see you soon for your monthly visits. Please give Mr. Eiji our greetings as well._

Ash’s eyes are glassy as he opens the video but a few happy tears finally escape when he sees his big brother shyly showing the paintings he’s made to his caretaker. His fingers reach to the screen, caressing Griffin’s face lightly. He’s so happy he’ll get to see him again soon.

Ash still remembers the day he told Max his best friend is still alive when he, Jessica and their son came to visit them in Japan. Max had been angry at first, furious even, thinking Ash was just playing a cruel prank on him. An hour long drive to Griff’s rehabilitation center was one of the most tense experiences of Ash’s life.

When Max finally saw Griffin in blood and flesh, he just stood there for a few painful minutes before he threw himself to Griffin’s feet and started crying violently. Ash also cried silently as he watched them but Griff didn’t shed a single tear that day, just petted Max’s hair for hours to comfort him with a warm smile on his face.

Ash sighs a little as he moves to another important e-mail. His whole body goes rigid in mere moments and he grabs his phone in an almost manic panic.

“Relax.” is Blanca’s first word when he picks up.

“How can I relax?” Ash snaps. “Why the hell am I blowing tons of money to that security team if they are incapable of doing their job?”

“Ash,” Blanca says calmly but Ash can picture him pinching his nose bridge right now. “It was just one guy who was trying to sell the news to the magazine and I took care of it before he could even act. Stop freaking out.”

Ash lets out a long breath. Sometimes it’s too easy to forget. Easy to forget how their life was before they moved to this safe haven. Easy to ignore the messages he still gets from the old acquaintances in New York, begging him to come back to the business world.

Easy to pretend like the press doesn’t haunt them anymore, like he didn’t hire a security team to protect their private life from hungry eyes.

“Ash.” Blanca says again, and this time his voice is oddly smooth. “You know _your_ security directly affects me. I would never let someone pry into your business.”

A cold tremor runs its finger on Ash’s spine. For a moment, he can vividly picture a man with twisted neck and wide open eyes—

“Yes, I know,” Ash replies tensely. “Take care, Blanca. Give Natasha my love.”

“Will do.”

Ash stands frozen in the middle of his office for a while after he hangs up, but eventually, he lightly shakes his head and heads to the living room again. Eiji’s already done the dishes and is wrapping up his call with Ibe-san when Ash walks in.

“Thank you, Ibe-san. I will call you again soon.” Eiji says respectfully in his native language. Ash’s Japanese still isn’t in a level he wants to achieve, but he’s still proud of himself for understanding Eiji’s words.

Eiji smiles at him. “I sent Ibe-san the photos I took on our last trip.”

Ash sits on the couch and takes Eiji’s legs to his lap. Immediately, Nefertiti jumps into the couch and sits on Eiji’s legs. Ash suppresses a sigh. “What did he think?”

“Well,” Eiji says shyly. “He praised them but I think he’s a little biased.”

“Is he?” Ash asks teasingly, rubbing one of Eiji’s ankle. “Or are you just talented and deserve every single of his praising?”

“ _Ash, stooop.”_ Eiji whines and covers his face with his small hands. Nefertiti somehow takes this as an invitation to settle on Eiji’s chest. Laughing, Ash stands up and presses a lingering kiss on Eiji’s hair before he moves into the kitchen to make both of them hot cocoa. When it’s done, he goes back to living room and puts them on the coffee table to wait as they cool down a little bit.

Eiji is looking to his phone again. “Oh,” he says. “Misa-chan wants to Facetime us tonight.”

Ash makes a humming sound. It has been hard on Eiji to watch Misa move back to Tokyo for college, but thankfully he’s adapting well now. “Sounds good to me. I miss that brat.”

“Don’t let her hear you call her that,” Eiji singsongs and reaches out to take his cocoa. Their darling cat is displeased by the movement, so she jumps from the couch to the floor to find Buddy and bother him instead, making them giggle.

They quiet down a little bit as they sip their cocoa. Ash uses the silence to admire Eiji’s beautiful face while his husband thoughtfully circles the mouth of his mug.

Just like Ash expected, Eiji speaks hesitantly a moment later. “I’m going to ask you something and you definitely don’t have to say yes if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Ash frowns, setting his mug down on the table again. “What is it, bambi?”

Eiji looks at him for a while and then sighs. “Sing and Yut-Lung are planning to come to Izumo to see me. And I… was wondering if you would be okay with them staying in our home.”

Ash stares.

“Yut-Lung said they can also stay in a hotel.” Eiji continues softly. “He said he doesn’t want to disturb you, so they are still waiting an answer from me so they can buy their tickets.”

Ash has been aware that this weird… friendship between Eiji and Yut-Lung never went away. Once they escaped to Izumo, Eiji reconnected with Yut-Lung and ever since then, they’ve always been in touch, even if they didn’t see each other in person. Ash also still talks to Sing— because he knows Shorter and Eiji would be very disappointed in him if he doesn’t, and it’s not like he has a personal problem with Sing. He likes the guy.

Yut-Lung, on the other hand, is another story. Another wound.

He startles a little when Eiji’s hand cups his cheek. “You don’t have to say yes, my love,” he murmurs gently. “They can stay in a hotel and I can meet them without involving you…”

“Yes.” Ash shakes his head. “No. I mean—“ Frustrated, he passes a hand through his hair. It’s almost too long for him now, he even uses it in a mini ponytail. But Eiji likes it, _really_ likes it, so Ash won’t get a haircut anytime soon. “Yes, they can stay in our home.”

Eiji bites his lower lip. “You don’t feel like you have to say yes, right?”

At this, Ash gently wraps his arms around his waist. “I think it’s time to face my past with Yut-Lung.”

* * *

Something funny happens when they’re at the airport.

Yut-Lung is anxiously braiding and then disentangling his hair before they even boarded but Sing can’t exactly blame him. Eleven— almost thirteen if you count the flight from Tokyo to Izumo too— hours in the air _does not_ sound good.

They’re sipping unnecessarily expensive airport coffee in the waiting room when two teenage girls approach them. Sing gathers himself a little but the girls only have eyes for his boyfriend.

“Excuse me, sir.” the braver looking girl says while the shy one partly hides behind her. “Can we ask you a question?”

Yut-Lung looks wary upon the question. Sing knows he still gets nervous when strangers tries to talk to him, even if they’re two harmless looking girls. He lightly squeezes his hand and Yut-Lung gives the girls a half-smile. “Sure thing.”

“We were wondering if your hair is real.”

Silence.

Sing doesn’t manage to suppress his snort of amusement quickly enough and Yut-Lung sends him a frosty glance. But after getting to know him like the palm of his hand over the years, Sing can easily tell Yut-Lung is also amused by the question.

“Yes.” he replies, very politely. “It is very real.”

The girls gasp with excitement. “I knew it!” the shy –well, not so shy now— girl exclaims happily. “Sir please give us some tips! It’s _sooo_ long and shiny!”

“Well,” Yut-Lung says seriously, leaning slightly forward. “Normally it’s top secret information but you girls are very sweet so listen carefully…”

He talks with the girls until their flight is announced and Sing watches the entire conversation fondly. When their time to leave comes, the girls insist on giving Yut-Lung a kiss on the cheek. His boyfriend’s cheeks are rosy with happiness as they get in the line for ticket control.

“What?” he snaps when Sing catches his eye, but there’s no real heat behind the words.

Sing smirks, pressing a long kiss on top of Yut-Lung’s head. “They were right. You have _gorgeous_ hair. Then again, every inch of you is gorgeous.”

Yut-Lung’s blush deepens. “Flatterer.”

“Only for you, mooncake.”

Once they settle in their seats, Yue rests his head on his shoulder and quickly drops off. Sing envies him, but fails to fall asleep as well so he puts his headphones on and listens to some music. He doesn’t know how long he does that but at some point his headphones slip from his ears and he doesn’t make a move to plug them back, eyelids getting heavy with sleep.

He’s right in middle of sleep and awakeness when Yut-Lung whispers. “I’m scared.”

Sing is instantly wide awake. Turning his head slowly to not disturb his boyfriend, he whispers back. “What for, doll?”

“It’s just…” Yut-Lung lightly clears his throat before he continues, his beautiful black eyes looking lost. “It’s been too long, Sing. I don’t know if we’re doing the right thing. I don’t know if Ash is gonna forgive me.”

Sing lifts one arm up and immediately, Yut-Lung sidles into his embrace like an affectionate cat, breathing him in deeply. “I don’t know either and that’s why we have to try.” he admits softly. “I know I love you. I know Eiji loves you. And I’m almost certain even after everything… Ash loves you too.”

“You can’t know this.” Yut-Lung’s voice is bitter. “I hurt him so much.”

“And he hurt you so much too.” Sing says gently. “How do you know he doesn’t have his regrets?”

Yut-Lung chooses to stay silent.

Another couple of hours in the air must've numb Yut-Lung’s nerves, because he lays comfortably between Sing’s arms until they land, passing the remaining time watching a horrible movie. But the moment they board from Tokyo to Izumo, his face closes off again.

“It’s gonna be alright.” Sing tries to comfort him, but for some reason –maybe because they’re fucking exhausted, maybe because Yut-Lung is feeling pretty nervous— it falls horribly flat.

Yue still gives him a small kiss on the cheek.

When they finally, _finally,_ land in Izumo; they both look like zombies. “Too bright,” Yut-Lung complains about the sunlight. “Fucking time zones.” Sing would laugh at his boyfriend’s pout if he wasn’t practically dead on his feet.

They take their stuff from baggage claim. Sing is wondering if he should call Eiji now when Yut-Lung silently taps his shoulder and points out someone.

It’s like time merely passed its fingers through Eiji’s body because he still looks like the same graceful man Sing met almost three years ago. Only, he can clearly see how much _happier_ Eiji looks. Brightness is overflowing from his presence.

As if he can feel their eyes on him, Eiji slowly turns his head to their direction. A big, warm smile spreads on his face and he starts speeding up towards them. “Yue! Sing!”

Yut-Lung wraps his arms around Eiji at once and _clings._ Seeing them like this again brings a lump to Sing’s throat. He remembers very well how important Eiji’s support was for them to adapt to their new life and now, meeting him again brings back so many good memories.

“Oh Yue, you’re as pretty as ever.” Eiji says softly, caressing his friend’s back.

Yut-Lung chokes out a little laugh, finally moving back. “I know,” he says while he tries to secretly dry his tears. “I’m the only bitch in this world who can manage to look fabulous after a thirteen hour long flight.”

Eiji laughs genuinely before he throws himself at Sing. “And you!” he gasps. “As tall as ever! You’re practically a tree!”

Sing speaks in his most serious fake-respectful tone. “Or maybe you’re just too short, sir.”

He grins when Eiji tries to elbow him in the stomach like he expected.

“My God, let’s go home,” Eiji says after he pulls back. “You guys look dead on your feet.”

“You have no idea,” Sing murmurs as he takes their suitcases.

He sees Eiji has a nice but not too fancy car outside, waiting for them. At this point, Ash’s absence is more than clear. Sing finally decides to ask when he notices Yut-Lung anxiously wrapping a finger around his hair. “Where’s Ash?”

Eiji bites his lips. “He wanted me to give you his apologies. He had a thing he needed to handle, so he’ll only join us late at night.”

“That’s fine.” Sing replies in a friendly tone. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Yut-Lung’s shoulders visibly relaxing.

Eiji does the most of talking on their way to the house since Yut-Lung practically falls asleep in the back. Sing answers Eiji’s chatter occasionally but more than anything, his eyes are drawn to the amazing scenery. Eiji smiles like an angel when he tells him this.

Yut-Lung wakes up just as they pull up in the driveway. Sing gets out of the car to take their suitcases and lets out a low whistle when his eyes fall on the house.

It’s not huge, by all means. Its size is nothing compared to the previous mansion they lived in. But it’s clear Ash and Eiji spent a lot of money on this cozy and elegant looking house. Front porch is sparkling with various flowers –even in winter— and Sing can barely see the winter garden behind the house.

“Let’s head inside.” Eiji urges softly.

Sweet and warm air hits their faces the moment they step inside. Sing’s losing himself in the smell of peanut butter cookies when he hears an excited bark. He immediately falls onto his knees to hug the friendly golden retriever.

“Hello sweetie, hi.” Sing coos at the dog’s panting face. Even Yut-Lung, an established cat person, gives the dog a few pats on the head.

“Buddy is such a kind boy.” Eiji says in a proud manner. “Although I can’t say the same about the cat. I don’t know where she is, she only makes an appearance when she wants to.”

“As she should be.” Yut-Lung says smugly, but then he sways on where’s standing and Sing quickly catches him.

“Yue, I already prepared your bedroom.” Eiji quickly comes to support him. “Would you like to sleep a little?”

Yut-Lung looks a little hesitant. “I mean, I’m already jet-lagged. It’ll fuck up my sleep pattern even more.”

Sing presses a gentle kiss to his temple. “I’ll wake you up a few hours later.”

With Yut-Lung finally agreeing, Eiji tells Sing to wait for him in the living room while he shows Yut-Lung the way. Buddy turns out to be a smart dog as he leads Sing there and then jumps into his lap the moment Sing sits down on the comfy couch. Sing buries his hand to his silky fur and closes his eyes for a little nap…

He wakes up to the smell of coffee and cookies, Buddy still on his lap. Eiji gives him a little smile when he extends Sing his cup of coffee. He can’t stop himself from feeling emotional when he realizes Eiji still remembers how he takes his coffee.

“He fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.” Eiji giggles.

Sing huffs a laugh. “I mean, I can’t blame him. I’ll probably fall asleep in the shower.”

Eiji wrinkles his nose. “Please don’t. You just got here, I don’t want you to drown in the shower.”

Sing lets out a genuine laugh at this, then takes a sip from his mug. It tastes heavenly.

“You know…” Eiji says softly. “It’s really nice to see you guys again…”

He looks at him for a long time while he continues slowly petting Buddy. “You…” Sing starts hesitantly. “You never told us what actually happened.”

Eiji’s beautiful face tenses for a brief moment before he sighs deeply. “Where do I start…”

Sing’s coffee is finished by the time Eiji stops talking. The air inside is warm, and his coffee was also hot, yet Sing feels cold from head to toe. He hides his shaking fingers in Buddy’s fur. “That’s…”

“I know.” Eiji whispers when his voice trails off.

“We guessed something else happened.” Sing finally chokes out the words. “Something other than what the press said. But this… This must’ve been a nightmare for you.”

“I don’t want to think about it anymore.” Eiji’s voice is thick with tears. “I really, really don’t.” Frustrated, he wipes his tears away and gives Sing another little smile. “Tell me about your life in Berlin.”

So Sing does, in an unhurried and soft tone. He talks of his graduation from university this year, of his part time job as a barista, of Yut-Lung teaching Cantonese to various people for a living, of anything and everything.

When he finishes, Eiji sighs very lightly. “Do you ever fear all of this is just a temporary dream? That we’ll wake up eventually?”

“No.” Sing’s answer is quick and certain. “This is real. And we deserve it.”

* * *

 A wet touch to his cheek wakes him up.

At first, Yut-Lung is so, _so_ confused; so he keeps his eyes closed. But when a minute or two passes and the feeling of someone _licking_ his cheek continues, he gradually opens is eyes and meets with a pair of pitch black eyes.

“Oh hello,” Yut-Lung coos, voice still raspy from sleeping. “You came to bless me?”

The beautiful cat purrs and rubs her little head under Yut-Lung’s chin. Their bliss doesn’t last long, however, when the door opens and Eiji walks in with a disapproving look on his face. “Nefertiti, how did you even get in here? Are you harassing our guest?”

Nefertiti makes an annoyed sound. Yut-Lung quickly pets her black fur. “Not harassment, little dove. She was just making sure about customer happiness.”

Eiji chuckles, sitting on the bed to pet the cat as well. “What a good girl.” Quietly, he asks: “Do you miss Persephone?”

An old twinge grips Yut-Lung’s heart. “Everyday. But she’s happy with Shorter and Cain now, I don’t want to snatch her from her home again.”

Eiji hums in understanding. Together, they pet Nefertiti for a while before she gets bored of the attention and leaves the room in a sudden movement. They look after her with surprised eyes before bursting into laugher.

“You look better,” Eiji says gently once their laughter fades away. “Sleep must’ve helped.”

“Oh definitely,” Yut-Lung grunts, stretching on the bed like a big cat. “I feel sixty percent more human now.”

Eiji huffs a laugh, but then he looks down on him with a serious look in his dark brown eyes. “Ash came back, by the way.”

The effect of his words is immediate. For a long, painful moment, Yut-Lung lays frozen on the bed. “Can I take a shower before I meet him?” he asks slowly.

Eiji’s mouth curls with an unhappy frown. “Yue, please don’t act like you’re a man on death sentence. You don’t have to talk to him if you—“

“Well, it’d be quite ridiculous if I don’t speak with him when I came all this way to stay in his house, don’t you think?” Yut-Lung snaps at him, old anger coming to surface, but his voice softens in the next sentence. “I _want_ to talk to him. But I’ll take a shower first.”

Eiji looks at him for a long moment before he stands up. “I’ll put some clean towels for you.”

Yut-Lung doesn’t see Sing before or after his shower. He’s a little disappointed, but he knows it’s a good thing because he’s not sure he wouldn’t hide himself in Sing’s huge embrace if he saw him.

When he’s done, Yut-Lung puts his long hair in a bun and takes a few minutes to just breathe in and out before he leaves the room.

He finds Ash easily enough. Snow started falling again when he was asleep but it’s mostly mixed with heavy rain. Nefertiti is napping on the couch while Ash absently pets her as he watches the rain outside.

Like Eiji, Ash also didn’t change a lot. Maybe his features are a little sharper now. His hair is definitely longer, but nowhere near as long as Yut-Lung’s.

Then Ash turns his head and their eyes meet.

After a few painfully awkward seconds, Ash gives him a light nod. “Hello, Yut-Lung. I apologize for not welcoming you at the airport.”

“It’s fine.” Yut-Lung’s voice sounds too high pitched even for his own ears. “Eiji said you had a thing to handle.”

“I did.”

They quiet down again for a while. Eventually, Ash pats the space next to him in silence. Yut-Lung goes, very slowly, and gently sits down to not wake Nefertiti. The two of them refuse to look at each other, eyes trained on the glass window to watch the rain.

Yut-Lung lets out a very light sigh. “Can I speak first?”

Ash only hesitates for a second. “Of course.”

Even know, Yut-Lung can’t look at his face. “I want to start by apologizing.”

Ash is silent.

“I’m sorry,” Yut-Lung says softly. “I should’ve said this a long, _long_ time ago. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you after my mom’s death. For the longest time, I saw you as some sort of villain… You didn’t deserve any of this.”

The sound of heavy rain. And then—

A shaky exhale leaves Ash’s mouth. “I’m not gonna say it's okay or it didn’t hurt,” he whispers. “ _Because it did._ You were my best friend and you suddenly started to behave like I was your enemy when all I wanted was to be there for you.”

Tears pool down in Yut-Lung’s eyes. “I know.”

Ash finally turns to look at him but Yut-Lung still doesn’t have the courage to meet his eyes.

“But, damn it, I hurt you so bad too, Yue,” Ash says, regret coloring his voice. “When I remember how I treated you at my mother’s funeral…”

“You were in mourning—“

“That doesn’t excuse it.” Ash snaps. “You finally made a move to reach me again and I…”

A few treacherous tears escape from Yut-Lung’s eyes. Ash notices and his voice considerably softens.

“Remember our last conversation? The one we had before you ran away with Sing? You were right. I could have tried harder. I _should have_ tried harder.” Ash sounds bitter. “So, I’m sorry too. Very sorry.”

Trying his best to be quiet, Yut-Lung sniffs.

He freezes when he feels Ash’s hand on his shoulder. Finally turning his eyes to him, he sees Ash’s eyes are also shining with tears.

“We lost so many years of friendship because of our stupid pride.” Ash says. “I want to be your friend again, if you let me.”

Yut-Lung looks at him with big eyes for a long minute before a weak sob leaves his mouth and he wraps his arms around Ash. Nefertiti meows, clearly annoyed, and jumps from the couch. For once, no one pays attention to her.

“Yes, I want to be your friend again.” Yut-Lung chokes out. “God, all this time, it was this simple…”

“I know.” Ash says soothingly. “Guess we’re just two stubborn idiots.”

They sit there for the rest of the night, talking about anything they can think of. Yut-Lung bursts into tears once again when he learns Griffin is actually _alive._ The shock he feels is strong, but inside of him, a little part keeps whispering _I knew it._ Griffin Callenreese’s “death” always sounded too suspicious for him.

He tells Ash about his mother’s sacrifice, about Wang-Lung preventing him from taking the money he rightfully owns.

“I’ll have my lawyers look into this.” Ash says seriously.

“No need.” Yut-Lung exhales deeply. “He’s not worth it. His worthless life is going to end someday, sooner or later. Until that time, I won’t deal with him again.” He continues softly. “I’m happy now. I have a job I love. I have the man I love with me. I don’t need anything else.”

Ash’s eyes turns impossibly fond.

There’s more tears, more apologies, more regrets. But at the end of the might, Yut-Lung feels much lighter than he did for a long time.

When he goes to bed, Sing’s strong arms are there to wrap around him.

“Hello, mooncake,” Sing whispers against his neck, his breath tickling Yut-Lung’s neck. “Everything okay?”

Yut-Lung lifts his head to kiss him quietly. “Everything okay.”

The rest of their stay passes in an uneventful and peaceful tempo. Izumo is truly beautiful like Eiji told him many times, and it’s clear Ash and Eiji are still considerably rich despite donating most of their money, so they spend quite a generous amount of money to treat Yut-Lung and Sing like they’re royalty, despite the younger couple’s protests.

(Yut-Lung won’t lie, it isn’t so bad to eat and travel without worrying about their monthly budget for once.)

Two days before they are set to leave, Eiji throws them a barbeque party and cooks enough food to feed a small army and Ash opens a couple of expensive bottles of wine.

Yut-Lung tries not to feel spoiled and fails.

“This is so nice,” Sing moans around grilled garlic steak. “We’re going to visit often if you promise to feed us like this every time.”

“Of course.” Eiji says gently. “But thirteen hour long plane ride just for free food?”

“Details.” Yut-Lung says carelessly as he sips his wine.

All of sudden, Ash’s voice comes from the inside. “Yeah, hold on. Can’t believe I’m doing this…” he murmurs and a moment later he steps out, carrying his laptop. “Hey everyone, someone wants to join us for dinner.”

_“Hello everyoooooone!”_ an obnoxious voice singsongs the moment Ash turns the screen to them.

“Boss!” Sing cries excitedly.

Yut-Lung gasps loudly. “My baby!”

“Hello Sing, hello my dear Eiji and hello Yut-Lung.” Shorter says smugly, lifting the paw of the cat on his lap to wave at them. “Didn’t know you liked me enough to call me baby, Yue.”

Yut-Lung scowls in disgust. “I was obviously talking to Persephone, you idiot.”

They hear a sighing coming from behind Shorter and a moment later, Cain appears on the screen. “Good evening everyone, sorry for bothering your pleasant evening but Shorter insisted on _dining together._ Even though, you know, you’re in Japan. And we’re in New York. And it’s morning here.”

Shorter visibly pouts on the screen while Ash rubs his temples. “No fun allowed.” He perks up quickly again. “So, Eiji, please show me the feast you prepared.”

As Eiji happily explains everything he’s cooked to Shorter and Ash interrupts once in a while to bicker with Shorter; Yut-Lung leans into Sing’s warmth, sips his fine wine and enjoys the beauty of being surrendered by people he loves.

* * *

  _If there’s a heaven,_ Eiji thinks softly. _Then it must be this._

A few weeks after Sing and Yut-Lung leaves, the snow returns. And this time, it feels like it has no intention to stop anytime soon. Ash’s body is still adjusting to different Izumo climate, even after two years, so he catches a common cold and commits himself to bed rest.

(With a lot of nagging from Eiji, of course.)

Right now, their fireplace cozily roars with a strong fire while Ash lays on top Eiji like a lazy cat as Eiji reads to him. Their actual cat is also napping on the silky golden fur of their poor dog.

“ _Then one day, it all came to an end._ ” Eiji continues reading softly, a slight frown appearing on his face. “ _It was that simple, it ended so abruptly that I failed to grasp the enormity of what had happened…_ ” With a sigh, he shuts the book. “This is sad, Ash. Did you choose this book to make me cry?”

“What? Nooooo.” Ash says innocently, like he doesn’t like it when Eiji gets too emotional that he sheds a few tears and Ash gently wipes them away. “I just think it has a beautiful love story. The kind of love story you like.”

Eiji gives him a fake stern look and places _Madonna In a Fur Coat_ on their table. He gently presses his lips against Ash’s forehead, feeling anxious when he feels his husband still has a fever.

“You know, maybe we shouldn’t cuddle. We need to bring your temperature do—“

“ _No._ ” Before he can even finish his suggestion, Ash’s arms wraps tighter around him, like some kind of overly clingy koala. “I don’t care if my fever goes up to 110 F, I’m not leaving my comfy pillow.” He rolls his eyes when Eiji opens his mouth to protest. “Bambi, relax. I already took my medicine, we just need to give it time. Now, cuddle with me, _please?_ ”

So Eiji has no choice but to indulge. His hands tenderly caress Ash’s back, burying his nose into Ash’s sunflower hair. He _loves_ Ash like this; warm and soft and relaxed and cuddly. He just wishes he wasn’t ill.

Ash smugly rubs his face against Eiji’s neck. “I’m totally infecting this flu on you.”

Ah, yes. His dearest husband who happened to be a giant asshole sometimes.

Eiji smiles fondly and roughly pinches Ash’s butt, making him shrike a laugh. They quiet down after a while and just watch the snow outside in a peaceful silence.

“You know, if you’re not gonna read that book to me,” Ash says, pausing to blow his nose out. “Then you should at least tell me story.”

Eiji gives a thoughtful hum. “What kind of a story do you want?”

Ash thinks about it for a long moment. “Tell me a story of other Ash and Eijis.”

Eiji blinks in confusion. “What?”

“You know, from parallel universes,” Ash says a little impatiently, his green eyes shining with excitement. “For example, in one universe; I’m a gang leader in New York and you’re the assistant of a journalist who came from Japan to interview me. That’s how we met and fell in love.”

Eiji stands frozen for a long, _very_ long time before he bursts into loud laughter. Nefertiti wakes up to give him a nasty look and then immediately goes back to sleep. Ash’s glare is much more intense.

“Baby,” he coos at Ash’s angry face. “You have such a vivid imagination. Have you been reading Agatha Christie novels lately?”

Ash hides his face in Eiji’s chest. “You’re such a jerk.”

“No, no, it’s wonderful.” Eiji quickly makes up to him. “A gang leader and a journalist. Star-crossed lovers. I love it.”

“Glad you see the appeal.” Ash sniffs, deciding to face him again. “Now you tell me about a different Ash and Eiji.”

“Like… from a parallel universe?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I’m good at this…” Eiji says thoughtfully, urging Ash to lay in a more comfortable position. When Ash rests his ear right on top Eiji’s heart; Eiji starts carding his hand through his husband's golden strands, closes his eyes and starts talking.

“Once upon a time, there was a guy named Eiji. His parents died when he was a teenager, so he was living in his evil aunt’s castle with his little sister.”

Ash shuffles in his embrace a little but he doesn’t interrupt.

“One day, Eiji’s entire world came crushing on him because apparently, his evil aunt had promised his hand in marriage to a man Eiji’s never seen before.”

“Poor Eiji.” Ash mutters in misery.

Eiji kisses his husband’s ring finger before he continues. “With a heavy heart, Eiji left his country behind to face the unknown. When he came to his new house, he met the guy who was going to be his husband and…”

Ash’s breath quickens when Eiji pauses dramatically. “And?”

“And he was _charmed,_ for the prince was the most handsome man Eiji’s ever seen, and he also carried the world’s gentlest heart.” Eiji says, voice impossibly soft. “It wasn’t love at first sight but it was definitely _trust_ at first sight, because the prince promised to keep Eiji safe from everything.”

A soft, shaky chuckle escapes from Ash’s mouth and he sounds small when he opens his mouth. “And love? Did they fall in love eventually?”

“Yes. Eiji found the love of his life and his soulmate in prince.”

Ash sighs in bliss before he gets up and wraps his arms around Eiji’s neck, kissing him sweetly on the lips. Somehow, Eiji takes the taste of their very first kiss: green tea and jasmine.

Ash rests his forehead against Eiji’s when they part. “And they lived happily ever after?”

Eiji is smiling seconds before he kisses Ash again. “And they lived happily ever after.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where do i even start...
> 
> i'm going to be honest with you: i genuinely didn't expect a lot of people to read satin birds when i first started it because it was going to be an angsty fic and i thought "well, i think people had enough angst after bf finale..." but WOW, never in my wildest dreams i expected such a lovely and positive feedback! writing satin birds was a tough experience for me, sometimes i thought i was never going to finish it but i did. all because of your support and kind words. i'm so glad i was able to share this fic with you. ❤️
> 
> with my deepest gratitude and love,
> 
> -idil. ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://kybelles.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/kybelles) | [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/kybelles)


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